17. We accept the love we think we deserve – Stephen Chbosky

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Love comes to us in various ways. For me the most important kind of love is the love and relationship that I have with myself. It hasn’t always been a great relationship but as time passes and lessons are learnt my love for self deepens to a different space and time.  I was listening to a pod cast the other day by Matt Kahn (awesome stuff by the way). He was talking about relationships, twin flames and soul mates. I was travelling back home from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on the train. I had just attended a Suicide Prevention Forum and was pondering life (as you do). It was a heavy day and one that left me feeling drained but somewhat hopeful about the difference that we all need to be making in the world. As I watched the world go his words reverberated. “At the first sign of abuse the soul contract is over”

His words jolted me out of what I was feeling and I realised how many times I had so easily accepted abuse in my life. When I speak of abuse it doesn’t necessarily mean the most obvious kinds. Abuse can come in many ways and sometimes it appears in the most subdued ways. I thought about the endless time especially in relationships when I allowed this to happen. Not the most pleasant of memories but ones that have allowed me to grow and learn. We can certainly go into drama and stories of who did what and where but I refuse to give any more of my precious air time. Instead I can reflect on the lesson of “we accept the love we think we deserve”. I am deserving of open communication, trust, loyalty, time and respect. So if that is not presented it is time for the soul contract to be over. The lesson is so clear. I can blame or I can simply know that the contract is over for my highest good.

Reflection is paramount to any given situation. I have learnt from experience to walk away and to understand what role that I had to play in any given situation. Personal responsibility is a lesson that I continue to learn. It doesn’t make what the other person did right or wrong, instead it shifts the power to enable growth and understanding. We only attract what we need to learn. So recently when I was dealt with a situation, I knew that there were aspects that I could only grow from. I could use the opportunity and allow myself growth from a place that I haven’t been before. This is where the magic truly happens.

Sometimes the lessons aren’t always obvious to begin and if we get stuck we can just go around and around in a vicious circle. Not sure about you but I have no interest in giving anyone my time and energy that is not worthy. I have learnt that hurt people, hurt people and we all have our own lives to lead. We learn at the perfect time for own evolvement and growth. It is only my responsibility to self that is important.  We accept the love we think we deserve. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

14. “Don’t just fly, soar

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The other day I came across a magnet with the words “Don’t just fly, soar” I loved what it meant and it really resonated with what I was feeling. I decided to buy it as a little gift for my new home. I got to the counter and paid for my items. Somehow the magnet flicked off the bench and broke. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. I had already paid for it and the lady behind the counter simply just said “oh”. I suppose there wasn’t too much else to say. There really wasn’t too much that I could do other than pick it up and put it in the bin.

As I walked away I couldn’t help but feel somewhat annoyed that I had just broken an item that I had just purchased. I know first world problems! As I caught myself feeling that I was in such a first world problem kind of mind frame I recognised that it was also an opportunity to learn a lesson. I must say that the learning these days seem to appear pretty quickly. I am grateful for the agility of these moments. I could have taken the broken magnet as a sign that perhaps I wasn’t ready to soar. (Such a victim mentality and story) Instead I turned it around and recognised that I didn’t need a magnet to know and recognise my worth. Or it could have just possibly meant a magnet fell and broke. Whatever! It is doesn’t actually matter, rather it is how we choose to spend the moments that matter the most.

How we choose to interpret what is going on around us is what is most poignant in our growth. We choose whatever it is that we want to see. It possibly makes the difference in whether we are just flying or soaring. I can choose to see a broken magnet or I can truly come to know and understand that I have managed to learn a lesson, distinguish growth and fly that little bit higher than I did a few days ago. We are the creator of whatever it is that we choose to do and I am learning this thick and fast these days. I have no distractions, there are no “other” things for me to do and I am in the moments of what matters most.

What this also means is the difference between flying and soaring. I can choose to be in flight or I can soar to places that I have never been before. Trust me I don’t have it all worked out because I am being pushed beyond a zone that I have not known. A place that there is no familiarity or reference points to a life that I once knew. It is fun and exciting? Yes for most of the time it is but there is also the other part that is emotional and overwhelming. We can’t have one without the other. So why would we just fly when we can truly soar to heights of life that hold limitless potential. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxxo

10.What is your why?

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I watched the movie Collateral Beauty a few days ago. It is one of those movies that leaves you pondering and for me wiping my tears and snot from my face. There were so many profound lessons and moments that I took away, and for parts of it I am still processing the dynamics. It was about connection of life and the interpretation of time, death and love. Within it there was the collateral beauty of what it all brings and perception of what life truly means and is.

Life is so much about connection and without it out we lay dormant.  For me right now I have made a decision to relocate to another state. In just under a short month I will move to Queensland. So what is my why?  I feel like it is time to challenge myself to a place where for most of the time the skies are blue and I don’t have to wear 4 layers of clothing to feel warm. Ok so that is not the only reason. For me connection is so much more and right now at this time I am not feeling it in Melbourne. I am so blessed with an abundance of family and friends and for 42 years I have called it home but I just feel like there is more. When we truly connect to who we are and what we are here to do with this one precious life we are in flow.

Life changes and for most of the time it just is. It presents us with challenges and hurdles that we wish we could simply F*&k right off. It is what we do with these moments that ultimately shape us to the people we are and the role that we play in our world. We can either choose to feel like we have been hard done by or we can turn it around and live from a place of harmony and joy. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy for we cannot have one without the other. We would never know joy if we did not experience pain. We shy away from pain and the feelings that bring us the most discomfort because we feel like it is too hard to go there. We connect with others through our emotions and experiences.  If we are not delving into the depth of our soul, connection waivers and perhaps we are only half living.

So when I reflect on this next chapter of my life instead of analysing the crap out of what if, I simply say to myself why not? Am I fearful of the next chapter and moving to another state away from everything that I have ever known? Absoufuckinlutley! But you know what I am more afraid of not going and never knowing.  What I do know is what life has taught me so far. It has taught me to take risks, to know that life is measured by the love we give and most importantly to be of service to precious humanity. To be kind and loyal to one another, even in the moments of distaste and injustice.  Actions of destruct are never OK nor are they pleasant. What I have come to understand is that hurt people, hurt people and where there are so many disharmonies we simply must be peace. What I do know is that my why is simply to be love living and to find the beauty of all that is. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

8. What have I done today to help a younger person think for themselves?

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(The kids of Cambodia to whom I am forever grateful for the lessons of simplicity, gratitude & unconditional love)

Our little people of the world are such a precious and unique gift. Today I am celebrating a friend’s son 1st birthday and his blessing to the world. I am not a biological mum but I am surrounded and so very blessed to have so many children with whom I share my life with. One of my most valued roles is being a “zia”. I love the unconditional love that I am offered and the gifts that I am relished with.  Life takes turns and twists and I suppose on some level I had anticipated that I would be a mum. At the age of 42 I am not. There is acceptance that being a biological mum won’t happen in this lifetime. At times there has been a yearning to explore this area but it is not something that I choose to dwell on nor is it something that I spend my energy in regret or angst. It simply is. Instead I can focus my energy outward and be the best role model that I can possibly be, to create a world where little people become the shining light that they need to be.

We are born into this world being a blissful energy of purity. What happens along the way as we grow and learn is often the way that our lives are shaped. Life happens and we teach children what we know. There is no right or wrong and the lessons we are meant to impart we will. Children are our greatest teachers and the amount of learning that we can encapsulate from them is the essence on how we can strive to be better people. There are no masks or facades. They simply are just who they need to be and show up exactly as they are. This is the beauty. However what is important is the knowledge and wisdom that we impart. Are we teaching them fear? Are we teaching them to be the best versions of who they can possibly be? Are we keeping them small through our own belief patterns? I am not an expert nor am I a parent. What I do know and feel is that we owe it to our little people to teach them to make our world a different and better than the way we will leave it.

One of the greatest compliments that I received was a friend telling me the other day that her son wanted to catch up and talk about his upcoming school trip to Cambodia. He is excited to share his news and I can’t wait to hear about it. The smile and warmth that it generated was overwhelming and I was super stoked. He is a teenage boy and has a strong yearning to be a part of a building project and help those less fortunate than he is. This is life and our responsibility to make the world one that is safe and harmonious. Every action creates a reaction so let’s be mindful of the lessons we impart.  If this is the knowledge and courage that I can impart onto another then my heart is full. What have you done today to help a younger person think for themselves? Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xxx

3. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most.

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Life presents us with so much and it is entirely up to us in how we choose to deal with it. Sometimes the moments can be long and arduous and others may be short and fleeting. It can also depend entirely where we are at any particular time on how we choose to respond and react to the situation. There is a saying that I particularly love and it reads “people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime” Sometimes the reason hits us like a ton of bricks and throws us into a whirlwind that we did not anticipate. It can be beautiful and scary all at the same time.

I have been working on writing my book for almost a solid year now and I have finally finished. Fifteen years of an epic tale (even if I must say so myself) told in 36 chapters. When I set out to tell my story it was to create awareness about suicide and prevention. The lessons that is has taught me through the writing have been paramount and ones that I feel will always continue to teach me. The difference now is that the lessons have been learnt and the story is done. What transpires along the way is where the magic truly happens.

Life happens regardless of what bubble we are living in. I truly feel that our lives can throw us curveballs to monitor just how well we have learnt the lesson. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most. When we are present and in the moment, it is then that we can truly appreciate where we have been and what is yet to come. When we get stuck in where we have been and keep rehashing the story there is no growth that can occur and drama continues to play itself out.  It is heavy and the energy is dormant. I’m not sure about you but for me it is a pretty difficult way to live and there is no flow. Magic can’t come in and disconnection to self occurs.

Instead when we live with an open heart, remain in our integrity and are our true authentic selves, life flows and is at ease. It is easy to be dramatic and blame. Far out I have known this for so long and to be perfectly honest it is boring and dull. It doesn’t mean that the pain and hurt doesn’t not exist, rather it a choice to live without fear and ego. Ultimately what do we have to lose?

Don’t get me wrong some lessons have been tough and I can still wear my angry pants. What is different is that now I recognise my self-worth and understand that the most important relationship that I can have is the one that I have with myself. So no matter what happens in life and what is presented I can only learn lo love more deeply and my heart can never be broken it can only be more open.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxox

20. Within you is the kingdom of serenity, which can create all the prosperity that you could ever want.

 

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I have been in Cambodia for the last 10 or so days, Cambodia is also affectionately known as the Kingdom of Wonder. It is a country that I have grown to love and admire for so many reasons and one in which I continue to explore each time I visit. On the eve of my 42nd birthday I have some “down” time to reflect on the wonder and serenity and all that it encapsulates. Part of my role in Cambodia is to co-facilitate groups of volunteers with Head Heart and Hand Holidays. http://www.headheartandhandholidays.com.au/. The 2nd group of volunteers arrived yesterday and for most of the days I am in action and logistics mode, so to fall into my heart and write feels like home.

I love what I do here for so many reasons and to put it into words perhaps wouldn’t do it any justice. The feeling associated with a country that allows me to truly envelop all that I am is beyond anything that I could have possibly ever imagined. There is so much growth and depth beyond the surface of what is.  This is now the 5th time that I have travelled to Cambodia in the last 3 years. For some time each time I visited Cambodia all I wanted to do was come straight back. The simplicity and gratitude that I received was all the prosperity that I could ever want. Peace, love and freedom are the true gifts that I have been able to unwrap no matter where I am in the world and for this Cambodia I am so enriched because of you.

Sometimes in life we seem to be searching outside of ourselves to make us feel happier or complete. Instead the gifts of what we truly acquire are nestled within us and finding them is where the magic truly happens. I no longer feel that I have to run to Cambodia to make me happy or complete. Nobody or anything can do that for you and believing that it will can only set you up to fail. It changed my perspective of life and how I choose to live it now. One of our volunteers today reminded me with her words. “We are only here for such a short time, I choose to say yes and then work out the details or whatever later” It was a gentle yet swift reminder as I close the last day before I turn 42. So the greatest gift I can give myself is a kingdom of serenity and one in which is filled with peace love and freedom and of course some cheeky fairy fun! It’s ironic that a country that is considered to 3rd world is so abundant with gifts that can only be felt, for this is the greatest gift that we can truly give ourselves. Be raw, be vulnerable and be you. Withinyou is the kingdom of serenity, which can create all the prosperity that you could ever want. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxox

9. What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Interior of living-room. 3d render.

A dandelion would have to be one of the prettiest weeds I know. I particularly love the analogy of the weed because just like the dandelion there are so many discoveries. We often look at weeds as something that we have to dig and get rid of. In life it is the same, without the weeds there are no discoveries. I particularly love the dandelion because for me it reminds me of fairies and all things magical, a chance to make a wish and start afresh.

For the last few months there have been quite a few weeds that I have been digging at and they have felt like crap. They have been murky, heavy and emotionally draining. I was yet to discover the virtues of the lessons presented. I don’t want to get into the story as that would simply be adding drama. We all might like a bit of drama at times but does that really ever get us anywhere? We may have self-satisfaction for a short time but it does nothing for our growth and soul. Sometimes it takes a while to process. I’ve been sitting in this story for a few months now and it’s far from being fun or conducive to anything. My creativity has been blocked in the process, life has not been in flow and there have been times of anxiousness and a rise in feeling overwhelmed.

The gifts of these “weeds” are the absolute beauty of finding the lessons that have allowed me to feel into what is actually going on. Sure it is easy to sit and feel sorry for myself and for a day or two that feels pretty cool. Combined with trashy TV and chocolate, it is a successful recipe for a downward spiral. Our light can become dim and we begin to wonder where the flicker has gone. The flicker never disappears it is always there, we may just have to dig a little deeper to switch it back on and discover a new awesome way to shine once again.

Having worked in Mental Health now for the last 6 months I tend to see so much of how easy it is to “not deal” with our stuff. It is easy to be consumed by the “story” and there are so many layers of self-discovery. What I do know is that I am no better than any other. We are all simply a mirror of what we are to learn. Possibly one of the hardest lessons to digest but one with so many treasures if we are willing to have the courage to feel vulnerable and exposed. There is a beautiful chant meditation that I did whilst in Cambodia that presented as “Humee Hum, Tumee Tum, Wahe Guru; I am Thine, in Mine, Myelf, Wahe Guru” – translating that we are own guru. [i]We are our own teacher and our infinite self knows all the answers.  Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

 

 

[i] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWdXplY87LA

3.YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

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I tossed and turned about which affirmation calendar to write from today.  I was possibly avoiding the one that I am writing about as it is a topic that I have struggled with for many years. One that constantly needs reaffirming and re connecting with. How grand life would be if we were simply taught how to love ourselves. Instead we are labelled and have a constant disposition to compare ourselves to others. We can often be our own worst critic and it sucks. I’ve just turned 41 and it took me a really long time to accept my inner goddess and beauty.

Ex partners didn’t necessarily help the cause either. I could sit and blame them for all the inappropriate things that were ever said but that would say more about me than it would them. I stayed in unloving relationships because I simply didn’t love myself enough to walk away. The lessons have been harsh and some have taken me years to unpack and really learn. It sometimes takes me a while.

It was only the other night when I was with a friend, in a public toilet where we decided to have a conversation about beauty. I am sure I looked super attractive in the wee hours of Sunday morning after having had a significant amount of white wine. I am super convinced we would have sounded really rational and coherent (not). My point is that even after all this time stuff still comes up about beauty. I know I am a compassionate, kind and loving person but I was never taught to feel beautiful. I was never called beautiful so when I hear it now I find it difficult to allow myself to hear it. After so many white wines, my beautiful girlfriend allowed me to feel into the crap that I had been burying. Ok so the scene may not have been the most eloquent but you know what, it worked.

So it has taken me such a long time to realise and understand what it means to be beautiful. It is not necessarily about being “pretty”. Anyone can be pretty, instead for me it is about recognising boundaries. Treating myself with kindness and compassion first and foremost, being of service to humanity. It is about not having to adhere or accept untoward actions of another. It is to know that it is not my responsibility but instead theirs to accept their own journey and fate.

So when I sit and write about the affirmation “You are beautiful” there is so much more that what we see, most importantly it is what we feel. It is not just teaching young women to feel beautiful but for all of humanity to feel beautiful within themselves.  Imagine a world where this was possible. If we all felt and lived through beauty what a wonderful world it would be. You are beautiful. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox