74. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now.


I know that there is certainly no mistake or coincidence that the burst of energy I have just received to write, is because it is the exact conversation I was having earlier with a friend. It is the reminder that I needed to hear, the lesson my soul yearned to feel and to celebrate the imperfect glorious mess that I am.

We are often our own worst enemy and as clichés as that may sound it is so true. Why is it that we feel we are only loveable when we are happy and satisfied with the way life is working out for us? Why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves when we are going through the slippery slide of mess, dishevelment and the crazy that is going on in our head?

There are potentially a million reasons why we choose to not love ourselves! It is our childhood, the person that broke our heart, blah blah blah the list can go and on. Sure these can certainly be contributing factors to our self-esteem and worth. Ultimately if we truly had this love for ourselves it wouldn’t matter or we would not have ended up in that situation to begin with.

One of the reasons I believe is that we were never actually taught how to. I don’t recall any teacher standing up in the front of a classroom teaching us self-love and self-worth. Perhaps it is a lesson that is learnt through pain, heartbreak and grief. I am no guru and I don’t have any self-fulfilling prophecies for you. One thing I do know is that the lesson of self-love comes up for me time and time again. Just when I think I have got it, whoosh the universe presents me with a little dash of something and I feel I have been flung back like a rubber band about to be propelled to the dismalness of self-loathing.

So why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves and wait for the perfect scenario to do so. “Well when I have the perfect job, relationship, lover then I will truly be able to love myself” What a croc of crap! The void that we want another to fill is dangerous and when we seek external factors self-love is absent.

Love for self is honouring and worshipping the total glorious, shadow, weird and wacky self. To find the gifts of gratitude beneath from the depths of our murkiness is love. I spent so much of my 41 years appeasing to what I thought would make me more loveable. Now I know that embracing all of me can only attract more of the same in my life. Fortunately or unfortunately the lessons of loving self came at a cost, but it is up to me to choose to love that part as well right here and right now. So you may not have your “shit” together. Who cares? Love all of your right now because you are imperfectly perfect just the way you are. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.


With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.


HUGE love



71. I open my heart to more love every day.

10678814_842985172415261_342011186849713926_nWhen I sit and reflect about what the affirmation means for me today the first thing that comes to mind are the relationships that I have had with men in the last twenty or so years. I could sit here and say that they have been a string of “bad luck”. Instead I choose to connect to them from a different perspective and know that they have in fact been my greatest teachers and taught me some pretty big lessons in life. I have had two main loves in my life and seeing as my “status” is single clearly they haven’t worked for me. Now it would be easy to go a “man bashing” rampage but that doesn’t really float my boat. Men are equally as beautiful as women and we attract what we need to learn from each relationship we encounter.

Yes I am an independent self-sufficient woman but that does not mean that I don’t desire a relationship with the perfect partner. I have been happily single for the last two and half years and yes there are times where I crave male company but there is nothing worse about being in a relationship and being lonely. I have had a few interesting encounters with men over the last few years and each have allowed me to grow and learn that little bit more. There is not necessarily good or bad instead it is what we take away from each experience that matters the most.

I know there are parts of me that still at times feel inadequate, not good enough blah blah blah but it is all a story that I am not really interested in talking about anymore. So when I reflect on opening my heart to more love yes it is about attracting the perfect partner but also about loving myself including the parts that don’t at times feel loveable.

At times we attract some not so nice relationships. This is simply because we ourselves are not such in great places. I know the insecurities that played out in my relationships were in fact the insecurities that I needed to identify within myself, to be acknowledged and finally healed. That doesn’t mean that one day I woke up, waved a magic wand and abracadabra it was all gone. Far out it has been a work in progress and still is.

I would love nothing more than to share my life with a beautiful life partner that has the same values and desires as I do. That being of service is one of importance, to live from a compassionate, kind, heart and to love unconditionally. I truly don’t believe I have known that love before. That is simply because I have never had the love for myself so how can I expect that from another. So when I open my heart to more love, yes it is about loving and accepting myself but to say yes to love and to know that we are all imperfectly perfect just the way we are. I love love!  I open my heart to more love every day. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.




61. Events come and go, but my love for myself is constant. I refuse criticism and judgement. Instead, I choose to understand that, in truth, all is well.

1501504_706588132786089_3171576431961616966_o Loving self is one of the most gracious gifts that we can give ourselves. We can love ourselves is various ways and for me is an area of my life that I am always learning more about. Each lesson that is presented in life ultimately is a reflection of where we are at and the universe loves to show us what it is that we have to learn. Even if it is presented in the most frustrating of ways is it all there to teach us, to take responsibility and to discover and learn more about our heart space and unconditional love. I listened to a clip by Matt Kahn the other day. Matt Kahn is an awesome spiritual teacher that I resonate with on a soul level. The clip randomly came up on Youtube and it was about addictions.  When we think about addictions sometimes the first thing that comes to mind are substances etc. What I feel this is more prevalent right now are the addictions that don’t seem so obvious. The addiction of work, the addiction of drama and chaos often gets left unnoticed or what we may consider as “normal” It is these addictions that can often debilitate our self-worth and inevitably lead us to places of not living self. So when I listened to Matt Kahn and his message of addiction I came across a specific line that was most pertinent for me. He asked “Is this the most loving thing that you can do for yourself right now?” I have reflected on this especially in the last week and I must say it has worked in the most magnificent of ways! This particular question can be used in so many aspects of life as they present on an everyday basis. I know that especially in the last few days where I have felt frustrated or annoyed in regards to a particular situation I have asked myself the very question “Is this most loving thing I can do for myself right now?” Almost immediately I can feel a calmness in my body and my response is very different to what it could possibly be. Sometimes the internal dialogue that I have is far from peaceful and calm. What would have to be most pertinent about love for self is also recognising my worth. I feel that this is a huge lesson for me and one that continues to present itself. There are so many gifts that we are able to find during the times in which we perceive as being difficult or troublesome. What I am learning to embrace is the darkness as a time of nurture, rest and rejuvenation. It is important to not live in that space but to unravel the gifts and to take inspired action to live an authentic life of love filled with purpose and passion. Events come and go but my love for myself is constant. I refuse all criticism and judgement. Instead, I choose to understand that in truth, all is well. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste. With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day. With HUGE love Sonia xoxox

How I am riding the waves of my grief.


No matter how much we look at our lives, the reality is that each day we are closer to our death. May sound pretty morbid or could be super exciting to make sure that we leave no stone unturned on our life path. Last night I spent the night with a friend who had lost her mother earlier that day. I felt OK during the process and we sat and chatted about “stuff” her mum, especially the things that she did and said. All in all it was a bitter sweet evening. I tossed and turned all night as I reminded myself why I was sleeping next to my friend. I didn’t want her to be alone and she didn’t want to by herself. Understandably so and for one night all I could do was lie next to her. Sometimes that is all we need from another, to just hold the space and be there.

It is May and this year grief has been in my face. My aunt died suddenly, my cousin committed suicide a few months later, and a beloved furbaby was dying in front of my eyes, an old neighbour passed and now the death of my friends mum. Yup one could say I am in the midst of grief. Is it good? Is it bad? Does it even need to be defined? What I do know is that is a massive rollercoaster of emotions.

What I have learnt most is to ride it as best as I possibly know how. So this morning when I got home I thought about my Nonna the matriarch of our family and tried to muster her strength, determination and wisdom. I found her tribute DVD, watched it and sobbed like a baby. Some may think it may not have been the best of decisions considering how fragile I was feeling but the therapy of releasing was exactly what my body was yearning.

There is no magical handbook nor is there a wand to make it go away. What I am beginning to learn about myself in grief is to really be gentle and in those moments to learn from what is going on. It is inevitable and we are all going to die. I get it. What I don’t want to do is shove down my grief so that it manifests into other “stuff” in my life that is not healthy or is detrimental. The fun or not so fun thing about grief is that with each death or situation that presents if there is something that you haven’t dealt with it pops up, just like magic. Rest assured it will happen. It may transpire into anger, resentment or bitterness so best to feel it and begin to heal.

I am not an expert in the field of grief and loss and nor do I claim to be, what I do know about is my own grief and my own experiences. Honour your grief and be happy that you are actually feeling. Having lived depression there is nothing worse than not being able to feel at all. Be grateful that you are feeling. Sit with your pain and hurt and give yourself permission to cry. The release is insurmountable and the relief is instant. It doesn’t make it go away but it soothes the soul somewhat. Don’t shove down your tears, let them out and crying is just as important as laughing.  Allow yourself to receive. Tell people you love and trust that you are not OK and know that you are safe and loved. There is so much strength in our vulnerability and it allows us to grow.

For me writing is an outlet that allows me to express the gazillion things that go on in my head. It allows me to clear the fog and I am able to make sense on what is going on for me. To own what is mine and to be still in the moments of what I am feeling. Find what works for you and allowing yourself to be involved in creative energy can be magical.

We are all on this planet for an amount of time to fulfil a purpose, to love and to fully live the lives that we were meant to live. Living each day as if it is your last to some may sound erratic and crazy. My interpretation is to live with no regret and to know that each decision and action that I make is from love and compassion for me, for those around me and the world in which I live. Grief can be one of our toughest lessons that we will ever learn and at times we feel like we are literally being dragged through the mud, thrown around and beaten up. What I do know is that there is no easy fix, there is no one solution other than to show up, be in the moment, feel and explore the emotions as they come up. In the midst of the wave there is a break and love always transpires.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With huge love





23. Unconditional love and acceptance are the best gifts I can give and receive.


The feeling of unconditional love is a one that is sacred, raw and beautiful. To love unconditionally is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and others. One of my most important lessons in life is to know that I am worthy of unconditional love. This was not always something that I believed that I was worthy of nor did I feel deserving of it. I was always trying to change aspects of self that I felt were not good enough to make others happy especially in my relationships. It was until such a time in my own life when I went deep into self-discovery, learnt to accept all parts of self that I truly felt that I am so worthy and deserving of unconditional love, just as we all are.  I no longer feel that I need to change to “fit” in with others rather I have come to accept that I am perfect and whole just the way I am. That doesn’t mean that I put myself on a pedestal or feel that I am better than anybody else. What I do know is that when I come from a place of compassion and love for others then in turn I am able to love myself and others unconditionally.

My life and the circle of people that surround me is based on a foundation of unconditional love. I love myself enough to know that this is the ultimate gift that I can give myself and others. It doesn’t mean that I stop learning and healing, it simply means that I recognise when I am not and challenge myself to be on the path of unconditional love and compassion always. Don’t get me wrong I still get myself worked up in tangents and can become a raving lunatic. My drama queen ego comes out to play but ultimately it gets me nowhere. In fact it makes me tired and my energy feels like crap. It actually serves me no purpose other than to recognise that I am not in my truth nor I am coming from unconditional love for myself and others. For if I am living and feeling unconditional love and acceptance my life is free flowing with grace and ease, when I am not then not so much!

Sending unconditional love to people and situations that have caused you harm or grief can often be one of the most challenging aspects of unconditional love and acceptance that I have felt so far. There are times when I haven’t felt like giving unconditional love to the tool that pissed me off! I want to be pissed off. What I am able to recognise through this feeling is that the only person that I am harming through this process is me. My buttons have been pushed for a reason and the lesson in the feelings that have emerged is often what the gift is. It is the gift of acceptance and healing and this is by far the greatest feeling of unconditional love to experience. Unconditional love and acceptance are the best gifts I can give and receive. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.


With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.