In 2015 my cousin died by suicide and chose to go home. I inherited her blue dinner set. My Zia gifted us with her earthly possessions and it is something that I use almost every day. Most days I don’t even notice it and on some days, it hits home harder than others. I often feel her nudges and cheeky playful spirit in the back ground to remind me why I am here. Suicide has taken two family members, my Nonno and cousin Cathy. The impact and death of these family members has shaped me in so many ways. The reality of their death has allowed me to understand the depth and meaning of so much more.

In August 2020 after I experienced a break down, followed by a break up, moving of states and everything else in between I was struggling to be here. Big time! It consumed my thoughts and I searched high and low for some peace. My all-consuming thoughts of despair engulfed me and the space of nothingness that felt too difficult to bear. The thought of death allowed me to feel some comfort. It didn’t mean that I was contemplating suicide, earth just felt like a really hard place to be. It was those darkest of days and months that actually taught me to be all of who I am. I gave myself permission to be my most authentic self with no masks and no labels.

Up until that time in my life I had felt that suicide prevention and awareness was my purpose and would always be a part of my life work. Whilst I still feel very strongly about the alarming statistics the way I view the world ultimately has changed or perhaps I have simply remembered who I am. What I do know is that when we have disconnected from the truth of who we are, a diagnosis of depression can easily be articulated. When you are no longer in alignment with gives you peace, the disharmony perpetuates and ill health is inevitable.

For me the disconnect was gradual. The reconnection wasn’t a specific time or place. It was almost 2 years of leaving no stone unturned and being willing to feel it all. It was trusting my own inner wisdom and guidance to do things differently. If it was up to western medicine I would be medicated and dictated by a diagnosis. It doesn’t mean that the healing has stopped, our healing is ever evolving and we get to meet different versions of ourselves each and every time.

To my Nonno who I have never met in this lifetime, I honour your path and take grace in what you have been able to teach me in your death. Cathy your cheeky spirit and courage allows me to understand so much more. Thank you for your guiding light and shining it on my path, leading the way. For in your death, you have taught me the gift of life.

With a splash of Mermaid Magic and always let your heart lead the way.

Fairy wishes

Sonia

xxxx