5. When your pain becomes your purpose.

 

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To be able to communicate what has transpired in the last two years in a blog would be impossible. The lessons have been huge and the healing has not been linear. It hasn’t been fun and there has certainly been times where I have found earth a really a hard place to be. What I do know is feeling disconnected from self would have to be one of the worst feelings in the world. It is scary, numbing, it feels like turmoil, it is difficult to understand and you no longer feel like you belong to the world which you once knew.

A few years ago I was admitted to a psychiatric ward. My world around me was literally breaking down, myself included.  My first hospital admission was at the age of 26 and I took pride in being medication free and well for 15 years. So when I found myself there AGAIN almost 20 years to the day I was like what the actual F*&K. How did I allow myself to get to the point of break down?

I was working as a Disability Advocate at the time and I was supporting people with mental health issues and here I was experiencing my own. Little did I realise at the time what would transpire would be an avalanche of wisdom and remembrance. Trust me it certainly didn’t feel like whilst I was in it. When I would hear people tell me that “everything happens for a reason” I honestly felt like telling them to F*&k right off. Spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity can be so detrimental to growth and my belief is that it is a huge disservice. If we don’t understand how we actually got to the space that we are in, then we can’t unravel what is.

Mental Health and its treatment from my own personal and professional experience is that is quickly labeled and medication is given to alleviate the symptoms. Sure medication has its place and it is sometimes required. I however don’t believe it is the only answer. The breakdown that I experienced ended with me being admitted to a psychiatric ward and medication was necessary. Thankfully for me, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew how to navigate the system and where to get support. My experience of medication this time around was something that I was adamant about having control over. For me it made me feel even worse than I already did. After 6 months with support I invested time and energy to alternatives.

However what wasn’t addressed was the massive disconnect that I had felt to self and others. How I had gotten to this point of what I felt like was no return.  I felt like I was in the darkest of tunnels. It was the light of others and a shit load of inner work that allowed my own spark to be ignited again. What has transpired in the last few years was a complete unveiling of everything that I had known. This process is where the magic truly happens, where you are invited to invest in your own tools and wisdom to the remembrance of who you truly are.

With a splash of mermaid magic and let unicorns lead your way.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

4. A breakdown, breakup and whole lot of breakthroughs!

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I have wanted to write this blog for a long while and found myself sitting in a lot of resistance and fear. The last 2 years have been huge and one in which I am still unfolding. A dear friend passed away about a month ago and I was jolted into how precious and short life can truly be. Within the same hour of finding out that she had passed I was also fortunate enough to win a scholarship to some business coaching. The polarity of emotion was extreme to say the least. It was the push I needed to finally launch my business into the world.

The last couple of years have been tough as they have been for so many. I struggled and at times still do. It’s not as heavy and consuming as it once was and I still have my moments. Earth can be a pretty dense place to live and life isn’t always filled with happiness and sunshine. Sometimes it is shit and hard. Yet we only seem to want to relish in the so called “good times”. We tend to shy away from the so called “hard” emotions and are told that in order to succeed that we “should” be positive and that happiness is a natural state of emotion. For me being content in it all feels far better than trying to shove the “perceived” bad emotions out of the way. I have found some pretty big nuggets sitting through my pain and the wisdom that I have been able to transpire has led me here.

I am not suggesting that we are born to suffer, we are most certainly not. However stars can only shine in the darkness. Community and connection are paramount. For me it was the light of my loved ones that allowed me to witness what I could not at the time. For a long while especially after being hospitalised, followed by a break up, moving states and a global pandemic I found earth a really hard place to be. Mum and Dad took me under their wings; I had no desire to look after myself and just living felt excruciating. I had very few people that were able to sit with me in that space. There is a lot around this and one in which I continue to explore. Light only exists because of the darkness and once we can truly embody all of this, is where I believe the magic truly lies.

The mental health of our nation is in crisis. The last two years has forced us to deal with what could no longer be hidden. It smacked us in the face even if we weren’t ready. I know and understand the depths of darkness and the beauty of igniting your light. It’s not easy or comfortable and the disconnection of self can be paralysing. However what I do know is by simply having the courage to own all of, it allows you the freedom to simply be you, to anchor your light and to truly remember who you are.

