7.Once you have learned how to enter your own kingdom, you have a special retreat within that is always available to you.

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Awareness and personal responsibility are high on my agenda. They have allowed me to grow in ways I did not even know were humanly possible. The freedom that you are able to experience through awareness and having a conscious understanding that you create your own story is by far the most self-fulfilling prophecy that I will ever learn. Men and relationships would have to be the greatest gifts in which I have been able to grow and surrender.  Let’s make no mistake it has been a f**&^N tough one to learn and one that I still learn and emerge from. Just when I think I have got it, BAM the universe shows me something else to learn. What is actually evolving is self-growth and honouring me enough to know my boundaries of unconditional love for myself.

The most precious relationship that you can have is the one you have with self. If you don’t love and support yourself then you truly cannot expect another person to do the same for. Lessons come in many ways shapes or forms and sometimes it is men that will teach you. (well for me it has been) I would love to go into a man hating rave right now but pffft who wants to waste any more energy that is required on what is no longer. I haven’t met “the one” yet.  I would not even know what it feels like to be truly adored and supported because I simply haven’t been able to do that for myself. From the first boy I ever dated at the age of 16 who had another girlfriend the whole time, to the disrespectful behaviour I have been witness to from men in my life is simply because I have allowed it to happen. The relationship that existed within my self was one that did not have boundaries, did not know how to support and did not love without conditions.

At the time it is not necessarily something that I am entirely conscious or aware of but when I delve into what it is for me the message and lesson transpires and it is really cool. What is different for me now is that I do have love for self, I have enough compassion and understanding that as much as it is easy to blame, I appreciate that it is a total waste of precious time. What I would rather be putting my energy into is learning, being of service to humanity and loving from a space that is pure and unconditional.

So when life throws you a curveball and one that came out of nowhere you have a choice to either feel it and learn from it or turn the other way. I don’t know about you but at the age of 41 I am over shoving stuff down, it makes you sick, literally! Cliché or not we are not here for a long time but far out I want to make it a fun and happy ride. I want to feel all of it and know that no matter what comes up for me I can create whatever I choose it to be. Once you have learned how to enter your kingdom, you have a special retreat that is always available to you. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

76. I am grown-up and comfortable enough to ask for what I want in positive ways.

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Oh universe you are extremely funny with the affirmation that I have been presented with today. I certainly know this is a lesson that has been on the forefront for me especially in the last week or so. I generally don’t have an issue with telling people what I feel but there are certainly occasions where I find it more difficult. I also truly believe that if you do not deal with an issue that has presented itself to you then it just transpires somewhere else at another time in your life. Just as it has in this instance and I knew that if I didn’t deal with it would just reel its ugly head in one way or another.

I was confronted with another little life lesson of dealing with an individual whose behaviour was far from appropriate. My natural instinct was to inform them that were a complete and utter tool. Possibly not the best outcome for either of us and I know better. As much as it feels great to swear profanities at this person in my mind, I have to admit I find it somewhat soothing.  Instead I have churned about what to do; I have deliberated, meditated on the issue and felt that I had come up with a solution. What I didn’t consider first and foremost was that I am a grown up. This is not to judge but simply to acknowledge that this was something for me to learn and grow from.

What I did recognise along the way was the fact that I wasn’t dealing with it was making me feel agitated and unsettled. I found myself to be reactive and restless in situations as the forefront of the issue was becoming more obvious and apparent. This is why I love personal responsibility and how powerful and creative we can actually be when we acknowledge that we are responsible for our own actions and outcomes.  Whilst I did find some of the issues that I was confronted with absolutely ridiculous and not in alignment with my core values and beliefs I really had to ask myself “what was this really about?” Sure I could have gone on a tangent and reacted to the information that I was receiving and that would have alleviated my stress for about 5 whole minutes or I could be a grown up and be comfortable enough to ask for what I want.

So thank you for the reminder of the affirmation today. As it worked out the universe presented a perfect opportunity for me to say what I felt. I must admit there is still a small part of me that wants to tell this person what a tool they are (hey I never claimed to be perfect). What I do know is that when I am in my heart space, I know that my purpose at this time in my life is to live with a compassionate heart and be of service. Ego does get in the way for we are only human and this is truly the way we learn. Personal responsibility and taking action for what has been presented to us is magic. I am grown-up enough and comfortable enough to ask for what I want in positive ways. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxoxox

74. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now.

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I know that there is certainly no mistake or coincidence that the burst of energy I have just received to write, is because it is the exact conversation I was having earlier with a friend. It is the reminder that I needed to hear, the lesson my soul yearned to feel and to celebrate the imperfect glorious mess that I am.

We are often our own worst enemy and as clichés as that may sound it is so true. Why is it that we feel we are only loveable when we are happy and satisfied with the way life is working out for us? Why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves when we are going through the slippery slide of mess, dishevelment and the crazy that is going on in our head?

There are potentially a million reasons why we choose to not love ourselves! It is our childhood, the person that broke our heart, blah blah blah the list can go and on. Sure these can certainly be contributing factors to our self-esteem and worth. Ultimately if we truly had this love for ourselves it wouldn’t matter or we would not have ended up in that situation to begin with.

One of the reasons I believe is that we were never actually taught how to. I don’t recall any teacher standing up in the front of a classroom teaching us self-love and self-worth. Perhaps it is a lesson that is learnt through pain, heartbreak and grief. I am no guru and I don’t have any self-fulfilling prophecies for you. One thing I do know is that the lesson of self-love comes up for me time and time again. Just when I think I have got it, whoosh the universe presents me with a little dash of something and I feel I have been flung back like a rubber band about to be propelled to the dismalness of self-loathing.

So why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves and wait for the perfect scenario to do so. “Well when I have the perfect job, relationship, lover then I will truly be able to love myself” What a croc of crap! The void that we want another to fill is dangerous and when we seek external factors self-love is absent.

Love for self is honouring and worshipping the total glorious, shadow, weird and wacky self. To find the gifts of gratitude beneath from the depths of our murkiness is love. I spent so much of my 41 years appeasing to what I thought would make me more loveable. Now I know that embracing all of me can only attract more of the same in my life. Fortunately or unfortunately the lessons of loving self came at a cost, but it is up to me to choose to love that part as well right here and right now. So you may not have your “shit” together. Who cares? Love all of your right now because you are imperfectly perfect just the way you are. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox

71. I open my heart to more love every day.

10678814_842985172415261_342011186849713926_nWhen I sit and reflect about what the affirmation means for me today the first thing that comes to mind are the relationships that I have had with men in the last twenty or so years. I could sit here and say that they have been a string of “bad luck”. Instead I choose to connect to them from a different perspective and know that they have in fact been my greatest teachers and taught me some pretty big lessons in life. I have had two main loves in my life and seeing as my “status” is single clearly they haven’t worked for me. Now it would be easy to go a “man bashing” rampage but that doesn’t really float my boat. Men are equally as beautiful as women and we attract what we need to learn from each relationship we encounter.

Yes I am an independent self-sufficient woman but that does not mean that I don’t desire a relationship with the perfect partner. I have been happily single for the last two and half years and yes there are times where I crave male company but there is nothing worse about being in a relationship and being lonely. I have had a few interesting encounters with men over the last few years and each have allowed me to grow and learn that little bit more. There is not necessarily good or bad instead it is what we take away from each experience that matters the most.

I know there are parts of me that still at times feel inadequate, not good enough blah blah blah but it is all a story that I am not really interested in talking about anymore. So when I reflect on opening my heart to more love yes it is about attracting the perfect partner but also about loving myself including the parts that don’t at times feel loveable.

At times we attract some not so nice relationships. This is simply because we ourselves are not such in great places. I know the insecurities that played out in my relationships were in fact the insecurities that I needed to identify within myself, to be acknowledged and finally healed. That doesn’t mean that one day I woke up, waved a magic wand and abracadabra it was all gone. Far out it has been a work in progress and still is.

I would love nothing more than to share my life with a beautiful life partner that has the same values and desires as I do. That being of service is one of importance, to live from a compassionate, kind, heart and to love unconditionally. I truly don’t believe I have known that love before. That is simply because I have never had the love for myself so how can I expect that from another. So when I open my heart to more love, yes it is about loving and accepting myself but to say yes to love and to know that we are all imperfectly perfect just the way we are. I love love!  I open my heart to more love every day. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

68. I am open and receptive to new avenues of income.

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This is certainly an affirmation that I am excited to write about. I know that it is an area of my life that has felt really overwhelming. Instead of writing about the lack of what has been happening I am going to begin to choose to create really different thoughts for myself. On the weekend I had some friends come and stay. We caught up and spoke about what has been happening in our lives. It wasn’t until one of my beautiful friends pulled me up and told me how much I made comment about “not working”.  I know that this has been on the forefront of my thoughts of late but had not realised how much of my precious energy it was actually consuming. I have so much to be grateful about! The abundance in my life is plentiful but yet there have been times where I have focused on what is not instead of what is.

Human beings can be such complex creatures and we often complicate things way beyond anything that is conducive. We tend to analyse the crap out of it and then we exhaust ourselves with our own thoughts. Far out I can feel the energy leave my body as I write about it! I had two separate conversations today and there was a common theme between them. I love the way the universe works and it was a solid affirmation that allowed my light to shine that little brighter.  So although the affirmation today is about being open and receptive to new avenue of income for me it is also about looking at my current situation in a completely different light. I can either see myself as “only working part time” or “just scraping by” but instead I can turn it around and really embrace the abundance and freedom of time where I can really explore any avenue I choose. I have known this on some level but the difference today was that I actually felt it and believed. Earth Angels do appear at the most opportune times and it totally helps when you are in the moment.

We are not meant to walk our path alone and that is why communities are created. Being connected and feeling a sense of belonging in paramount to our lives. So often we perceive our vulnerability as a weakness but instead it is such a leap to strength. I am so grateful for the conversations that I had today and especially to a friend who saw straight through “my bullshit” and took the time to find out to make sure I was OK. I was reminded to be in my heart space and to really listen and feel. It was just the message that I needed to hear and my energy restored to a place where I felt the magic appear.  I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

67. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way.

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Today 6 months ago our dear cousin chose to take her own life. It is a day that it etched into our lives forever.  Life doesn’t go on the way you knew it, it is different and you adapt to a new way of “normal”, whatever normal means anyway. I was feeling a little so I sat down to write. I noticed the date and realised that perhaps this was why I was feeling sensitive and allowed myself to just feel in that moment. So when I read the affirmation for today I thought of her and the lessons she continues to teach me.

For a long time I was really embarrassed and ashamed to speak about my diagnosis of Mental Illness. That was over 15 years ago. It has only been in the last few years that I have felt safe to speak about it. I didn’t want a label and It took me a long time for me to speak about it let alone admit it to anyone. There was a sense of shame and failure attached to it and it was something that I wasn’t proud of. I saw it as weak and not being “strong” enough to deal with life. What a crock of crap I had allowed myself to believe! It could not have been further from the truth. This experience in my life has truly shaped who I am and has taught me nothing but resilience and courage.

This morning I had a stern chat with “the universe” I asked very clearly and loudly to show and guide me to “how is it that I can be of service to the universe?” I know that my path and purpose is to be of service but how that is meant to be I am figuring out along the way. When I read the affirmation and thought about my cousin I know that I am meant to speak out about my cousin and my own experience of mental illness. No more hiding in the shadows.

What hits home the most about my cousin is that when I was in my deep darkness there was so many days, weeks, months where I felt that suicide would have been such a better option. So when I move out of my comfort zone today it is about speaking out about my own experiences, to know that there is a really fine line about being Ok and not. I am sure there is no coincidence that it is suicide awareness week this week and when I connect all the dots to the last few months I know that this is life purpose stuff.

There were so many times where I contemplated suicide and felt that it would have been such a “better” way. What was the difference between me and the countless others that made the choice to go that one step further? I don’t have those answers but what I do have is an experience and an amazing network of love and support that guide and love me unconditionally along the way. Today was another little push from the universe to steer me to where it is that I am meant to be.

For me it is not about “saving” people but rather a reminder that we are all a part of this amazing universe for a very short time. The importance of remaining connected, holding space and being there is what is most important. We all have our own unique journey and we can’t fix it for one another but we sure can shine our own light for one another and vice versa. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I didn’t know and feel the love, support and commitment that my family had for me. It could have been very different had I not felt that way. My gratitude for them is eternal.

So when I refer to moving out of my comfort zone today it about speaking about my truth. Sure I have spoken about mental illness before but I know now it is time for me to be more open about the depths of darkness. It is not about the “story” rather it is to inspire and give courage for others to be in an authentic space and to feel safe to do so. May you always know that the light no matter how dim can always shine and always remember the darker the darkness the brighter the light. So from sorrow can come so much joy, trust me on that one. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Huge Love

Sonia

xoxoxox

65. I am open to new things. I keep my mind active and alive by exploring new frontiers. Such discovery keeps me mentally strong.

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There is a saying that I particularly love “If you have always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got”. For me today the affirmation is a reminder that I am completely where I am meant to be even if it has been totally out of my comfort zone.  I love to learn and in life when we are not in flow it is certainly time to just stop, reflect and explore new avenues and possibilities.

An aspect that keeps coming up for me and one that I continue to learn and explore is our own shadow, that we are the creator of our own story and what has been presented to us. For me this has been one of the most liberating ways to take on situations and to find a new freedom in which I am able to deal with situations and people.  Stubbornness, hanging onto stuff and the need to be right are parts of my life that are of lower vibration for me. For me it is far more beneficial to take personal responsibility for what has occurred and an opportunity to do things differently. It is so easy to blame and to think that you have been wrong done by another. To actually take a step back and reflect why that situation was presented to you to begin with is such an act of freedom and is truly healing.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am human and I don’t sit cross legged and hum “om” when shit goes down. In fact I can at times be a complete raving lunatic and I am happy to own it. On the flipside I know that I am also a kind, huge hearted and compassionate being. This is the beauty of our shadows and as they come up so we can address them and flip them around.  So when I reflect on my blog and the reason I write for myself and others it is also about having an open heart and to come from a place of compassion.  I am ALWAYS open to new things especially when life isn’t flowing with ease and grace.  I have had road blocks and have not had the outcomes that I had perceived. It’s taken me a bit to get to this place and not something that I have done on my own. Having a tribe around you that feels and knows you well enough when you are not ok is a gift that is truly priceless and where unconditional love truly resonates.

So right now I am brainstorming and checking out new areas of life that put a fire in my belly. I am exploring opportunities that I had not considered previously and my outlook feels fresh and exciting. What felt like panic and anxiety, I now feel a sense of relief and passion that everything is possible and the universe is filled with infinite possibilities and potential. The process has been interesting and took a whole lot of digging and knowing that there is so much strength to be gained when we expose our vulnerabilities. I am open to new things. I keep my mind active and alive by exploring new frontiers. Such discovery keeps me mentally strong.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With HUGE love

Sonia

xxx

 

64. Loving myself gives me the extra energy to work through any problem more quickly. My life is a labour of love.

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Loving ourselves, the lesson that comes up time and time again and just when I think I got it, something else comes up for me. That doesn’t mean that there is failure, it simply means that we are a work in progress and each step is towards our infinite potential and possibilities that expand each time. I went to bed last night with a bit of a cold. I woke at 2:00am this morning and felt like I had blades in my throat. More than anything I was annoyed that I was sick, again!

So when I looked at the affirmation today I was still annoyed as clearly the amount of times that I have been sick this year indicates that I do not love myself enough to be well. It is not even about drinking or consuming things that are healthy for us instead emotionally I know that my thoughts have not always been loving and gentle. In the last 6 or so months I have had a cold eat at least once a month and I know it is because of the way I have been dealing with my emotions or rather the way I haven’t been. There has been a lot of grief but amongst it there have been lots of lessons that I have learnt.

The gifts of grief and sadness is really learning and feeling the value of the life in which we live and how important each moment matters. As I sit at my computer with a very snotty nose and congested head the last thing I feel like doing is writing about the loving energy that I have for myself.  What I do know it is these moments that are about digging deep, finding the lessons and really learning from them. If we are not learning to love the glorious mess that we are then we are not truly living.

I just spoke to my dear cousin and we had a laugh in the most loving way about why I was sick yet again. I flicked through my health bible and read about colds – the words that stood out were “too much pressure to perform, scattered, refusing to listen to your body” Yup, Yup & Yup! What resonated most was my scattered energy and not being in the moment of life. Thinking, worrying too much and the irony is that I know all too well the detriment that it can cause. What I won’t do to myself is berate or judge my thoughts, feelings and instead I am sending them love. Of late my energy and direction was being consumed on stuff that does not serve my highest purpose. More importantly I am not entirely in the path of my purpose and being of service which is what is most important to me. Being stuck in your head space is crap and does not allow life to flow with grace and ease. So as much as I didn’t want to write I know that it has been a lovely lesson to just STOP with the scattered energy and be in the moment of now. To live life with a fierce loving open heart and not get caught up in the story in which I have created. Loving myself gives me the extra energy to work through any problem more quickly. My life is a labour of love.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With HUGE love,

Sonia

xxo

62. Today I am willing to release the need to be right.

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What does being right actually mean? I know for me when I am not in my heart space the “need” to be or feel right can be at the forefront of my mind. This is when I know that I need to take a step back and actually take in what is going on for me. Far out it is super easy to blame our lives on circumstances, the government, work, family or whatever really. It requires strength, vulnerability and a whole lot of courage to have an open heart and release the need to be right.

Of course there is a lesson for me in the affirmation today and instantly I recognised it as a gift. I felt even more compelled to live in my heart space which is truly the only way to an enlightened path with purpose. I was dealt an interesting set of cards today in regards to a particular situation. In my core I knew I was “right”. Naturally there was another side to the story and the responsibility shifted to another party.  What could have transpired was a cascading waterfall of “drama” but instead I surrendered the lesson to the universe and know that because of this situation my path can only be brighter. I could have sat for hours, days even, discussing and regurgitating the same crap. As I was walking and the situation unfolded I stopped in my tracks and simply surrendered. No more having to prove a point!

When we are not in the flow of where our lives are meant to be we are presented with blocks and as far as I am concerned there was huge block in my path today. I could have chosen to stand there to be “right” but instead I walked around it and continued on my path. A few minutes later it started raining and I initially I was annoyed that I was getting wet but I looked up and Mother Earth graced me with a rainbow! I could have missed the magic if I didn’t get out of my head and into my heart. It was magical and I felt my heart burst open with compassion, first and foremost for myself but for all that I was surrounded with no matter what circumstance it was bringing into my life.

Our world is simply a reflection of where we are at. If we are faced with turmoil and drama it is because it already exists within ourselves. The last 6 or so months have been mixed with turmoil and drama and hence it attracted itself to my life. It may not have been crystal clear at the time but right now I can see that the world in which I am living is a mirror of where I am at. Where I did not value myself, I was not valued by others. It would be easy to go into he\she did that but instead I choose the path of love and compassion. We always learn and I am so grateful right now for the gift of the lesson. It is giving me the opportunity to absolutely trust and surrender to the process of what my magical life has to offer. Today I am willing to release the need to be right. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xooxx

61. Events come and go, but my love for myself is constant. I refuse criticism and judgement. Instead, I choose to understand that, in truth, all is well.

1501504_706588132786089_3171576431961616966_o Loving self is one of the most gracious gifts that we can give ourselves. We can love ourselves is various ways and for me is an area of my life that I am always learning more about. Each lesson that is presented in life ultimately is a reflection of where we are at and the universe loves to show us what it is that we have to learn. Even if it is presented in the most frustrating of ways is it all there to teach us, to take responsibility and to discover and learn more about our heart space and unconditional love. I listened to a clip by Matt Kahn the other day. Matt Kahn is an awesome spiritual teacher that I resonate with on a soul level. The clip randomly came up on Youtube and it was about addictions.  When we think about addictions sometimes the first thing that comes to mind are substances etc. What I feel this is more prevalent right now are the addictions that don’t seem so obvious. The addiction of work, the addiction of drama and chaos often gets left unnoticed or what we may consider as “normal” It is these addictions that can often debilitate our self-worth and inevitably lead us to places of not living self. So when I listened to Matt Kahn and his message of addiction I came across a specific line that was most pertinent for me. He asked “Is this the most loving thing that you can do for yourself right now?” I have reflected on this especially in the last week and I must say it has worked in the most magnificent of ways! This particular question can be used in so many aspects of life as they present on an everyday basis. I know that especially in the last few days where I have felt frustrated or annoyed in regards to a particular situation I have asked myself the very question “Is this most loving thing I can do for myself right now?” Almost immediately I can feel a calmness in my body and my response is very different to what it could possibly be. Sometimes the internal dialogue that I have is far from peaceful and calm. What would have to be most pertinent about love for self is also recognising my worth. I feel that this is a huge lesson for me and one that continues to present itself. There are so many gifts that we are able to find during the times in which we perceive as being difficult or troublesome. What I am learning to embrace is the darkness as a time of nurture, rest and rejuvenation. It is important to not live in that space but to unravel the gifts and to take inspired action to live an authentic life of love filled with purpose and passion. Events come and go but my love for myself is constant. I refuse all criticism and judgement. Instead, I choose to understand that in truth, all is well. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste. With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day. With HUGE love Sonia xoxox