14. The Accidental Finding of Treasure – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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I was driving into a shopping centre yesterday; I hadn’t been there before so I was driving in a careful and possibly slower manner than what I would normally. The guy behind me ever so eloquently “beeped” and mouthed that I should hurry up. Being the quiet wallflower that I am my response although he didn’t hear was far from precious. As I heard myself cuss, I actually took myself by surprise. I attempted to do some laundry later that day and managed to somehow trip over nothing and spill pretty much a whole bottle of laundry liquid. I didn’t notice that I had knocked it at first. It was until it was seeping into my shorts that I realised what I had done and by this stage it was pretty much all over the bathroom floor. I growled a profanity and went to the beach instead. This morning I attempted and eventually succeeded to pay a Medicare bill online. Sounds rather simple I would say. The computer didn’t recognise my address; I had to download an app and almost give blood. Well not really I just thought I would continue being dramatic for a little while.

So clearly things are not in flow. Mishaps, falls and whatever else feel like a little sign, well for me it does anyway. I am pretty conscious of my own behaviours, thoughts and feelings. I believe that things happen for us and not to us. I could go on about the driver that reared his profanities or I could use it as an opportunity that allowed me to stop and take an account of what was and is going on for me. By the way I haven’t got it figured out. What I do know are the simple facts of where life has flowed in the last couple of days. To add insult to injury I also got two parking fines this week.

So I could make this blog about all the “stuff” that has happened and what a crappy last couple of days it has been or I can choose to focus on the relevance of what life brings. As “shitty” as it feels to receive a parking fine and sit in a pile of laundry liquid, I am able to sit back and reconnect to what is real and what is my perception. What is real is the love and gratitude that lives and all the beauty that my life is surrounded with.

So where frustration lies is always seeking an opportunity for growth and connection. As humans I feel that it is important and necessary to experience all the feelings that arise within us. No point in shoving them for they just appear in different ways. For me right now I am grateful for all the crappy or not so crappy stuff that happened this week. It is an awesome time to process, reflect and throw more love out into the world. For sometimes it is only when we disconnect from life that we are able to reconnect from a deeper place of passion and purpose. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo

10. You are only free when you realise you belong no place- you belong every place-no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great – Maya Angelou

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I have come across this statement by Maya Angelou quite a few times as I have been reading the book, Braving the Wilderness by Brene` Brown. It is still a passage of writing that leaves me pondering with much to explore. The feeling of belonging for me is exactly where I am, even though I am living in another state away from my family andall that I have ever known. However I have connected with a network of people and places and meeting some super special people along the way. Most importantly I have come back to me.

So for now this is where I belong. I have just moved into my own place on the Gold Coast and my life and home is here now. Don’t get me wrong the last 8 months has been a trial of tribulations. It has been a plethora of experiences that have allowed me to find a new level of freedom that I haven’t experienced before.  At times life hasn’t been entirely pleasant, however I don’t regret any of these experiences because without them I wouldn’t be where I am right now. For now as I write my blog I can see the ocean and the feeling of belonging completely to me overwhelms my being.

It doesn’t mean that I have stopped learning or that the lessons will no longer present. Instead it is about succumbing to the moment, to what is presented, to take the risk, the leap of faith and to simply live love. We are ever changing. This is the true beautiful, inspiring and authentic dishevelled yet beautiful mess that we are here to be.

So when I reflect on the statement about belonging to every place but no place at all, it is starting to make sense. When I first read it I know that It felt to different to the way that it feels right now, I can only guess that in 6 or 12 months’ time that it may feel different again. For now it means that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be and the reward is great. I live across the road to the ocean and for this is the truest sense of belonging. I wake to the roar of the waves and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this is what home and belonging truly feels for me.

This is not a lesson that I set out to discover instead it is one in which I continue to unravel and is ever-changing. It is a collective of experiences that lead us to a place of belonging, not only to where we are but ultimately coming home to ourselves. For when we are home within ourselves the epitome of freedom is delivered. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

 

8. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.”

 

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I watched Wonder with my roomie last night. It was the perfect weather to be home on a Saturday night to watch a movie. With Maltesers and Twisties in tow, we assumed our positions on the couch, watched and cried as the lessons unveiled and the story of a very special young boy was told. A true account of what one’s tribulations can offer the world in the most magical of ways. When life presents outside the “norm”, whatever that even means it seems to throw a lot of things into a flurry. For “Auggie” the main character of the movie the so called deformities on his face made his life hard and painful and equally beautiful.

As I watched I thought of my funny, open hearted sister. I winced at the amount of times she has been stared at or eyes have glazed upon her with someone trying to figure out “what is wrong with her”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. In fact she is one of the most amazing human beings that I will ever know. What she teaches the world that she lives in far outweighs any label of disability. People that know and love her undoubtedly feel that but for those that gaze and encounter her otherwise it can sometimes be cruel and unkind.

The quote that I am writing from today is one that was prevalent throughout the movie and one that I have heard a couple of times in the last few weeks. It is simple yet one that we seem to miss every now and again. I have certainly gotten better at deciphering between being right and kind but every now and then it seeps in. That is OK as long as I don’t live there and choose kindness. When it comes to my sister the protective wolf comes in and I am not quite sure that I have always chosen kindness, instead opting to be right. Up until last night I felt that it was my right to be her voice and I always will be. Choosing kindness and understanding far outweighs the ripple effect of being right.

Sometimes it is the smallest of encounters that make up the big stuff. It could be the person that cut you off in traffic, or the sales assistant that wasn’t helpful. Are you choosing kindness or being right?  Trust me there are many a time where I have chosen the latter and I am happy to own my stuff but upon reflection it is not conducive. We are human and we don’t have to beat ourselves up over things we think we should or shouldn’t be doing. Instead awareness and understanding is what ultimately leads us to a place of peace and freedom within ourselves. Life will always present us with stuff but ultimately it is what we choose that makes the difference. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.” Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xo

7. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got – Henry Ford

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This would have to be one of my favourite quotes and one that I tend to reflect on. It kept ringing through my head and I knew that it was time to write. I have been writing a blog for quite some time. It has generally been about writing with a compassionate heart even on the days when I don’t want to. I had a conversation with a special someone who somewhat challenged me about my blogs. To be perfectly honest when I first received the information I felt super defensive and wasn’t quite sure what to do with the information that I received. I suppose I sort of brushed it aside.

 

When the conversation took place again I was able to feel it with a different energy. I know that the information that was being given to me was coming from a loving space and energy. It wasn’t from a place of ego but only to allow me to reflect in a place that I haven’t been before and for this I can be totally grateful. What I have been able to reflect on and feel is that I generally use my writing to get me out a dark space and to shed light. Ultimately I can find compassion and grace in what is going on for me at the time. It has served its purpose and my writing has been able to heal. I know that no matter what my writing is a tool that I will always use. It allows me to express and find avenues that I may not otherwise. But if I am always looking to turn a negative into a positive am I also manifesting material to write for my blog? Am I on some subconscious level creating an avenue to look for “negative” things to write about?

 

So when I heard the conversation for a second time I knew that it was also a sign for me to listen and feel. To feel what it was like to open up and receive information that was coming from a place of integrity. To know that it was only being delivered from a genuine place of kindness and loyalty. It is not to say that I will never write form this space again as life happens and these are the gifts that we receive. However what I do know is that I am no longer interested in only writing blogs when I need to turn a negative experience around. I know that life does happen but how about I manifest more of the good stuff and truly feel that magic does happen. After all it takes a special someone to break down those walls. Thank you for allowing me to find a different way.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

 

 

 

 

17. We accept the love we think we deserve – Stephen Chbosky

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Love comes to us in various ways. For me the most important kind of love is the love and relationship that I have with myself. It hasn’t always been a great relationship but as time passes and lessons are learnt my love for self deepens to a different space and time.  I was listening to a pod cast the other day by Matt Kahn (awesome stuff by the way). He was talking about relationships, twin flames and soul mates. I was travelling back home from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on the train. I had just attended a Suicide Prevention Forum and was pondering life (as you do). It was a heavy day and one that left me feeling drained but somewhat hopeful about the difference that we all need to be making in the world. As I watched the world go his words reverberated. “At the first sign of abuse the soul contract is over”

His words jolted me out of what I was feeling and I realised how many times I had so easily accepted abuse in my life. When I speak of abuse it doesn’t necessarily mean the most obvious kinds. Abuse can come in many ways and sometimes it appears in the most subdued ways. I thought about the endless time especially in relationships when I allowed this to happen. Not the most pleasant of memories but ones that have allowed me to grow and learn. We can certainly go into drama and stories of who did what and where but I refuse to give any more of my precious air time. Instead I can reflect on the lesson of “we accept the love we think we deserve”. I am deserving of open communication, trust, loyalty, time and respect. So if that is not presented it is time for the soul contract to be over. The lesson is so clear. I can blame or I can simply know that the contract is over for my highest good.

Reflection is paramount to any given situation. I have learnt from experience to walk away and to understand what role that I had to play in any given situation. Personal responsibility is a lesson that I continue to learn. It doesn’t make what the other person did right or wrong, instead it shifts the power to enable growth and understanding. We only attract what we need to learn. So recently when I was dealt with a situation, I knew that there were aspects that I could only grow from. I could use the opportunity and allow myself growth from a place that I haven’t been before. This is where the magic truly happens.

Sometimes the lessons aren’t always obvious to begin and if we get stuck we can just go around and around in a vicious circle. Not sure about you but I have no interest in giving anyone my time and energy that is not worthy. I have learnt that hurt people, hurt people and we all have our own lives to lead. We learn at the perfect time for own evolvement and growth. It is only my responsibility to self that is important.  We accept the love we think we deserve. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

14. “Don’t just fly, soar

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The other day I came across a magnet with the words “Don’t just fly, soar” I loved what it meant and it really resonated with what I was feeling. I decided to buy it as a little gift for my new home. I got to the counter and paid for my items. Somehow the magnet flicked off the bench and broke. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. I had already paid for it and the lady behind the counter simply just said “oh”. I suppose there wasn’t too much else to say. There really wasn’t too much that I could do other than pick it up and put it in the bin.

As I walked away I couldn’t help but feel somewhat annoyed that I had just broken an item that I had just purchased. I know first world problems! As I caught myself feeling that I was in such a first world problem kind of mind frame I recognised that it was also an opportunity to learn a lesson. I must say that the learning these days seem to appear pretty quickly. I am grateful for the agility of these moments. I could have taken the broken magnet as a sign that perhaps I wasn’t ready to soar. (Such a victim mentality and story) Instead I turned it around and recognised that I didn’t need a magnet to know and recognise my worth. Or it could have just possibly meant a magnet fell and broke. Whatever! It is doesn’t actually matter, rather it is how we choose to spend the moments that matter the most.

How we choose to interpret what is going on around us is what is most poignant in our growth. We choose whatever it is that we want to see. It possibly makes the difference in whether we are just flying or soaring. I can choose to see a broken magnet or I can truly come to know and understand that I have managed to learn a lesson, distinguish growth and fly that little bit higher than I did a few days ago. We are the creator of whatever it is that we choose to do and I am learning this thick and fast these days. I have no distractions, there are no “other” things for me to do and I am in the moments of what matters most.

What this also means is the difference between flying and soaring. I can choose to be in flight or I can soar to places that I have never been before. Trust me I don’t have it all worked out because I am being pushed beyond a zone that I have not known. A place that there is no familiarity or reference points to a life that I once knew. It is fun and exciting? Yes for most of the time it is but there is also the other part that is emotional and overwhelming. We can’t have one without the other. So why would we just fly when we can truly soar to heights of life that hold limitless potential. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxxo

10.What is your why?

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I watched the movie Collateral Beauty a few days ago. It is one of those movies that leaves you pondering and for me wiping my tears and snot from my face. There were so many profound lessons and moments that I took away, and for parts of it I am still processing the dynamics. It was about connection of life and the interpretation of time, death and love. Within it there was the collateral beauty of what it all brings and perception of what life truly means and is.

Life is so much about connection and without it out we lay dormant.  For me right now I have made a decision to relocate to another state. In just under a short month I will move to Queensland. So what is my why?  I feel like it is time to challenge myself to a place where for most of the time the skies are blue and I don’t have to wear 4 layers of clothing to feel warm. Ok so that is not the only reason. For me connection is so much more and right now at this time I am not feeling it in Melbourne. I am so blessed with an abundance of family and friends and for 42 years I have called it home but I just feel like there is more. When we truly connect to who we are and what we are here to do with this one precious life we are in flow.

Life changes and for most of the time it just is. It presents us with challenges and hurdles that we wish we could simply F*&k right off. It is what we do with these moments that ultimately shape us to the people we are and the role that we play in our world. We can either choose to feel like we have been hard done by or we can turn it around and live from a place of harmony and joy. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy for we cannot have one without the other. We would never know joy if we did not experience pain. We shy away from pain and the feelings that bring us the most discomfort because we feel like it is too hard to go there. We connect with others through our emotions and experiences.  If we are not delving into the depth of our soul, connection waivers and perhaps we are only half living.

So when I reflect on this next chapter of my life instead of analysing the crap out of what if, I simply say to myself why not? Am I fearful of the next chapter and moving to another state away from everything that I have ever known? Absoufuckinlutley! But you know what I am more afraid of not going and never knowing.  What I do know is what life has taught me so far. It has taught me to take risks, to know that life is measured by the love we give and most importantly to be of service to precious humanity. To be kind and loyal to one another, even in the moments of distaste and injustice.  Actions of destruct are never OK nor are they pleasant. What I have come to understand is that hurt people, hurt people and where there are so many disharmonies we simply must be peace. What I do know is that my why is simply to be love living and to find the beauty of all that is. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

8. What have I done today to help a younger person think for themselves?

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(The kids of Cambodia to whom I am forever grateful for the lessons of simplicity, gratitude & unconditional love)

Our little people of the world are such a precious and unique gift. Today I am celebrating a friend’s son 1st birthday and his blessing to the world. I am not a biological mum but I am surrounded and so very blessed to have so many children with whom I share my life with. One of my most valued roles is being a “zia”. I love the unconditional love that I am offered and the gifts that I am relished with.  Life takes turns and twists and I suppose on some level I had anticipated that I would be a mum. At the age of 42 I am not. There is acceptance that being a biological mum won’t happen in this lifetime. At times there has been a yearning to explore this area but it is not something that I choose to dwell on nor is it something that I spend my energy in regret or angst. It simply is. Instead I can focus my energy outward and be the best role model that I can possibly be, to create a world where little people become the shining light that they need to be.

We are born into this world being a blissful energy of purity. What happens along the way as we grow and learn is often the way that our lives are shaped. Life happens and we teach children what we know. There is no right or wrong and the lessons we are meant to impart we will. Children are our greatest teachers and the amount of learning that we can encapsulate from them is the essence on how we can strive to be better people. There are no masks or facades. They simply are just who they need to be and show up exactly as they are. This is the beauty. However what is important is the knowledge and wisdom that we impart. Are we teaching them fear? Are we teaching them to be the best versions of who they can possibly be? Are we keeping them small through our own belief patterns? I am not an expert nor am I a parent. What I do know and feel is that we owe it to our little people to teach them to make our world a different and better than the way we will leave it.

One of the greatest compliments that I received was a friend telling me the other day that her son wanted to catch up and talk about his upcoming school trip to Cambodia. He is excited to share his news and I can’t wait to hear about it. The smile and warmth that it generated was overwhelming and I was super stoked. He is a teenage boy and has a strong yearning to be a part of a building project and help those less fortunate than he is. This is life and our responsibility to make the world one that is safe and harmonious. Every action creates a reaction so let’s be mindful of the lessons we impart.  If this is the knowledge and courage that I can impart onto another then my heart is full. What have you done today to help a younger person think for themselves? Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xxx

3. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most.

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Life presents us with so much and it is entirely up to us in how we choose to deal with it. Sometimes the moments can be long and arduous and others may be short and fleeting. It can also depend entirely where we are at any particular time on how we choose to respond and react to the situation. There is a saying that I particularly love and it reads “people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime” Sometimes the reason hits us like a ton of bricks and throws us into a whirlwind that we did not anticipate. It can be beautiful and scary all at the same time.

I have been working on writing my book for almost a solid year now and I have finally finished. Fifteen years of an epic tale (even if I must say so myself) told in 36 chapters. When I set out to tell my story it was to create awareness about suicide and prevention. The lessons that is has taught me through the writing have been paramount and ones that I feel will always continue to teach me. The difference now is that the lessons have been learnt and the story is done. What transpires along the way is where the magic truly happens.

Life happens regardless of what bubble we are living in. I truly feel that our lives can throw us curveballs to monitor just how well we have learnt the lesson. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most. When we are present and in the moment, it is then that we can truly appreciate where we have been and what is yet to come. When we get stuck in where we have been and keep rehashing the story there is no growth that can occur and drama continues to play itself out.  It is heavy and the energy is dormant. I’m not sure about you but for me it is a pretty difficult way to live and there is no flow. Magic can’t come in and disconnection to self occurs.

Instead when we live with an open heart, remain in our integrity and are our true authentic selves, life flows and is at ease. It is easy to be dramatic and blame. Far out I have known this for so long and to be perfectly honest it is boring and dull. It doesn’t mean that the pain and hurt doesn’t not exist, rather it a choice to live without fear and ego. Ultimately what do we have to lose?

Don’t get me wrong some lessons have been tough and I can still wear my angry pants. What is different is that now I recognise my self-worth and understand that the most important relationship that I can have is the one that I have with myself. So no matter what happens in life and what is presented I can only learn lo love more deeply and my heart can never be broken it can only be more open.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxox

20. Within you is the kingdom of serenity, which can create all the prosperity that you could ever want.

 

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I have been in Cambodia for the last 10 or so days, Cambodia is also affectionately known as the Kingdom of Wonder. It is a country that I have grown to love and admire for so many reasons and one in which I continue to explore each time I visit. On the eve of my 42nd birthday I have some “down” time to reflect on the wonder and serenity and all that it encapsulates. Part of my role in Cambodia is to co-facilitate groups of volunteers with Head Heart and Hand Holidays. http://www.headheartandhandholidays.com.au/. The 2nd group of volunteers arrived yesterday and for most of the days I am in action and logistics mode, so to fall into my heart and write feels like home.

I love what I do here for so many reasons and to put it into words perhaps wouldn’t do it any justice. The feeling associated with a country that allows me to truly envelop all that I am is beyond anything that I could have possibly ever imagined. There is so much growth and depth beyond the surface of what is.  This is now the 5th time that I have travelled to Cambodia in the last 3 years. For some time each time I visited Cambodia all I wanted to do was come straight back. The simplicity and gratitude that I received was all the prosperity that I could ever want. Peace, love and freedom are the true gifts that I have been able to unwrap no matter where I am in the world and for this Cambodia I am so enriched because of you.

Sometimes in life we seem to be searching outside of ourselves to make us feel happier or complete. Instead the gifts of what we truly acquire are nestled within us and finding them is where the magic truly happens. I no longer feel that I have to run to Cambodia to make me happy or complete. Nobody or anything can do that for you and believing that it will can only set you up to fail. It changed my perspective of life and how I choose to live it now. One of our volunteers today reminded me with her words. “We are only here for such a short time, I choose to say yes and then work out the details or whatever later” It was a gentle yet swift reminder as I close the last day before I turn 42. So the greatest gift I can give myself is a kingdom of serenity and one in which is filled with peace love and freedom and of course some cheeky fairy fun! It’s ironic that a country that is considered to 3rd world is so abundant with gifts that can only be felt, for this is the greatest gift that we can truly give ourselves. Be raw, be vulnerable and be you. Withinyou is the kingdom of serenity, which can create all the prosperity that you could ever want. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxox