6. “The wound is the place where the light enters you” – Rumi

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Yesterday in Melbourne it was an amazing day filled with sunshine. I met a friend at a local beach and we spent the morning with her fur baby. There is something about sunshine, dogs, the beach and collecting shells that simply allows me to be in my happy place.

I got home and had been thinking about my dear friend that had passed last year. We had a celebration for her at a Labyrinth at a local creek and I felt called to go. Once I got there, I must have turned down the wrong trail and somehow missed the labyrinth. I decided that it didn’t matter and nestled myself alongside the creek amongst the trees.

When we had her celebration, which was over a year ago, we had thrown rose petals in the creek. She loved roses! I was overwhelmed with sadness about how much I would have loved to see her and talk to her about what was going on in my life. She was always filled with wisdom, courage and laughter and the legacy of her love is still present.

I decided that I would have a silent chat with her. I do this often and can still hear what she would say to me. What I did notice were the ducks in the creek, the trees that surrounded me as far as my eyes could see and butterflies fluttering all around me. I knew that my dear friend was letting me know that she had heard my whispers.

I had brought a journal with me that has some inspirational quotes amongst them. The word that kept coming up was “BRAVE”. The journal prompted me to answer some questions. It took me a while and I wasn’t sure how to reflect or answer the questions that I was being asked. What did it mean for me to be brave? Interesting questions and ones that took me some time to answer.

When I came across the quote today it prompted me to write this blog. We can’t change our past and ultimately it is our wounds that allow us to feel, explore and evolve to what is present. I have been through quite a bit of late. It has left me with an array of feelings, that I have been navigating and making sense of.

What being brave means to me is that our wounds are where we can allow the light to enter. It is a space of grace, where we can heal and nurture simply what is present. It’s not to say that it is all better and “fixed”. Life right now for me has taken a detour. I can allow the bravery of my soul to seek new opportunities and explore the range of emotions that have come to surface. Learning from our loved ones that are no longer here and embodying in the bravery of what life has to offer with breath, bravery courage & mindfulness.

With a splash of Mermaid Magic and always let your heart lead the way.

Fairy wishes

Sonia

xxxx

 

 

 

 

 

1. When your chaos becomes your clarity

 

 

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Listening to our inner voice and knowing what is present in our bodies is not something we are generally taught to navigate. The disconnect that happens when we are not in alignment with ourselves can cause all kinds of chaos. For me personally I have known this all too well and had lived in disconnect for quite some time. I became comfortably numb. I cascaded down a deep dark hole and the attempt to climb out whilst it was coated in pain also gifted me a remembrance. Depression and anxiety became my new best friend in my mid 20’ and whilst it was debilitating, I was honoured with gifts of grace and humility. I was confronted with almost the same experience 20 years later. I was fraught with shame, confusion and guilt that I hadn’t been able to keep myself well. Possibly one of the worst things to feed a highly anxious, depressed and disconnected self.

I had more than dabbled with the system of mental health services and as much as we are lucky to have them available, I found that a lot of the work that I did was self-lead. Ultimately only I could be the one to make the changes to connect back to self and truly remember who I was and why I am here. The traditional services of what was available just didn’t work for me and fortunately or unfortunately couldn’t meet me where I was at. I had a lot of tools under my belt, I had kept myself “well” for 20 years. I was working as a disability advocate and had also been a peer support case manager yet I found myself to be on the opposite side of receiving services. This was great for my self-esteem and another layer that added to my perceived failure at the time.

What I couldn’t see was the massive disconnect to self that didn’t happen overnight, instead it happened over time and I became to understand it on a deeper level and knowing. When we keep adjusting ourselves to reflect our external surroundings and don’t live in the truth of our being we continue to neglect the essence of who we are. We may adjust ourselves for work, to people please, to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, to be accepted into a false reality or simply because we choose to dim our light for others to feel comfortable. It may not be noticeable to begin with and it may be a slight adjustment here or there but over time it causes chaos. Coming back to centre and connection to self becomes harder and living in the world of adjusting is what we have learnt to do.

Now I have come to learn and understand what that means to me. Recognising what connection and disconnection to self actually looks and feels like has been the catalyst for growth and expansion in my life. It has allowed me to understand myself in ways in which I have not known before. I am grateful for the depths of my darkness for it has allowed me to truly anchor my light in the here and now.

 

With a splash of Mermaid Magic and always let your heart lead the way.

Fairy wishes

Sonia

xxxx

8. The gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown

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I spoke to my uncle a few days ago for his birthday. Uncles are such cool characters in our lives and they offer you a unique relationship. My uncle reminded me to be grateful for what we have, that time is precious and all we have is this moment. Sure it is what we know but how much of it do we truly practise each and every day? I know that there are certainly times in my life where I live in my head and I really don’t take the time or energy to really feel into the simplicity yet complex components of gratitude.

I know that it was the perfect reminder for me as I have so much to be grateful for. What I also know is that when I live from my head life becomes exhausting quickly. I have started my own business and now work as a sole trader providing support services. Having only started my business 5 months ago it is certainly something that I tend to think about a lot. Life changes all the time and we are always unearthing aspects of self. I am grateful that I have a box of tools to balance out the emotions and let me tell you there has been many. There seems to be a theme of life being hectic at the moment especially in the last few months. By hectic I don’t mean in a super fun, social fairy kind of way. Instead they have been emotional, heavy, stressful, and anxious with plenty of tears being shed.

Has it been fun? Probably not. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. I would rather be going through the emotions rather than pretending that they don’t exist. Life can throw you some really full on lessons at times. It doesn’t mean we have to accept them with positivity and a bag of fairy dust. Quite the contrary it has to be transmuted to where it needs to go before we can understand the impact of what it means for us in our lives. I am by no means suggesting that we have a pity party but let’s meet what comes up with some passion and full responsibility of what we have created.

When we remind ourselves that all we have is this very moment nothing else should matter and all the stories can disperse. Great in theory but when we are in the midst of our own drama it doesn’t seem to be that easy. Instead what I do know now is what I continue to learn. Who we were even 6 months is perhaps different to who we are today. It can be scary and exciting at the same time. What I know now more than ever is the lessons seem to appear thick and fast and what matters most is how easily we let go of what no longer is necessary. To immerse in what we need to for the time and to truly find the gifts that have presented. It doesn’t mean that it is all pretty instead what we can do is embrace the space that is. To my dear uncle thanks for the gift of your wisdom and to truly feel that time is so very precious, gratitude is everything and all we have is now. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

Xoxo

14. The Accidental Finding of Treasure – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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I was driving into a shopping centre yesterday; I hadn’t been there before so I was driving in a careful and possibly slower manner than what I would normally. The guy behind me ever so eloquently “beeped” and mouthed that I should hurry up. Being the quiet wallflower that I am my response although he didn’t hear was far from precious. As I heard myself cuss, I actually took myself by surprise. I attempted to do some laundry later that day and managed to somehow trip over nothing and spill pretty much a whole bottle of laundry liquid. I didn’t notice that I had knocked it at first. It was until it was seeping into my shorts that I realised what I had done and by this stage it was pretty much all over the bathroom floor. I growled a profanity and went to the beach instead. This morning I attempted and eventually succeeded to pay a Medicare bill online. Sounds rather simple I would say. The computer didn’t recognise my address; I had to download an app and almost give blood. Well not really I just thought I would continue being dramatic for a little while.

So clearly things are not in flow. Mishaps, falls and whatever else feel like a little sign, well for me it does anyway. I am pretty conscious of my own behaviours, thoughts and feelings. I believe that things happen for us and not to us. I could go on about the driver that reared his profanities or I could use it as an opportunity that allowed me to stop and take an account of what was and is going on for me. By the way I haven’t got it figured out. What I do know are the simple facts of where life has flowed in the last couple of days. To add insult to injury I also got two parking fines this week.

So I could make this blog about all the “stuff” that has happened and what a crappy last couple of days it has been or I can choose to focus on the relevance of what life brings. As “shitty” as it feels to receive a parking fine and sit in a pile of laundry liquid, I am able to sit back and reconnect to what is real and what is my perception. What is real is the love and gratitude that lives and all the beauty that my life is surrounded with.

So where frustration lies is always seeking an opportunity for growth and connection. As humans I feel that it is important and necessary to experience all the feelings that arise within us. No point in shoving them for they just appear in different ways. For me right now I am grateful for all the crappy or not so crappy stuff that happened this week. It is an awesome time to process, reflect and throw more love out into the world. For sometimes it is only when we disconnect from life that we are able to reconnect from a deeper place of passion and purpose. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo

10. You are only free when you realise you belong no place- you belong every place-no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great – Maya Angelou

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I have come across this statement by Maya Angelou quite a few times as I have been reading the book, Braving the Wilderness by Brene` Brown. It is still a passage of writing that leaves me pondering with much to explore. The feeling of belonging for me is exactly where I am, even though I am living in another state away from my family andall that I have ever known. However I have connected with a network of people and places and meeting some super special people along the way. Most importantly I have come back to me.

So for now this is where I belong. I have just moved into my own place on the Gold Coast and my life and home is here now. Don’t get me wrong the last 8 months has been a trial of tribulations. It has been a plethora of experiences that have allowed me to find a new level of freedom that I haven’t experienced before.  At times life hasn’t been entirely pleasant, however I don’t regret any of these experiences because without them I wouldn’t be where I am right now. For now as I write my blog I can see the ocean and the feeling of belonging completely to me overwhelms my being.

It doesn’t mean that I have stopped learning or that the lessons will no longer present. Instead it is about succumbing to the moment, to what is presented, to take the risk, the leap of faith and to simply live love. We are ever changing. This is the true beautiful, inspiring and authentic dishevelled yet beautiful mess that we are here to be.

So when I reflect on the statement about belonging to every place but no place at all, it is starting to make sense. When I first read it I know that It felt to different to the way that it feels right now, I can only guess that in 6 or 12 months’ time that it may feel different again. For now it means that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be and the reward is great. I live across the road to the ocean and for this is the truest sense of belonging. I wake to the roar of the waves and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this is what home and belonging truly feels for me.

This is not a lesson that I set out to discover instead it is one in which I continue to unravel and is ever-changing. It is a collective of experiences that lead us to a place of belonging, not only to where we are but ultimately coming home to ourselves. For when we are home within ourselves the epitome of freedom is delivered. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

 

8. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.”

 

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I watched Wonder with my roomie last night. It was the perfect weather to be home on a Saturday night to watch a movie. With Maltesers and Twisties in tow, we assumed our positions on the couch, watched and cried as the lessons unveiled and the story of a very special young boy was told. A true account of what one’s tribulations can offer the world in the most magical of ways. When life presents outside the “norm”, whatever that even means it seems to throw a lot of things into a flurry. For “Auggie” the main character of the movie the so called deformities on his face made his life hard and painful and equally beautiful.

As I watched I thought of my funny, open hearted sister. I winced at the amount of times she has been stared at or eyes have glazed upon her with someone trying to figure out “what is wrong with her”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. In fact she is one of the most amazing human beings that I will ever know. What she teaches the world that she lives in far outweighs any label of disability. People that know and love her undoubtedly feel that but for those that gaze and encounter her otherwise it can sometimes be cruel and unkind.

The quote that I am writing from today is one that was prevalent throughout the movie and one that I have heard a couple of times in the last few weeks. It is simple yet one that we seem to miss every now and again. I have certainly gotten better at deciphering between being right and kind but every now and then it seeps in. That is OK as long as I don’t live there and choose kindness. When it comes to my sister the protective wolf comes in and I am not quite sure that I have always chosen kindness, instead opting to be right. Up until last night I felt that it was my right to be her voice and I always will be. Choosing kindness and understanding far outweighs the ripple effect of being right.

Sometimes it is the smallest of encounters that make up the big stuff. It could be the person that cut you off in traffic, or the sales assistant that wasn’t helpful. Are you choosing kindness or being right?  Trust me there are many a time where I have chosen the latter and I am happy to own my stuff but upon reflection it is not conducive. We are human and we don’t have to beat ourselves up over things we think we should or shouldn’t be doing. Instead awareness and understanding is what ultimately leads us to a place of peace and freedom within ourselves. Life will always present us with stuff but ultimately it is what we choose that makes the difference. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.” Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xo

7. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got – Henry Ford

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This would have to be one of my favourite quotes and one that I tend to reflect on. It kept ringing through my head and I knew that it was time to write. I have been writing a blog for quite some time. It has generally been about writing with a compassionate heart even on the days when I don’t want to. I had a conversation with a special someone who somewhat challenged me about my blogs. To be perfectly honest when I first received the information I felt super defensive and wasn’t quite sure what to do with the information that I received. I suppose I sort of brushed it aside.

 

When the conversation took place again I was able to feel it with a different energy. I know that the information that was being given to me was coming from a loving space and energy. It wasn’t from a place of ego but only to allow me to reflect in a place that I haven’t been before and for this I can be totally grateful. What I have been able to reflect on and feel is that I generally use my writing to get me out a dark space and to shed light. Ultimately I can find compassion and grace in what is going on for me at the time. It has served its purpose and my writing has been able to heal. I know that no matter what my writing is a tool that I will always use. It allows me to express and find avenues that I may not otherwise. But if I am always looking to turn a negative into a positive am I also manifesting material to write for my blog? Am I on some subconscious level creating an avenue to look for “negative” things to write about?

 

So when I heard the conversation for a second time I knew that it was also a sign for me to listen and feel. To feel what it was like to open up and receive information that was coming from a place of integrity. To know that it was only being delivered from a genuine place of kindness and loyalty. It is not to say that I will never write form this space again as life happens and these are the gifts that we receive. However what I do know is that I am no longer interested in only writing blogs when I need to turn a negative experience around. I know that life does happen but how about I manifest more of the good stuff and truly feel that magic does happen. After all it takes a special someone to break down those walls. Thank you for allowing me to find a different way.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

 

 

 

 

17. We accept the love we think we deserve – Stephen Chbosky

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Love comes to us in various ways. For me the most important kind of love is the love and relationship that I have with myself. It hasn’t always been a great relationship but as time passes and lessons are learnt my love for self deepens to a different space and time.  I was listening to a pod cast the other day by Matt Kahn (awesome stuff by the way). He was talking about relationships, twin flames and soul mates. I was travelling back home from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on the train. I had just attended a Suicide Prevention Forum and was pondering life (as you do). It was a heavy day and one that left me feeling drained but somewhat hopeful about the difference that we all need to be making in the world. As I watched the world go his words reverberated. “At the first sign of abuse the soul contract is over”

His words jolted me out of what I was feeling and I realised how many times I had so easily accepted abuse in my life. When I speak of abuse it doesn’t necessarily mean the most obvious kinds. Abuse can come in many ways and sometimes it appears in the most subdued ways. I thought about the endless time especially in relationships when I allowed this to happen. Not the most pleasant of memories but ones that have allowed me to grow and learn. We can certainly go into drama and stories of who did what and where but I refuse to give any more of my precious air time. Instead I can reflect on the lesson of “we accept the love we think we deserve”. I am deserving of open communication, trust, loyalty, time and respect. So if that is not presented it is time for the soul contract to be over. The lesson is so clear. I can blame or I can simply know that the contract is over for my highest good.

Reflection is paramount to any given situation. I have learnt from experience to walk away and to understand what role that I had to play in any given situation. Personal responsibility is a lesson that I continue to learn. It doesn’t make what the other person did right or wrong, instead it shifts the power to enable growth and understanding. We only attract what we need to learn. So recently when I was dealt with a situation, I knew that there were aspects that I could only grow from. I could use the opportunity and allow myself growth from a place that I haven’t been before. This is where the magic truly happens.

Sometimes the lessons aren’t always obvious to begin and if we get stuck we can just go around and around in a vicious circle. Not sure about you but I have no interest in giving anyone my time and energy that is not worthy. I have learnt that hurt people, hurt people and we all have our own lives to lead. We learn at the perfect time for own evolvement and growth. It is only my responsibility to self that is important.  We accept the love we think we deserve. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

14. “Don’t just fly, soar

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The other day I came across a magnet with the words “Don’t just fly, soar” I loved what it meant and it really resonated with what I was feeling. I decided to buy it as a little gift for my new home. I got to the counter and paid for my items. Somehow the magnet flicked off the bench and broke. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. I had already paid for it and the lady behind the counter simply just said “oh”. I suppose there wasn’t too much else to say. There really wasn’t too much that I could do other than pick it up and put it in the bin.

As I walked away I couldn’t help but feel somewhat annoyed that I had just broken an item that I had just purchased. I know first world problems! As I caught myself feeling that I was in such a first world problem kind of mind frame I recognised that it was also an opportunity to learn a lesson. I must say that the learning these days seem to appear pretty quickly. I am grateful for the agility of these moments. I could have taken the broken magnet as a sign that perhaps I wasn’t ready to soar. (Such a victim mentality and story) Instead I turned it around and recognised that I didn’t need a magnet to know and recognise my worth. Or it could have just possibly meant a magnet fell and broke. Whatever! It is doesn’t actually matter, rather it is how we choose to spend the moments that matter the most.

How we choose to interpret what is going on around us is what is most poignant in our growth. We choose whatever it is that we want to see. It possibly makes the difference in whether we are just flying or soaring. I can choose to see a broken magnet or I can truly come to know and understand that I have managed to learn a lesson, distinguish growth and fly that little bit higher than I did a few days ago. We are the creator of whatever it is that we choose to do and I am learning this thick and fast these days. I have no distractions, there are no “other” things for me to do and I am in the moments of what matters most.

What this also means is the difference between flying and soaring. I can choose to be in flight or I can soar to places that I have never been before. Trust me I don’t have it all worked out because I am being pushed beyond a zone that I have not known. A place that there is no familiarity or reference points to a life that I once knew. It is fun and exciting? Yes for most of the time it is but there is also the other part that is emotional and overwhelming. We can’t have one without the other. So why would we just fly when we can truly soar to heights of life that hold limitless potential. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxxo

10.What is your why?

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I watched the movie Collateral Beauty a few days ago. It is one of those movies that leaves you pondering and for me wiping my tears and snot from my face. There were so many profound lessons and moments that I took away, and for parts of it I am still processing the dynamics. It was about connection of life and the interpretation of time, death and love. Within it there was the collateral beauty of what it all brings and perception of what life truly means and is.

Life is so much about connection and without it out we lay dormant.  For me right now I have made a decision to relocate to another state. In just under a short month I will move to Queensland. So what is my why?  I feel like it is time to challenge myself to a place where for most of the time the skies are blue and I don’t have to wear 4 layers of clothing to feel warm. Ok so that is not the only reason. For me connection is so much more and right now at this time I am not feeling it in Melbourne. I am so blessed with an abundance of family and friends and for 42 years I have called it home but I just feel like there is more. When we truly connect to who we are and what we are here to do with this one precious life we are in flow.

Life changes and for most of the time it just is. It presents us with challenges and hurdles that we wish we could simply F*&k right off. It is what we do with these moments that ultimately shape us to the people we are and the role that we play in our world. We can either choose to feel like we have been hard done by or we can turn it around and live from a place of harmony and joy. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy for we cannot have one without the other. We would never know joy if we did not experience pain. We shy away from pain and the feelings that bring us the most discomfort because we feel like it is too hard to go there. We connect with others through our emotions and experiences.  If we are not delving into the depth of our soul, connection waivers and perhaps we are only half living.

So when I reflect on this next chapter of my life instead of analysing the crap out of what if, I simply say to myself why not? Am I fearful of the next chapter and moving to another state away from everything that I have ever known? Absoufuckinlutley! But you know what I am more afraid of not going and never knowing.  What I do know is what life has taught me so far. It has taught me to take risks, to know that life is measured by the love we give and most importantly to be of service to precious humanity. To be kind and loyal to one another, even in the moments of distaste and injustice.  Actions of destruct are never OK nor are they pleasant. What I have come to understand is that hurt people, hurt people and where there are so many disharmonies we simply must be peace. What I do know is that my why is simply to be love living and to find the beauty of all that is. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo