41. My garden of affirmations is blossoming.

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I had to laugh at the affirmation for today as it probably wasn’t a blossoming kind of affirmation day; in fact they were more like I feel like punching somebody in the face kind of day. Just for the record I didn’t punch anybody but there were a lot of eloquent words that may have been heard if you were in my vicinity. What I do know is that I woke up this morning and I felt like crap. My head was stuffy, my chest was heavy and my energy levels were low. I was grumpy and the rest of the day sort of seemed to steer itself in that direction. I was aware of my mood and quite possibly at some point should have looked at a garden of affirmations. Instead I took some time out called a friend and as far as I am concerned a problem shared is a problem halved.

So at the end of the day as I sit here as one of the final things that I do, I reflect on the day and really do realise that in the great scheme of things, today was like a teensy weensy drop in the great big ocean. I am grateful for these experiences because they truly do show me that this is not what I want my life to look like.  I can sit here and rant about my day but quite frankly I have done that already and now my own story bores me. It is a reminder for me to love every single day with compassion, to live my life with purpose and passion. To acknowledge that there are times when we are feeling vulnerable, emotional and would really just love a hug.

Yesterday marked the New Moon and I wrote myself some goals and wishes. Affirmations and goals is something that you will find around my home and work space and for me they are a reminder to be aware of my thoughts. I am sure that some of the conversations that were going on in my head today were not blossoming, nor did they add to my garden of affirmations. Well they affirming just not of the positive kind. So instead of saying that today was a crappy day, I consider it to be a day of lessons and learning more about compassion. What I am learning is that people primarily act in a way that is untoward because of their own pain and ego. That is not to say that it is cool but rather I can feel compassion with detachment, be responsible for my contribution and focus on what is real. What is real is love in action and living a life of bliss and more. To reflect on my goals and wishes that I wrote yesterday and exerting my energy in what is truly important. My garden of affirmations is blossoming. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

xoo

 

40. I think big and then I allow myself to accept even more.

10703783_10152835115117240_7979328416965632819_nI had to sit with the affirmation for a little today before I was actually able to articulate what it meant for me. Right now I am in a bit of a crossroads with where life is taking me. There is a bunch of excitement that is going on, but there is also a sense of judgement that goes on with ego. I have had a few rejections in the last week. Actually I have begun to see them as redirections, and the vibration of the word feels far less harsh. The redirections are leading me to places that I haven’t been before or considered. It is giving me the opportunity to be still and work out what is my next chapter of the journey. Very cliché I know but it is exactly what it is. I could sit here and talk about my “rejections” and feel sorry about myself but that would be a pretty boring story or I can redirect me energy and focus on where to from here. I trust that the universe has bigger and brighter doors to open

There is a poem that I deeply love. It was read by Nelson Mandela and written by Marianne Williamson. The first few lines read “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us” I was reminded of this poem today for whatever reason. It is one that I have read many times before but tonight it feels more pertinent. Ego likes to keep us small because we are afraid. We are afraid to love too much or too little. We allow our past to dictate where we are going because of where we have been. In the end they are only stories that only have power if we fuel them with our ego. I can choose to feel rejection and go into the drama of not being good enough or deserving but F*&K that shit! That story is boring and I have been living it for far too long! I am the only one that creates the life that I desire and deserve.

Broken hearts of abandonment and rejection could fill page after page. Yes they may have merit to where I have been and who I am today but I no longer allow it to be part of the big picture that I am creating right now. I know that the universe tests us time and time again until we get the lesson. So for me right now I am going to dream big and accept prosperity and opportunities because I know that this is all part of the big picture and the life that I am living. So thank you for the redirections that you so kindly offered, I now know that I am being pushed to serve more, shine my light and to be the best version of me. I think big and I allow myself to accept even more. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

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How I am riding the waves of my grief.

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No matter how much we look at our lives, the reality is that each day we are closer to our death. May sound pretty morbid or could be super exciting to make sure that we leave no stone unturned on our life path. Last night I spent the night with a friend who had lost her mother earlier that day. I felt OK during the process and we sat and chatted about “stuff” her mum, especially the things that she did and said. All in all it was a bitter sweet evening. I tossed and turned all night as I reminded myself why I was sleeping next to my friend. I didn’t want her to be alone and she didn’t want to by herself. Understandably so and for one night all I could do was lie next to her. Sometimes that is all we need from another, to just hold the space and be there.

