I was watching the Bachelorette the other night. Yes I know it is a highly intelligent and stimulating show. One of the guys on the show stated “I just want to be happy”. I was intrigued by what he had said and thought, does this mean you are not happy? Does it mean you are only happy once you are in a relationship? How do you know what happy means and how is happiness defined? If we don’t experience the extremity of sadness how do we know what happy feels like?
Today was my Nonna’s birthday. She passed over 6 years ago. I sat on the beach for a few hours today and remembered all of the beautiful lessons that I learnt from her. I felt her resilience, strength and courage in all that she endured. She had a tough life. My Nonno completed suicide and she was left to raise 9 children on her own. Her smile and laughter was far and few between. I felt happy in my sadness of missing her and wishing that I could hear her just one more time. As I sat on the rocks and closed my eyes I could feel the whispers of her wings close by. I felt sad that she is no longer here but happy that there was so much to remember and smile about. Can we be happy in our sadness? Why is it that we feel so uncomfortable with feelings that don’t elate us? I know for me that so much growth happens from pain. It is where I have the opportunity to dig deep and learn more about why I am here in this one precious life.
So when I came across this quote today I reflected it back to happiness and what that meant for me. I don’t think we are always meant to be happy and why do we perceive sadness as negative? Maybe those times are just “rest” times in our lives. For me happiness is about being content in where I am no matter what is presented. It certainly doesn’t mean that I always have my shit together in fact far from it. It is not about one person being better or superior than another. We are all in different stages of our lives; this is what makes us imperfectly perfect. There is a process to healing and we all learn when we are meant to. I am not sure that we ever work it all out. I do feel that is a work in progress and personal responsibility for where we are at is the freedom of happiness.
I don’t want to wait for another human being to make me happy and quite frankly it is not fair to have that expectation of another. It doesn’t mean that others don’t bring happiness to our lives; in fact the core of connection is pivotal. What it does mean is not having an expectation that another person or situation can give us something that we cannot give ourselves. If we can’t find a sense of happiness within then we can’t expect it from another. The best relationship that we are ever going to have is the one we have with ourselves. If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Blessed be. So it is.
With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.