The affirmation that I am writing about today is actually the affirmation for Tuesday March the 17th. As I began to write the calendar flicked to the affirmation for yesterday. I took it as a sign that this was the one that I was meant to write about today. It seems fitting as I sit here the day after the funeral of my cousin. I haven’t been able to write about since her death just over 10 days ago. She took her own life and what I can pray for is not only for her but for all of us is that we are all now safe as we are going through this next chapter, journey and doorway in our lives.
My cousin was 45 years young and a lot of her life was spent dealing with her issues of depression and a myriad of mental health issues. It doesn’t make it better or easier but what it does do is slap you in the face to know how harsh and real depression and suicide is. It has shaken our world in a way that we could not have ever imagined and life won’t go back to normal. Our experiences in life change us and quite frankly I don’t want to be dormant about the issues about mental health anymore. This doorway that I now pass through is one where life experience has changed and my world feels different.
It is about time that we all started to look after each other that little bit more, to extend our kindness and to come from a place of compassion for each and every person that we meet. I try not to think about the things that I could, should or would have done for her. The decision was for her to make. For me right now there is some comfort knowing it was the one decision that she made for herself where she felt she had control. Many years ago I remember reading that people who commit suicide don’t want to die, they simply don’t see any other way out. I find some comfort in knowing that she has found her own inner sanctuary and is being loved and cared for by the 1000 angels that surround and heal her now.
For me my own journey of depression and mental illness is something that is I have been able to find so much strength and wisdom from. My wish is that each person that has lived with any type of mental illness is able to find their own gift that dwells within. To be able to find our own doorway to safety, no matter what happens in life. Without our darkness there is no light so in those moments it is where our gifts are unveiled. Sometimes we can’t do this for ourselves and for my dear departed cousin the feeling is so raw and intense that my heart feel irreparable right now. Perhaps a bit of it will always be a little broken because that was the way it was meant to be. Right now there are so many feeling and emotions happening that life the way it used to is no longer and that is OK as well. Life’s events define who we are and whether they are good bad or different they lead us to doorways of safety and growth. We are reminded to live life with compassion and kindness for all of humanity and that the spirit of community is one that should all be united to. I am always safe no matter which “doorway” I pass through. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.
With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.
Sonia
Xoo