It is May and this year grief has been in my face. My aunt died suddenly, my cousin committed suicide a few months later, and a beloved furbaby was dying in front of my eyes, an old neighbour passed and now the death of my friends mum. Yup one could say I am in the midst of grief. Is it good? Is it bad? Does it even need to be defined? What I do know is that is a massive rollercoaster of emotions.

What I have learnt most is to ride it as best as I possibly know how. So this morning when I got home I thought about my Nonna the matriarch of our family and tried to muster her strength, determination and wisdom. I found her tribute DVD, watched it and sobbed like a baby. Some may think it may not have been the best of decisions considering how fragile I was feeling but the therapy of releasing was exactly what my body was yearning.

There is no magical handbook nor is there a wand to make it go away. What I am beginning to learn about myself in grief is to really be gentle and in those moments to learn from what is going on. It is inevitable and we are all going to die. I get it. What I don’t want to do is shove down my grief so that it manifests into other “stuff” in my life that is not healthy or is detrimental. The fun or not so fun thing about grief is that with each death or situation that presents if there is something that you haven’t dealt with it pops up, just like magic. Rest assured it will happen. It may transpire into anger, resentment or bitterness so best to feel it and begin to heal.

I am not an expert in the field of grief and loss and nor do I claim to be, what I do know about is my own grief and my own experiences. Honour your grief and be happy that you are actually feeling. Having lived depression there is nothing worse than not being able to feel at all. Be grateful that you are feeling. Sit with your pain and hurt and give yourself permission to cry. The release is insurmountable and the relief is instant. It doesn’t make it go away but it soothes the soul somewhat. Don’t shove down your tears, let them out and crying is just as important as laughing.  Allow yourself to receive. Tell people you love and trust that you are not OK and know that you are safe and loved. There is so much strength in our vulnerability and it allows us to grow.

For me writing is an outlet that allows me to express the gazillion things that go on in my head. It allows me to clear the fog and I am able to make sense on what is going on for me. To own what is mine and to be still in the moments of what I am feeling. Find what works for you and allowing yourself to be involved in creative energy can be magical.

We are all on this planet for an amount of time to fulfil a purpose, to love and to fully live the lives that we were meant to live. Living each day as if it is your last to some may sound erratic and crazy. My interpretation is to live with no regret and to know that each decision and action that I make is from love and compassion for me, for those around me and the world in which I live. Grief can be one of our toughest lessons that we will ever learn and at times we feel like we are literally being dragged through the mud, thrown around and beaten up. What I do know is that there is no easy fix, there is no one solution other than to show up, be in the moment, feel and explore the emotions as they come up. In the midst of the wave there is a break and love always transpires.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With huge love

Sonia

xxoo

 

 

36. I have plenty of time to do what I need to do. Time expands for me.

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The thoughts at the forefront of my mind are of a dear furbaby that passed away today. My head is still reeling from the events and I almost thought about going straight to bed and pretending it didn’t happen. What I have also realised is stuffing my emotions down doesn’t work either. Earlier today my sister and I were driving down a busy main road, there was a man frantically wanting to cross the road. We slowed down to make sure he was Ok and there he was on the side of the road yelling in pure pain that his dog had just been hit. It was heartbreaking.

I wish I was writing this story differently but I am not. We stopped and assisted him in any way we could. It was futile and he was losing a lot of blood. So many people stopped and tried to assist in any way they could. Unfortunately the driver did not. There was a few of us that ended up meeting him at the vet but the darling furbaby had gone. Complete strangers who had come to help a man and his dog. It was just devastating. His shrills of mercy that his dog had been hit is is gut-wrenching.

So as I sit and write about having plenty of time to so what I need to do I am in slight conflict. Time is truly of the essence and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I can’t explain why the beautiful German Shepherd dog was hit and later died but it has come as a harsh reminder that life is so very precious and everything can change in an instant. It doesn’t mean that we have to live life in fear and anxious. Rather for me right now it is a timely reminder about being in the moment and it is truly all we have.

My sister and I witnessed the tragedy tonight for whatever reason. I know that after work, I hadn’t planned to go for a run but I did. I didn’t intend to go past my sister’s house but I did and there was never any plan to drive her to work. None the less I did and in the midst of it I was witness to a man losing his best friend. Life smacks you in the face sometimes and puts it all into perspective.