With a splash of mermaid magic and let unicorns lead your way.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

2. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you

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I have been blogging on and off for the last 8 or so years. Writing for me is a place where I feel that I can truly come home to express and process. It has taken me a while to want to start writing again as the last 12 or so months I had been very disconnected. Was this fun? NO! Was it exactly what I potentially needed to get to the change that was required? ABSOLUTLEY YES! What I do know is that through these times of disconnect, writing was probably the last thing that I wanted to do. I did some journaling on some occasions but for the most part I had very little energy to partake in anything.

I have questioned and wondered whether or not I continue with my blogs and for now I have come to the conclusion that I will. For me it is an opportunity to connect with others and perhaps for another to not feel so isolated in their thoughts and emotions. When I came across the quote that I wanted to write about I almost didn’t because at times I feel that there is a lot of toxic positivity that we tend to swirl around in. Trust me I know this process all too well as I was the queen on wanting to turn every negative interaction or experience into a positive one. I even blogged about it for 365 days in earlier years.

So what has changed? Everything and nothing! Everything that we once knew has been turned inside out in the last couple of years. I was saying to a friend earlier, just as you feel that one layer has been exposed and you have time to heal and ground, there is another challenge and opportunity that presents. I feel that these days the lessons tend to come in thick and fast and in polarity they can move on just as quickly. What I know to be true is what is alive in my world. What is in yours is different and we have truly become our own teacher. I question all I have learned along the way and now make decisions from this space, time and knowing. It is uncovering the depths of the shadow so that it can fully be transmuted to light. What we continually uncover and learn about the world that we exist in can at times be unsettling. Now more than every community and connection is paramount.

So whatever it is that may or may not be challenging in your world right now, you don’t have to put a positive spin on it right away. You don’t have to send it love and light you don’t have do anything but simply be you and know that in the challenge, there is growth however that may look. It’s time that we take reverence on the inner wisdom and connect to create the change we want to see and be in the world.

With a splash of mermaid magic and let unicorns lead your way.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

17. “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

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A few days ago we woke to the news of a 22 year old that was murdered in Melbourne. She is the almost the same age as my niece and was killed in a part of Melbourne that I know all too well. It could have been anyone. My body reeled as it felt way too close to home. As the days have progressed there has been an outstanding amount of media coverage. I have reflected about the way it has made me feel. I feel sadness for the life that has been lost through a senseless death. It is wrong that there is so much fear and anxiety around feeling safe. What is even more pertinent are some of the messages that are being delivered. I have watched and read numerous news reports and can agree with what is being communicated. Let’s make no mistake; what happened to this young woman is unfathomable.

What has left me sitting in a space of wonder is the gender divide. There have been a number of issues that have been highlighted. The media has indicated that it is the behaviour of men that needs to change. I agree. It has also been described that women should not have to change their behaviour in order to be safe. I can also resonate with this. Where I feel unsettled is that it is primarily against men and rightly so in this case. I understand that there is an epidemic of domestic violence and that women are killed at the mercy of men. But on the flip side violence doesn’t discriminate. There is so much that we don’t hear about. It has been reported that 21 fathers die by suicide each week because of women who deny them access to their children.

I don’t want this to be a debate as I don’t disagree with the correspondence of the “news”. Instead what I am suggesting is that perhaps we need to come from a different viewpoint and understand that violence on any level is not acceptable. So many lives are lost every day in all parts of the world that include innocent children, men and women. There are countless deaths that we don’t hear about, yet one death that feels that it could be any of us and we rally to create change. Creating change is the catalyst and we are all responsible for the world we live in. It is not up to anyone else but ourselves to be the change that we want to see in the world.

Men are just as prone to violence as what women are and yet it feels like we are creating a greater divide. I could be totally wrong. This is only my viewpoint and what this current situation feels like for me. We want change yet what are we doing about it? Do we practice compassion, peace and loyalty in the way we live? How can we expect to achieve a state of love and peace when we don’t even have it our own lives? What are we doing each and every day to make the world a better place, to be of service and to be compassionate and loyal to each and every human being? I know that this has been a reminder for me to know that creating change with love, compassion and peace is what we are born to do. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxox

2. If you could change the world, what would it be? – Sonia Muraca

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It is funny or not how life manifests. We set an intention and we have no idea how it may or may not transpire. When our soul speaks to us we can only ignore it for so long. Our cousin chose to go home almost three years ago, still that feeling of anguish sits in my being, but it can’t always live there. As a family we turned our attention outwards and organised a fundraiser in her honour. It wasn’t so much about raising money but most importantly about awareness. The money that we did raise went into a community that our cousin was connected to. Our vision was that they would be able to connect to more people. I knew at that time that there was something more that had to be done about suicide.

