34. I am totally free to choose thoughts of joy.


Choice about our thoughts can either destroy who we are or aspire us to be all that we can be.  I am very mindful about the thoughts that travel around in my mind and at times they can be destructive to self.  As soon as I catch myself doing this I hit the CANCEL, CLEAR, DELETE button. Why is it that we can be so totally harsh on ourselves?  It is absurd how we criticize the things we do, the way we look and this can go on for years before we notice and do something about it. I am totally aware of what I am projecting out to the universe and for me it is a reminder about choosing thoughts of joy when life is particularly tough.

I have written about my cousin lately. It has consumed my mind and thoughts since she took her own life and choosing thoughts of joy have been really f*&KN tough.  There are days where it feels more comfortable to be angry at the world and joy is the farthest thing from my mind. It is what I choose to do with these thoughts and feelings that make the difference. Generally I choose not to speak or interact with too many people when joy is not at the top of my list. I generally go for a run, write or simply feel what it is that I need to and let it out. Usually there are pent up tears that need to be released and I am good to go again. Nothing like a good old cry to make you feel better and is just as important as laughter.

So rather than feel like a total psycho and pretend to be happy and joyful when I am not I accept my vulnerability and allow the feelings to just me. To be perfectly honest I have worn too many masks for way too long and the idea of “pretending” doesn’t work so much for me these days.  I had a meeting yesterday for work and we spoke about grief, loss and connections in the community. One of the things that have been found is that most people won’t talk about the death of a person or even mention their name. They would rather talk about anything else but the white elephant in the room. As humans I find this behaviour to be quite interesting. As humans are we that afraid of feeling? Is feeling and exposing our vulnerability for others to see and feel such a bad thing? Perhaps if we were more honest and real with one another the number of mental health statistics wouldn’t be so high and parts of the population wouldn’t be so isolated. I could go on and on but they wouldn’t necessarily be thoughts of joy now would they and I would be a total hypocrite. So instead of complaining and whinging about what I perceive to be a deficit I can be encouraging and persistent in my pursuit of connectedness in the community in which I am surrounded. So rather than coming from a model of what does not happen I can now create an opportunity of I can. I am totally free to choose thoughts of joy. It is my Divine right to do so. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.


With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.