So on reflection what I do know and feel about time is being in the now. When we are in crisis we are so present. To be grateful for every moment, even when it is painful for this is where precious humanity is witnessed and we all come together as one. A harsh realisation that we understand this in troubled times. For if this was the way of the world each and every day justice would prevail. We are all connected, we are all one. To the dear furbaby that grew his wings today, may your flight be peaceful and loving. Thank you for your lesson of love.  I have plenty of time to do what I need to do. Time expands for me.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

 

 

34. I am totally free to choose thoughts of joy.

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Choice about our thoughts can either destroy who we are or aspire us to be all that we can be.  I am very mindful about the thoughts that travel around in my mind and at times they can be destructive to self.  As soon as I catch myself doing this I hit the CANCEL, CLEAR, DELETE button. Why is it that we can be so totally harsh on ourselves?  It is absurd how we criticize the things we do, the way we look and this can go on for years before we notice and do something about it. I am totally aware of what I am projecting out to the universe and for me it is a reminder about choosing thoughts of joy when life is particularly tough.

I have written about my cousin lately. It has consumed my mind and thoughts since she took her own life and choosing thoughts of joy have been really f*&KN tough.  There are days where it feels more comfortable to be angry at the world and joy is the farthest thing from my mind. It is what I choose to do with these thoughts and feelings that make the difference. Generally I choose not to speak or interact with too many people when joy is not at the top of my list. I generally go for a run, write or simply feel what it is that I need to and let it out. Usually there are pent up tears that need to be released and I am good to go again. Nothing like a good old cry to make you feel better and is just as important as laughter.

So rather than feel like a total psycho and pretend to be happy and joyful when I am not I accept my vulnerability and allow the feelings to just me. To be perfectly honest I have worn too many masks for way too long and the idea of “pretending” doesn’t work so much for me these days.  I had a meeting yesterday for work and we spoke about grief, loss and connections in the community. One of the things that have been found is that most people won’t talk about the death of a person or even mention their name. They would rather talk about anything else but the white elephant in the room. As humans I find this behaviour to be quite interesting. As humans are we that afraid of feeling? Is feeling and exposing our vulnerability for others to see and feel such a bad thing? Perhaps if we were more honest and real with one another the number of mental health statistics wouldn’t be so high and parts of the population wouldn’t be so isolated. I could go on and on but they wouldn’t necessarily be thoughts of joy now would they and I would be a total hypocrite. So instead of complaining and whinging about what I perceive to be a deficit I can be encouraging and persistent in my pursuit of connectedness in the community in which I am surrounded. So rather than coming from a model of what does not happen I can now create an opportunity of I can. I am totally free to choose thoughts of joy. It is my Divine right to do so. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

 

 

32. Today, no person, place or thing can irritate or annoy me. I choose to be at peace.

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It is just as well that this affirmation has been presented to me today. I reckon if I had of been even a week ago I may have thrown the affirmation calendar out the window and been done with it. The truth is since the death of my cousin, life has been challenging and fragmented to say the least. To go back to what was is not something that is attainable as a life event such as this one changes you forever. One thing that I am able to connect to is my heart space and this is a constant. The thing is that when “stuff” and ego consumes our lives getting into our heart space can become more difficult than usual and basic survival is required. I can go on and on about stores and stuff but basically they get boring and what attracts me to life is to sort my shit out and to live with pure joy, peace, purpose and happiness.

People or places can only annoy or irritate us if that “thing” resides within us already. True story! Confronting to hear but totes is what our shadow shows us. It represents what exists within us already or simply what we have to heal. Our shadows can be our biggest and greatest teachers in life. It is when we fully embrace what belongs to us and are no longer ashamed of what it means is where strength and growth takes place. It is where the stretch happens and we deal with what is blocking us at the time. So the next time somebody annoys you or irritates you, take a step back, hold compassion in your heart and look for the place where that behaviour may take place in your life.

I know that there have been situations of friendships and situations where I have been triggered. Sometimes it may take me a while before I am able to identify the trigger but there is usually the “aha” moment where I own my stuff and grow from it. It is easy to say a person is this or that and at the time they very well may be. That is not to say that the action of another that has hurt you is OK but when an action has irritated or annoyed you it is because it needs to be released and healed. Quite frankly I am all up for thanking the person for showing me what I am no longer. So rather than putting your energy into the “story”, give thanks to the situation or person that has brought it to light, heal and move on.

A few nights ago I went to a Tantric Dance Session (no I didn’t dance around a room naked and have sex with random people) instead what I did do was choose peace and universal love. When my friend and I left the dance session we felt elated and high on life and love (no drugs or alcohol involved). What we did agree on when we left that we wanted to imagine and create for ourselves a life where the world was simply universal love, peace and justice. The feeling that was so imminent was that nobody or place could have annoyed or irritated me. Call me a dreamer, call me what you will but as John Lennon sings “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. But I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one” Today, no person, place or thing can irritate or annoy me. I choose to be at peace. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

27. I take care of my body, my home, my workplace and all other areas of my life. I alone am responsible for myself.

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Life presents us with many challenges.  Some of the challenges are fun and some are ones that change us forever and our lives are never quite the same. It is ridiculously easy to blame other people and situations for “stuff” that happens. Instead of blaming, personal responsibility is the main factor in our lives. Sure we are presented with crap and in those times people situations and events can be more than overwhelming. We can choose to sit in victim mode and not do anything about it or we can create the change that we want to be in the world.

I live in Melbourne and lately there have been some not so nice events that have happened. There have been numerous attacks on vulnerable people and in some situations death. It doesn’t feel nice at all and as a normal reaction people have been going into blame mode. Blame of our justice system and simply blame for whatever. I am not by any means justifying what has been happening or nor do I think that it is OK. What I do know is that being compassionate and of service each and every other day is a way that I now choose to live my life. To make a difference, to create change and to live a life where I do believe and know that peace and harmony exists. If I keep putting out there how “fkt up” the world is all that I will attract is more of the same. Instead what I do is pray that people heal, I send love and I live with a compassionate heart and live with faith that more of the same will not happen.

So many of us go into meltdown, blame or anger when a crisis or tragedy hits home and it is a relatively normal reaction. What is important is that we do not live there. For the innocent 17 year old that was murdered in broad daylight a few kilometres from her home the injustice is heart wrenching. I have read and continue to read the hate towards the attacker and anger towards the justice system.  Peace and harmony begin with us. Are you always kind and loving? Do you treat complete strangers with kindness and respect? Are you of service to humanity? Do you come from a place of love and compassion in all your interactions? Are you authentic and do you live your life with integrity? Do as you feel with the answers. I am not claiming to be perfect; in fact I am happy to own that I am imperfectly perfect. What I do know is that it does not feel right to have an outlet to blame or to throw more of the same into the mix. I make a conscious decision every day to take personal responsibility about what happens in my life and what I attract. Sometimes the lessons are fkn hard and painful but at the very least I own them. So before hurling abuse towards another take a step back and ask yourself to be the change that you want to see in the world. I take care of my body, my home, my workplace and all other areas of my life. I alone am responsible for myself. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

21. Whatever I need to know is revealed to me at exactly the right time.

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I was literally talking to a friend about an hour ago about this very topic! Thanks universe for reminding me about this affirmation and knowing that everything is exactly the way that it is meant to be. In life we tend to want to control what is going on around us. It gives us a sense of glory when we feel that we have it all “under control”. I have to giggle to myself right about now because I totally used to be “I got this all under control kind of person” I would have stuff all mapped out and then the universe would come along and mess it all up for me. When I look at it now the universe was actually working in my favour to get me to wherever I was required and this is the magic of life.

Do you hear yourself saying “Only if I had of known?” Yeah living in the past isn’t so great and really a waste of energy. Just as my dear friend said to me tonight “if all the other stuff had not have happened then I would not be experiencing all the great that I do now.” Sometimes in the midst of what we perceive as the crappy stuff in our lives we don’t always is actually the silver lining. Often it is not until months later when you have that aha moment and you realise that all the bits of the puzzle have come together to teach you an amazing lesson.

I know for me I used to want to have it all worked out and know exactly where I was at and what I was doing. Well you know what it didn’t work that well for me. What I do know is going with what feels right and what flows is what is meant to be. Often what will happen is I am at the right place at the perfect time to hear information or gather knowledge about whatever it is that is meant to be. I know and have complete trust that I am being guided and I no longer ignore my gut feelings or when something doesn’t feel right. I love and respect myself enough to know that my soul is speaking to me. There are no mistakes. We may be challenged in life with the lessons that we are given but living each day with kindness and grace is purpose. Whatever I need to know is revealed to me at exactly the right time. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

 

 

 

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo