“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit” – Bankay

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I was watching the Bachelorette the other night. Yes I know it is a highly intelligent and stimulating show. One of the guys on the show stated “I just want to be happy”. I was intrigued by what he had said and thought, does this mean you are not happy? Does it mean you are only happy once you are in a relationship?  How do you know what happy means and how is happiness defined?  If we don’t experience the extremity of sadness how do we know what happy feels like?

Today was my Nonna’s birthday. She passed over 6 years ago. I sat on the beach for a few hours today and remembered all of the beautiful lessons that I learnt from her. I felt her resilience, strength and courage in all that she endured. She had a tough life. My Nonno completed suicide and she was left to raise 9 children on her own. Her smile and laughter was far and few between. I felt happy in my sadness of missing her and wishing that I could hear her just one more time.  As I sat on the rocks and closed my eyes I could feel the whispers of her wings close by. I felt sad that she is no longer here but happy that there was so much to remember and smile about.  Can we be happy in our sadness? Why is it that we feel so uncomfortable with feelings that don’t elate us? I know for me that so much growth happens from pain. It is where I have the opportunity to dig deep and learn more about why I am here in this one precious life.

So when I came across this quote today I reflected it back to happiness and what that meant for me.  I don’t think we are always meant to be happy and why do we perceive sadness as negative? Maybe those times are just “rest” times in our lives. For me happiness is about being content in where I am no matter what is presented. It certainly doesn’t mean that I always have my shit together in fact far from it. It is not about one person being better or superior than another. We are all in different stages of our lives; this is what makes us imperfectly perfect. There is a process to healing and we all learn when we are meant to. I am not sure that we ever work it all out. I do feel that is a work in progress and personal responsibility for where we are at is the freedom of happiness.

I don’t want to wait for another human being to make me happy and quite frankly it is not fair to have that expectation of another. It doesn’t mean that others don’t bring happiness to our lives; in fact the core of connection is pivotal. What it does mean is not having an expectation that another person or situation can give us something that we cannot give ourselves. If we can’t find a sense of happiness within then we can’t expect it from another. The best relationship that we are ever going to have is the one we have with ourselves.  If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Blessed be. So it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

66. It is Ok to be sad sometimes. Sadness is just another feeling. I allow it to be, and then it passes away.

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Sadness is a feeling that right now feels miles away as I get myself organised to go on a little getaway with my sisters and cousin to Queensland. I could write about how happy that it is making me right now and that sadness is far removed from my mind but that would make a contradictory blog. One of the reasons for the getaway is because there has been so much sadness this year and part of getting away is to have fun, be together and have some fun.

For me I know sadness all too well. Whilst I was in the midst of my depression over 15 years ago  it is something that I now have so much more awareness of and an aspect of my life in which I am truly grateful for. For me sadness and feeling flat is a part of my life that I have learnt to embrace, a space in which I am able to feel vulnerable and an experience that I am able to grow from.

A friend text me the other day and told me she “felt” me and that I was feeling sad. For me this is one of the greatest gifts that I am able to receive. Yes I was feeling sick and sorry for myself yet to know that there was another person that was happy to hold that space for me in my vulnerability allowed me to feel what it was that I needed to and move on from that feeling. It wasn’t about shoving it down and pretending that I was OK, rather it wasn’t about having courage and strength in my vulnerability to move through the feelings and process them the way that was beneficial to me.

Sadness is a feeling that we sometimes tend to shy away from. A feeling that at times we try to “snap out of” and one that tends to disassociate us from the rest of our world. It is a feeling that can have stigma attached to it and one that doesn’t always appear as acceptable from others. We all want to hang around happy uplifting people but yet we find it uncomfortable to sit with someone in their sadness. Now there is difference between negativity and sadness.  For me sadness especially this year has been one of the greatest gifts in which I have allowed myself to dig deep to what is truly important, to expose my vulnerability with those I trust and to gain insight and understanding to my shadow side.

Where sadness lies most for me is for my dear cousin who chose to take her life, not only for her but the countless others that felt that suicide was their only answer. It makes me sad that in a world where we are so many there can still be no connection that gives another individual enough courage to stay. Whilst there is sadness there is also an inner courage and strength to do more for others, to connect on levels that I haven’t before and to know and truly feel that we are all one, that we are connected. Whilst we celebrate each other with joy it is just as important to celebrate and be present in the sadness. It is Ok to be sad sometimes. Sadness is just another feeling. I allow it to be, and then it passes away.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

With HUGE love

Sonia

xxxx

I am mentally and emotionally equipped to enjoy a loving prosperous life.

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I have forced myself to write today as I know that this is the best therapy for me and also a  sure way that I am able to get out of my head and into my heart space. Writing keeps me real. It is ironic that the affirmation for today is about being mentally and emotionally equipped because right now I feel vulnerable and somewhat fragile. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is and nor do I have to define it. Rather what I can do is just feel what is.

It has been just over a week since I have returned from Cambodia and I always find that there is certainly an adjustment period. It takes me time to align to the world that I am so fortunate to live in. It is a time that I am certainly able to reflect and feel into the next stage and chapter of my life. There are times in my return where I feel melancholy and I have just learnt that this is what I need to feel into. From the pits of sadness great things happen.

Funnily enough I went to see a movie last night called “Inside Out”. One of the best movies I have seen in a long time. Although it is a children’s movie the message was universal and so relevant. Too often in life we have this expectation on how we are meant to feel. When stuff doesn’t quite go the way is expected we don’t quite know what to do with it and then become afraid or uneasy about what is going on for us.  For me the movie that I watched last night was such an affirmation about honouring ALL feelings. Most importantly it was able to remind me that without sadness happiness cannot exist. So in sadness greatness does exist. For without one the other cannot be. So instead of looking at sadness as something that we need to overcome it is about finding the silver lining within the experience.

Right now I could not be more thankful my years of depression as they have taught me so many aspects of self that without it I would not have known even existed. The courage, strength and resilience that I have been able to recognise within myself have been amongst the greatest gifts that I have received. It certainly may not have felt like it at the time but I know now that is the greatest gift of all.

I truly believe that sadness exists because it has to. I am not saying that living a depressed life is necessary but rather when and if we do find ourselves in this situation it is such a dynamic opportunity to delve in and see what it is that we need to find within ourselves. To connect to our truth and our heart space, to listen to our most important organ, our heart. For our heart never lies. I am mentally and emotionally equipped to enjoy a loving prosperous life. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

xxxo