Ultimately we can’t stop any being from doing what is their choice. Instead what I can do is recognise that a loss of connection to self, can lead to a very dark path. Dark doesn’t have to be good or bad. It is an opportunity to find visit the depths of our souls and discover our truth. Behind the pain there are lessons to be learnt and joy to be found, if this is what we allow. For so many the pain is too deep or hurts too much and that is not for me to judge or tell you otherwise. I have been great at burying and shoving stuff down but you know what it resurfaces and generally when we least expect it.

As the fundraiser progressed so did #connecttocreatechange#. I have had some ideas swirling around for months now and after having a chat with my mentor this week I know that there is a bigger picture. I work in the area of suicide prevention and awareness and my passion about people not taking their own lives is one that I feel I am meant to do. Almost every 3 hours in Australia a precious life is lost to suicide. A figure that I still can’t quite comprehend nor do I want to. This isn’t about saving lives rather it is about creating more conscious connections with ourselves and each other.

I began writing this blog a few days ago and wasn’t sure where it was going. As I sit and finish my blog a few days later I have had a moment of clarity. For the last four or so years I have written simply because I love to write, it is also a part of who I am. It allows me to connect to my heart space and unleash what is going on in my sometimes monkey mind. I would love and invite you to be a part of #connecttocreatechange#. It is time to show up, be vulnerable and ask for your input, ideas and thoughts on how you feel change can be created. Sometimes it is the simplest of gestures that can change someones life forever. If you could change the world, what would it be?  Never underestimate the strength and power of humanity, kindness and love. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxox

12. Being present to every moment of our lives is living in our spirituality. True spirituality is in the living of it, not the talking about it.

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I am not sure who wrote this quote. It is from a woman’s calendar that has been sitting on my desk. It is for women who “do too much”. The irony is that I glance it at from time to time but don’t absorb what is being written. Today I felt compelled to rip off the pages that had already occurred and of course there was a message that I connected to. In just over a short week I will be moving to Queensland and taking a leap of faith. I have packed up my home and am almost ready to go. Today at work I completed an official handover with clients that I have worked with and now I am tying up final loose ends.

I made a conscious decision to stay present and in the moment. Unfortunately or fortunately this hasn’t always been working for me. (insert lesson here) This morning I got myself into quite a tizz. I have expected that there would be some kind of emotional overload going on. After all I am Italian and can be quite dramatic at times. #justsaying#.  I am moving to a place where I have never lived before. Everything I know will be no longer and I am moving away from my family and friends, my support network and all I have known for such a long time. I am excited and so ready! However I have had moments of meltdown. I am not judging it rather I am just allowing that what needs to come up is being presented so it can be cleared.

This move for me has been based on what my heart feels and listening to the sounds of my soul. The sounds have resonated and the feelings have vibrated through every morsel of my being. The feeling of connectedness is one of freedom and truth.  I am being supported in every decision along the way. Life is about learning and perspective of what is presented to us. There have been challenges and that is perfectly OK. It is what I do with them that matters. I can choose to go into fear or I can rise about it and learn from what is being presented. If I am present in that exact moment, nothing else truly matters. My past is just that and has no power or energy unless I choose to give it ammunition. The choice is completely mine.  So a part of going with the flow is going with what is presented, good, bad or indifferent. We easily connect with feelings of joy. When we are presented with pain, anger or whatever we deem to be uncomfortable we try to shun it away. For me the most important lesson of this experience has been to stay present. Nothing else matters except right now. My past is a gift, simple, full stop, the end. The present is all we truly have and simply being in this moment. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxoox

10.What is your why?

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I watched the movie Collateral Beauty a few days ago. It is one of those movies that leaves you pondering and for me wiping my tears and snot from my face. There were so many profound lessons and moments that I took away, and for parts of it I am still processing the dynamics. It was about connection of life and the interpretation of time, death and love. Within it there was the collateral beauty of what it all brings and perception of what life truly means and is.

Life is so much about connection and without it out we lay dormant.  For me right now I have made a decision to relocate to another state. In just under a short month I will move to Queensland. So what is my why?  I feel like it is time to challenge myself to a place where for most of the time the skies are blue and I don’t have to wear 4 layers of clothing to feel warm. Ok so that is not the only reason. For me connection is so much more and right now at this time I am not feeling it in Melbourne. I am so blessed with an abundance of family and friends and for 42 years I have called it home but I just feel like there is more. When we truly connect to who we are and what we are here to do with this one precious life we are in flow.

Life changes and for most of the time it just is. It presents us with challenges and hurdles that we wish we could simply F*&k right off. It is what we do with these moments that ultimately shape us to the people we are and the role that we play in our world. We can either choose to feel like we have been hard done by or we can turn it around and live from a place of harmony and joy. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy for we cannot have one without the other. We would never know joy if we did not experience pain. We shy away from pain and the feelings that bring us the most discomfort because we feel like it is too hard to go there. We connect with others through our emotions and experiences.  If we are not delving into the depth of our soul, connection waivers and perhaps we are only half living.

So when I reflect on this next chapter of my life instead of analysing the crap out of what if, I simply say to myself why not? Am I fearful of the next chapter and moving to another state away from everything that I have ever known? Absoufuckinlutley! But you know what I am more afraid of not going and never knowing.  What I do know is what life has taught me so far. It has taught me to take risks, to know that life is measured by the love we give and most importantly to be of service to precious humanity. To be kind and loyal to one another, even in the moments of distaste and injustice.  Actions of destruct are never OK nor are they pleasant. What I have come to understand is that hurt people, hurt people and where there are so many disharmonies we simply must be peace. What I do know is that my why is simply to be love living and to find the beauty of all that is. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

8. What have I done today to help a younger person think for themselves?

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(The kids of Cambodia to whom I am forever grateful for the lessons of simplicity, gratitude & unconditional love)

Our little people of the world are such a precious and unique gift. Today I am celebrating a friend’s son 1st birthday and his blessing to the world. I am not a biological mum but I am surrounded and so very blessed to have so many children with whom I share my life with. One of my most valued roles is being a “zia”. I love the unconditional love that I am offered and the gifts that I am relished with.  Life takes turns and twists and I suppose on some level I had anticipated that I would be a mum. At the age of 42 I am not. There is acceptance that being a biological mum won’t happen in this lifetime. At times there has been a yearning to explore this area but it is not something that I choose to dwell on nor is it something that I spend my energy in regret or angst. It simply is. Instead I can focus my energy outward and be the best role model that I can possibly be, to create a world where little people become the shining light that they need to be.

We are born into this world being a blissful energy of purity. What happens along the way as we grow and learn is often the way that our lives are shaped. Life happens and we teach children what we know. There is no right or wrong and the lessons we are meant to impart we will. Children are our greatest teachers and the amount of learning that we can encapsulate from them is the essence on how we can strive to be better people. There are no masks or facades. They simply are just who they need to be and show up exactly as they are. This is the beauty. However what is important is the knowledge and wisdom that we impart. Are we teaching them fear? Are we teaching them to be the best versions of who they can possibly be? Are we keeping them small through our own belief patterns? I am not an expert nor am I a parent. What I do know and feel is that we owe it to our little people to teach them to make our world a different and better than the way we will leave it.

One of the greatest compliments that I received was a friend telling me the other day that her son wanted to catch up and talk about his upcoming school trip to Cambodia. He is excited to share his news and I can’t wait to hear about it. The smile and warmth that it generated was overwhelming and I was super stoked. He is a teenage boy and has a strong yearning to be a part of a building project and help those less fortunate than he is. This is life and our responsibility to make the world one that is safe and harmonious. Every action creates a reaction so let’s be mindful of the lessons we impart.  If this is the knowledge and courage that I can impart onto another then my heart is full. What have you done today to help a younger person think for themselves? Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xxx

25. The universe works on many principles that are beyond our control. They work independently of our opinion, and work even if we do not understand them

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Christmas festivities have subsided for another year and the quite lull is welcoming. The season seems to provoke so much and with it an avalanche of emotions, good bad and indifferent. For some the empty chairs  is what hits the hardest, for others the financial strain soars and the toxins we induce into our bodies aren’t always that great. But hey, Merry Christmas and HO HO HO! Me personally I can be the Grinch who stole Christmas and seriously doesn’t give a F&*K or I can sway to the peace and prosperity that the season brings. It all depends on which day you speak to me.  I really dislike the emphasis that we seem to place on one day and the commercialism of it all. How about we don’t wait for one day to be happy and all things holly? How about we practise kindness and compassion every day?

Now please don’t take what I have to say as gospel as often what I am writing is also a reminder to myself? Do I practise kindness and compassion every day? Heck no! I don’t go out being a deliberate asshole but there are certainly times when I haven’t taken the time or respect to fill myself up with what I need so how can I possibly be doing it for others?  It doesn’t mean I have to go into the story about it all rather recognising and having an awareness about what is happening for me not to me.

It has been a while since I have written my blog. Instead I have spent the most part of the year writing a book that has been in the making for almost 15 years. The book is primarily about suicide awareness and prevention, my own journey of mental illness and many roads of recovery. So when I read the affirmation for today a number of thoughts ran through my mind. I thought about Christmas and what it meant for me and then I began to reflect on what a year it has been.  There is just so much! Where do we start really?

What I did notice most poignantly was that the “universe works on many principles” and indeed it does. There is so much focus on searching and looking for that one thing to make it better, for that one thing to make it right. All along everything we need is already inside of us we just have to work our way to find it. Sometimes the search is long and arduous and other times it can be magical and quick. Other times it flashes before our very eyes and sometimes it takes the wind out of us. Whatever it may be is right for you and what works best. We try so hard to please everybody else that we simply forget the most important aspect of self. That everything is perfectly imperfect just the way it is. If you want it to be different, choice is simple, make your own rules and create your own dance. The universe works on many principles that are beyond our control. They work independently of our opinion, and work even if we do not understand them. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoox

18. The Journey

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The title of the affirmation today comes from a coffee shop that I am sitting in front of at the Gold Coast airport. I am waiting for a shuttle bus to pick me up so I can stay with my bff for a few days and I am so excited I may just wee myself! I usually take my affirmations with me when I go away but clearly I forgot. Instead of being regimented I decided to sit and write about whatever I was presented with and so here I am. There is something about packing a suitcase and heading to an airport that fills me with such excitement, so I suppose when I saw the words “The Journey” staring at me I took it as a sign to write some words.

Yes it is exciting getting on a plane and going to visit wonderful places or connecting with loved ones. What I truly love about travel are the experiences along the way that define and shape the journey for you as in life. I have had such beautiful connections on the way from Melbourne to Gold Coast in such a short time that it has whooshed me straight into my heart space. I make a conscious and deliberate action to be present and to be in the moment of what I am doing, unless I am reading or writing. Even as I wrote on the plane today the man seated next to me asked me what I was writing about and we spoke for a while. There was a lady who sat next to me for a short while and we somehow began speaking about Cambodia. In such a short amount of time I was speaking to complete strangers about two of my most passionate topics, suicide awareness and Cambodia.

So yes right now for me it is about getting on a plane and having a little adventure to Bryon Bay but it also allows me to reflect on so much more than that. It reminds me to be in the present moment and to be reminded about the magic and miracles that follow us each and every day.  We always seem to be waiting for this or that to make our lives just right but what if they were perfect just the way it was right now. What is it that we are actually waiting for? We only have right now and we have so much of our precious lives to live.

I am always learning for if I stopped I may as will be dead. I am not perfect far from it in fact but what I do know it that I am imperfectly perfect just the way I am. We have a moral responsibility as we live on earth and at the very minimum to be loyal and compassionate to one another. To be in service where we are sharing our unique gifts and lead an authentic life with integrity. It truly doesn’t matter where you have been but it does matter where you are going. For me right now I am looking forward to many moments of magic and miracles as they follow my days. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste