11. In freedom I take flight.

 

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I just woke up from a little nap. I have been in the Gold Coast for the last few days. I am moving up here in a few weeks for a sea change so I have spent the last few days sorting out where to from here. As I awoke the words ran through my head “In freedom I take flight” Freedom would have to be one of my highest values.  It is right up there in my list of priorities. For such a long time in my life I felt that my freedom was undermined in one way shape or form.  Whether it was in my childhood, relationship or simply by own restrain and limitation.

So much has transpired in the last month since I have made the decision to relocate and with that comes a huge sense of freedom. Sure freedom means being able pick up and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t have children, pets or any huge responsibilities that keep me from being able to do as I please. This is liberating but what I value most is freedom of thoughts and burdens that subconsciously are created in our thought processes.

Our minds are a powerful tool and one that can be used in greatness but can also succumb to the misery of mindless banter. I have reminded myself time and time again especially in the last week or so to remain present, to stay in this moment. To not rush off to the future because fuck knows what is going on over there. At the moment my mind can feel like a bit of a whirlwind with all that is happening and about to transpire. So when I woke up with the quote literally running through my mind “In flight I take freedom” I knew exactly what it meant.  I instantly felt more settled and felt the urge to write about what was going on for me. I generally have a feel when it is that I need to write. More often than not it is when I am in my head and have begun to disconnect from myself and what is going on.

So when I felt into the quote it was absolutely about freedom, but not necessarily in the freedom to do or say as I please. Rather it was about detachment and the ability to stay present in this very moment. To not require any validation about what is wrong rather to seek what I already know from within. I have absolutely no control about what the future will bring and to be perfectly honest nor do I wish to know. Right now all I do know is what is real. When we allow ourselves go down the rabbit hole of endless banter and drama we can simply stay there and create whirlwinds of chaos. Not sure about you but I am not too keen to go there. Been there done that and trust me it is not all that great! So for now it is about day by day. Sure I require some action steps to get me to where I need to go but the art of detachment and to be present is the finest art of freedom one can have.  Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and my magic follow your day,

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia Muraca

 

23.Radiate an energy of serenity and peace so that have an uplifting effect on those you come in contact with.

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For me writing this blog is also about challenging myself to create different ways of thinking, feeling and seeing the world. Of course it would be super easy to sit and write about how I am radiating serenity on a good day when I am full of brightness and spark. This would be super simple and fun somewhat. I work in the area of mental health and in the past I have had my own mental health issues to a point of self-deprecation and destruction. It wasn’t fun. I am sure that there were many suggestions throughout this time where professionals would have indicated ways to “feel better” I was too depressed to care or listen.

That is just it.  When we are in such a debilitated state to care, is when the real works needs to happen. I am in no way suggesting that I am able to provide you with expert or medical advice. What I can simply say is what worked and didn’t work for me. What I am passionate about is changing the way we perceive mental health and that it is not just about the person who is supposedly “suffering” but as a community and collective that we all share the responsibility to be of service to humanity and to each other.

Too often I hear and see the “suffering” that occurs in silence. That people are wearing so many masks to present this way or that way. When deep down all they want to do is yell and scream, but still they carry on in their day, week, month and even years pretending that they are OK. Pretending to a point that they are even unaware of what is real and what is a mask. That by the time it has reached this point, radiating energy of serenity is the furthest thing from reality. The fight and struggle to endure what comes next is indicative of freedom and what you then wish to create. Sure you can go on living in a “zombie” state or whatever you want to call it. Wear as many or as little masks as you like but what is most pertinent is the authenticity of the creation.

I don’t sit here and write this from a perspective that I have it all worked out. Far from it, but what I do know is that I have been able to trust and know myself well enough to have a solid understanding of what works and doesn’t for me.  Courage and resilience are often key components and knowing that you deserve and worthy of all that you are and all that you are meant to be.  I would far prefer to sit with someone who is open and honest about their depressed state than fumble my way through a fake conversation of superficialness. #Justsaying# At the very least the depressed state is real! So be whoever you need to be at the time. Radiate an energy of serenity and peace so that you have an uplifting effect on those you come in contact with. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xooxxo

 

 

16. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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I was divinely prompted to make sure that I had a look at the statement for today. I know that there is no such thing as a coincidence and everything falls into place exactly as it is meant to. I took a drive to Wallan this morning which is a good half hour drive from my place. It is freeway driving so I listened to my cd of Dr Wayne Dyer. He spoke of Emerson and his teachings. I then attended a workshop where a friend of mine spoke about goal setting, ambition, action and achieving what it is that you are meant to in this lifetime. I have arrived home and had a look at the statement for today and there are 3 pretty clear signs that I have received. This is what I interpret as signs from the universe.

So for me right now I know that this is about stepping into a direction of going where there is no path and leaving a trail. Sometimes the trail that we know is familiar, warm and cosy but ultimately it also gets pretty boring. Other times what we know is destructive, sabotaging and soul destroying and somehow can be comfortable and we become complacent. Both are equally dangerous. When we become stuck in a place that is not in alignment with our authentic self we are not truly living, rather we are waiting to die.

I am in the process of writing “my story”. Sure there is a part of it that will make an interesting read. I am Italian and dramatic after all! But the other part of it and the real essence of why I want to share what I have learnt is ultimately to connect others to their own pain and growth. Pain can feel like a really scary and an unwelcoming space to be. Trust me the more we avoid it the more it hurts. When we succumb to our feelings and truly connect to our heart there is no other option than to connect and to truly live the lives we are meant to.

All of our paths and chapters are different and unique. There is no magical formula that we can concoct to reveal the answers that we need. Instead there is a connection to self and the space in which we truly thrive. As I listened to Dr Wayne Dyer he had asked the audience to point to themselves. I did it as well and placed my finger near my heart. He asked people to look around and to notice where every person was pointing. Nobody was pointing to their heads, everyone was pointing to their heart. Connecting to who we truly are and to be raw and real is the greatest service you can be for yourself and to others. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xooo

12. You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.

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This affirmation presented to me today feels pertinent to what is happening for me right now. The end of my contract at work is coming to an end in just a few short weeks. I am currently looking for a new and exciting opportunity but one hasn’t come my way just yet. I am trusting that it will. My friend called me earlier she had almost been in an accident where a truck could have potentially wiped her off. Clearly and ever so f*KN thankful it didn’t. She was a little shaken and of course as we do spoke about life and what it means. I mean do we ever really know? Does it even matter? What was most profound for me was a lesson I like to remind myself of. If today was my last day did I spend it doing what I love doing? Did I spend it with people that I love being with?

I have been sick with a cold for a few days so today I rested. I had loving conversations with a few friends and had a friend pop in to see me. Sure if today was my last day I spent it doing what I love doing. Can I say that for every other day? For most of the time I can honestly say yes but there are certainly times when I am trying to stop the waves and forgetting that I can learn to surf. Pardon the pun because I have an unrealistic fear of deep ocean water but hey I will get there.

Today I was reminded even more so to be in my heart, to follow where I am guided, rather than what is expected or the right thing to do. It’s amazing how many people have opinions in what they think you “should” be doing. As far as I am concerned as soon as you “should” you may as well shit on yourself.  I can’t help that my work contract can potentially come to an end in a few weeks. It is really none of my business if it does or doesn’t.  What I do know is how involved in the drama of it do I wish to be involved in?

My current work situation has served me and had taught me the most unexpected and transformative lessons.  Learning about boundaries and self-worth have been the most pertinent of challenges.  They haven’t been fun nor have been easy but you know what I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know that we are taught exactly what we need at the perfect time. I have had no option but learn to surf. Our reactions to situations measure deeply from the way we choose to respond to them.  Are you stopping the waves or learning to surf? I know in the midst of what we are experiencing at time it can be ever so easy to react, however learning to respond gives me so much more freedom. You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

 

 

7.Once you have learned how to enter your own kingdom, you have a special retreat within that is always available to you.

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Awareness and personal responsibility are high on my agenda. They have allowed me to grow in ways I did not even know were humanly possible. The freedom that you are able to experience through awareness and having a conscious understanding that you create your own story is by far the most self-fulfilling prophecy that I will ever learn. Men and relationships would have to be the greatest gifts in which I have been able to grow and surrender.  Let’s make no mistake it has been a f**&^N tough one to learn and one that I still learn and emerge from. Just when I think I have got it, BAM the universe shows me something else to learn. What is actually evolving is self-growth and honouring me enough to know my boundaries of unconditional love for myself.

The most precious relationship that you can have is the one you have with self. If you don’t love and support yourself then you truly cannot expect another person to do the same for. Lessons come in many ways shapes or forms and sometimes it is men that will teach you. (well for me it has been) I would love to go into a man hating rave right now but pffft who wants to waste any more energy that is required on what is no longer. I haven’t met “the one” yet.  I would not even know what it feels like to be truly adored and supported because I simply haven’t been able to do that for myself. From the first boy I ever dated at the age of 16 who had another girlfriend the whole time, to the disrespectful behaviour I have been witness to from men in my life is simply because I have allowed it to happen. The relationship that existed within my self was one that did not have boundaries, did not know how to support and did not love without conditions.

At the time it is not necessarily something that I am entirely conscious or aware of but when I delve into what it is for me the message and lesson transpires and it is really cool. What is different for me now is that I do have love for self, I have enough compassion and understanding that as much as it is easy to blame, I appreciate that it is a total waste of precious time. What I would rather be putting my energy into is learning, being of service to humanity and loving from a space that is pure and unconditional.

So when life throws you a curveball and one that came out of nowhere you have a choice to either feel it and learn from it or turn the other way. I don’t know about you but at the age of 41 I am over shoving stuff down, it makes you sick, literally! Cliché or not we are not here for a long time but far out I want to make it a fun and happy ride. I want to feel all of it and know that no matter what comes up for me I can create whatever I choose it to be. Once you have learned how to enter your kingdom, you have a special retreat that is always available to you. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

76. I am grown-up and comfortable enough to ask for what I want in positive ways.

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Oh universe you are extremely funny with the affirmation that I have been presented with today. I certainly know this is a lesson that has been on the forefront for me especially in the last week or so. I generally don’t have an issue with telling people what I feel but there are certainly occasions where I find it more difficult. I also truly believe that if you do not deal with an issue that has presented itself to you then it just transpires somewhere else at another time in your life. Just as it has in this instance and I knew that if I didn’t deal with it would just reel its ugly head in one way or another.

I was confronted with another little life lesson of dealing with an individual whose behaviour was far from appropriate. My natural instinct was to inform them that were a complete and utter tool. Possibly not the best outcome for either of us and I know better. As much as it feels great to swear profanities at this person in my mind, I have to admit I find it somewhat soothing.  Instead I have churned about what to do; I have deliberated, meditated on the issue and felt that I had come up with a solution. What I didn’t consider first and foremost was that I am a grown up. This is not to judge but simply to acknowledge that this was something for me to learn and grow from.

What I did recognise along the way was the fact that I wasn’t dealing with it was making me feel agitated and unsettled. I found myself to be reactive and restless in situations as the forefront of the issue was becoming more obvious and apparent. This is why I love personal responsibility and how powerful and creative we can actually be when we acknowledge that we are responsible for our own actions and outcomes.  Whilst I did find some of the issues that I was confronted with absolutely ridiculous and not in alignment with my core values and beliefs I really had to ask myself “what was this really about?” Sure I could have gone on a tangent and reacted to the information that I was receiving and that would have alleviated my stress for about 5 whole minutes or I could be a grown up and be comfortable enough to ask for what I want.

So thank you for the reminder of the affirmation today. As it worked out the universe presented a perfect opportunity for me to say what I felt. I must admit there is still a small part of me that wants to tell this person what a tool they are (hey I never claimed to be perfect). What I do know is that when I am in my heart space, I know that my purpose at this time in my life is to live with a compassionate heart and be of service. Ego does get in the way for we are only human and this is truly the way we learn. Personal responsibility and taking action for what has been presented to us is magic. I am grown-up enough and comfortable enough to ask for what I want in positive ways. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxoxox

74. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now.

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I know that there is certainly no mistake or coincidence that the burst of energy I have just received to write, is because it is the exact conversation I was having earlier with a friend. It is the reminder that I needed to hear, the lesson my soul yearned to feel and to celebrate the imperfect glorious mess that I am.

We are often our own worst enemy and as clichés as that may sound it is so true. Why is it that we feel we are only loveable when we are happy and satisfied with the way life is working out for us? Why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves when we are going through the slippery slide of mess, dishevelment and the crazy that is going on in our head?

There are potentially a million reasons why we choose to not love ourselves! It is our childhood, the person that broke our heart, blah blah blah the list can go and on. Sure these can certainly be contributing factors to our self-esteem and worth. Ultimately if we truly had this love for ourselves it wouldn’t matter or we would not have ended up in that situation to begin with.

One of the reasons I believe is that we were never actually taught how to. I don’t recall any teacher standing up in the front of a classroom teaching us self-love and self-worth. Perhaps it is a lesson that is learnt through pain, heartbreak and grief. I am no guru and I don’t have any self-fulfilling prophecies for you. One thing I do know is that the lesson of self-love comes up for me time and time again. Just when I think I have got it, whoosh the universe presents me with a little dash of something and I feel I have been flung back like a rubber band about to be propelled to the dismalness of self-loathing.

So why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves and wait for the perfect scenario to do so. “Well when I have the perfect job, relationship, lover then I will truly be able to love myself” What a croc of crap! The void that we want another to fill is dangerous and when we seek external factors self-love is absent.

Love for self is honouring and worshipping the total glorious, shadow, weird and wacky self. To find the gifts of gratitude beneath from the depths of our murkiness is love. I spent so much of my 41 years appeasing to what I thought would make me more loveable. Now I know that embracing all of me can only attract more of the same in my life. Fortunately or unfortunately the lessons of loving self came at a cost, but it is up to me to choose to love that part as well right here and right now. So you may not have your “shit” together. Who cares? Love all of your right now because you are imperfectly perfect just the way you are. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox

71. I open my heart to more love every day.

10678814_842985172415261_342011186849713926_nWhen I sit and reflect about what the affirmation means for me today the first thing that comes to mind are the relationships that I have had with men in the last twenty or so years. I could sit here and say that they have been a string of “bad luck”. Instead I choose to connect to them from a different perspective and know that they have in fact been my greatest teachers and taught me some pretty big lessons in life. I have had two main loves in my life and seeing as my “status” is single clearly they haven’t worked for me. Now it would be easy to go a “man bashing” rampage but that doesn’t really float my boat. Men are equally as beautiful as women and we attract what we need to learn from each relationship we encounter.

Yes I am an independent self-sufficient woman but that does not mean that I don’t desire a relationship with the perfect partner. I have been happily single for the last two and half years and yes there are times where I crave male company but there is nothing worse about being in a relationship and being lonely. I have had a few interesting encounters with men over the last few years and each have allowed me to grow and learn that little bit more. There is not necessarily good or bad instead it is what we take away from each experience that matters the most.

I know there are parts of me that still at times feel inadequate, not good enough blah blah blah but it is all a story that I am not really interested in talking about anymore. So when I reflect on opening my heart to more love yes it is about attracting the perfect partner but also about loving myself including the parts that don’t at times feel loveable.

At times we attract some not so nice relationships. This is simply because we ourselves are not such in great places. I know the insecurities that played out in my relationships were in fact the insecurities that I needed to identify within myself, to be acknowledged and finally healed. That doesn’t mean that one day I woke up, waved a magic wand and abracadabra it was all gone. Far out it has been a work in progress and still is.

I would love nothing more than to share my life with a beautiful life partner that has the same values and desires as I do. That being of service is one of importance, to live from a compassionate, kind, heart and to love unconditionally. I truly don’t believe I have known that love before. That is simply because I have never had the love for myself so how can I expect that from another. So when I open my heart to more love, yes it is about loving and accepting myself but to say yes to love and to know that we are all imperfectly perfect just the way we are. I love love!  I open my heart to more love every day. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

68. I am open and receptive to new avenues of income.

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This is certainly an affirmation that I am excited to write about. I know that it is an area of my life that has felt really overwhelming. Instead of writing about the lack of what has been happening I am going to begin to choose to create really different thoughts for myself. On the weekend I had some friends come and stay. We caught up and spoke about what has been happening in our lives. It wasn’t until one of my beautiful friends pulled me up and told me how much I made comment about “not working”.  I know that this has been on the forefront of my thoughts of late but had not realised how much of my precious energy it was actually consuming. I have so much to be grateful about! The abundance in my life is plentiful but yet there have been times where I have focused on what is not instead of what is.

Human beings can be such complex creatures and we often complicate things way beyond anything that is conducive. We tend to analyse the crap out of it and then we exhaust ourselves with our own thoughts. Far out I can feel the energy leave my body as I write about it! I had two separate conversations today and there was a common theme between them. I love the way the universe works and it was a solid affirmation that allowed my light to shine that little brighter.  So although the affirmation today is about being open and receptive to new avenue of income for me it is also about looking at my current situation in a completely different light. I can either see myself as “only working part time” or “just scraping by” but instead I can turn it around and really embrace the abundance and freedom of time where I can really explore any avenue I choose. I have known this on some level but the difference today was that I actually felt it and believed. Earth Angels do appear at the most opportune times and it totally helps when you are in the moment.

We are not meant to walk our path alone and that is why communities are created. Being connected and feeling a sense of belonging in paramount to our lives. So often we perceive our vulnerability as a weakness but instead it is such a leap to strength. I am so grateful for the conversations that I had today and especially to a friend who saw straight through “my bullshit” and took the time to find out to make sure I was OK. I was reminded to be in my heart space and to really listen and feel. It was just the message that I needed to hear and my energy restored to a place where I felt the magic appear.  I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

67. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way.

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Today 6 months ago our dear cousin chose to take her own life. It is a day that it etched into our lives forever.  Life doesn’t go on the way you knew it, it is different and you adapt to a new way of “normal”, whatever normal means anyway. I was feeling a little so I sat down to write. I noticed the date and realised that perhaps this was why I was feeling sensitive and allowed myself to just feel in that moment. So when I read the affirmation for today I thought of her and the lessons she continues to teach me.

For a long time I was really embarrassed and ashamed to speak about my diagnosis of Mental Illness. That was over 15 years ago. It has only been in the last few years that I have felt safe to speak about it. I didn’t want a label and It took me a long time for me to speak about it let alone admit it to anyone. There was a sense of shame and failure attached to it and it was something that I wasn’t proud of. I saw it as weak and not being “strong” enough to deal with life. What a crock of crap I had allowed myself to believe! It could not have been further from the truth. This experience in my life has truly shaped who I am and has taught me nothing but resilience and courage.

This morning I had a stern chat with “the universe” I asked very clearly and loudly to show and guide me to “how is it that I can be of service to the universe?” I know that my path and purpose is to be of service but how that is meant to be I am figuring out along the way. When I read the affirmation and thought about my cousin I know that I am meant to speak out about my cousin and my own experience of mental illness. No more hiding in the shadows.

What hits home the most about my cousin is that when I was in my deep darkness there was so many days, weeks, months where I felt that suicide would have been such a better option. So when I move out of my comfort zone today it is about speaking out about my own experiences, to know that there is a really fine line about being Ok and not. I am sure there is no coincidence that it is suicide awareness week this week and when I connect all the dots to the last few months I know that this is life purpose stuff.

There were so many times where I contemplated suicide and felt that it would have been such a “better” way. What was the difference between me and the countless others that made the choice to go that one step further? I don’t have those answers but what I do have is an experience and an amazing network of love and support that guide and love me unconditionally along the way. Today was another little push from the universe to steer me to where it is that I am meant to be.

For me it is not about “saving” people but rather a reminder that we are all a part of this amazing universe for a very short time. The importance of remaining connected, holding space and being there is what is most important. We all have our own unique journey and we can’t fix it for one another but we sure can shine our own light for one another and vice versa. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I didn’t know and feel the love, support and commitment that my family had for me. It could have been very different had I not felt that way. My gratitude for them is eternal.

So when I refer to moving out of my comfort zone today it about speaking about my truth. Sure I have spoken about mental illness before but I know now it is time for me to be more open about the depths of darkness. It is not about the “story” rather it is to inspire and give courage for others to be in an authentic space and to feel safe to do so. May you always know that the light no matter how dim can always shine and always remember the darker the darkness the brighter the light. So from sorrow can come so much joy, trust me on that one. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Huge Love

Sonia

xoxoxox