23. Oh the things that you find if you don’t stay behind – Dr Suess

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Some days are just shit, there is no rhyme or reason it just is. Sometimes it is a cascade of events that lead you to the space and you can identify what is going on for you. Our minds can be complex as we unravel our perception of what is. For me one of the most important things that life has to offer is connection. Connection to self and others is what keeps us creative and alive. Well for me it does anyway. There are times when it doesn’t all flow and this is when it is time to stop and listen. I have been in an unusual space for a little while now. What I mean by unusual it is somewhere where I haven’t been before and a space that is being created. If we always do what we have always done we always get what we always got.

We don’t really get taught about these days nor do we celebrate them. In fact we tend to shy away from them and pretend that they don’t exist. We somehow only feel accomplished on the days we feel content and connected. What about the other days? At the moment I am not in paid employment. Often we define ourselves by the work that we do and the job in which we are employed. It is the reason we get up in the morning, spend most of our days there and our lives often revolve around weekends and time off work. This is perfectly OK if this is how we choose to live our lives. There is no better or worse it just is.

I turned 44 this year. I have worked in the community sector for most of my working life and I have always loved it. My last stint in Community Services was one that served me in ways that I did not expect. It doesn’t mean that it was good or bad it was simply an experience. What it did to was allow me to question life on a realm that I haven’t been before and as far as I am concerned for the better. Along with that has come some days and moments where I have questioned where I am at, revisited my purpose and shed a shit load of emotions that obviously had been sitting there ready to be released.

In the midst of that I have had to revisit a health issue which was unexpected.  None the less I can either choose to go to a place that I have reverted to or I can go and be an uncomfortable mess for a while. So for now it is about digging that little deeper, reaching out that little bit more and unravelling the intricacies that life has to offer. Life presents and there are times where we need to be reminded of who we are and what we came here to do. To find the abundance and simplicity in what life has to offer is often the biggest treasure that we can acquire.  To live from a place of trust, purpose and meaning is what defines us. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxox

 

12. I only own my mind – I am mine – Pearl Jam

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A friend sent me this song this morning, the lyrics resonated and I connected with it. I am not sure why she sent it. There was no message just the song. I know and feel our connection beyond distance so I know that it was something that I needed to hear. I start a new job tomorrow and I am feeling beyond nervous. I was chatting to a friend yesterday and expressed that I was starting to feel anxious about it all. She reminded me to look at it as an exciting new chapter. So when I heard and felt the song this morning I felt that it was a little reminder to really be in the moment about the new chapter that I begin tomorrow. I am not a magician and nor do I have a magic wand to switch off my thoughts but what I can achieve is awareness.

As I write my blog for the day I am jolted into a different reality. I can hear the news about the chemical war fare in Syria. I am watching people being hosed down in an attempt to wash the chemicals in which they have been attacked with.  I could go on and on about the pure injustice about the war that is happening and the suffering that our world goes through. I am not sure that it would actually achieve anything except more of the same energy that exacerbates injustice.

As the lyrics of the song indicate – I only own my mind [1]I can only control what happens to my thoughts and words. I cannot and nor do I want to change the mind of others. That is not my job nor is it my business. I can only act in my highest integrity and come from a place of loyalty and respect in all that I do. For me the most significant reminder has been to really focus on what matters most. I can’t change the chemical warfare in Syria and nor can I do anything for the children that have been doused with chemicals. Feeling anxious or nervous about a new job now seems so irrelevant.

I am not indicating that feelings are insignificant. In fact we have to allow them to vibrate through our being. When we shove them down they eventually transpire into something, somewhere along our path. The stuff that is happening is Syria leaves me feeling broken and a little helpless about the world. There is so much that I do feel especially when I see children suffering. I feel the grief of not having my own children, I feel that no human being should ever have to be exposed to that level of suffering and I feel the injustice.

So for now I can make a choice to own my mind and thoughts. I can either spend the day in suffering about what the morning has presented with or I can create a different awareness and ensure that I am living love and peace in all that I do. I may not be able to stop the war but as the lyrics of the Pearl Jam resonate I can evoke for myself that “I was born and I know that I’ll die
the in between is mine – I am mine”
– Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxox

 

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVho74SDOis

4. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime – Bette Davis.

Quote About Pay No Attention To What People Say. Pay Very Close

I have been reflecting on pain and what that means especially in the last few days. I have been pondering this morning and felt an urge to write when I came across this quote. “Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime”.  Perhaps I am still learning what love is. I know what it feels like to be loved by my family and closest friends but when it comes to relationships with men it is not something that I have always been able to reflect on with the fondest of memories. This isn’t a sob story on who did what because quite frankly that would bore the crap out of me. Instead it about acknowledging what was so I can move forward to what is.

We are so afraid of pain, being hurt, abandoned and don’t allow ourselves to be fully loved for who we are. We are frightened at the chance of our precious hearts being in anguish. I am not sure how much I resonate with the quote today, none the less it has allowed me to ponder what this means to me. This is my perspective and an area of my life that has had it great and not so great moments. Fortunately or unfortunately when it comes to love, men and relationships there has been more pain than not. Does this mean that I carry it for a lifetime or that it simply was and love is one the other side? For love is all there truly ever is. It isn’t about blaming rather acknowledging that I was also the creation of these stories. For me the most important relationship is the one that I have with myself. If I cannot love myself unconditionally then how can I expect this from someone else?

Unconditional love for self is something that I have learnt to give myself. I am happy being on my own. I have fought hard to be where I am today and it hasn’t been an easy or smooth ride. Would I change the pain? Not in a heartbeat. For when we hurt deeply we love even more. I was at a breakfast the other morning and the guest speaker spoke about her husband. The words reverberated through my body when she said, “I don’t need my husband, I want him” This was a turning point for me as I really felt what this meant. Have I been avoiding not being in pain opposed to rising and being in love?

I am certainly not professing to know the answers and all I can do is speak my truth. There is a saying that I particularly love. “We can’t write a new chapter unless we have turned the page” What if the new pages that we turned weren’t ones that were filled with trepidation and fear? What if the new story was one that we chose to live from a place of having an open heart and wanted to risk love more than pain? This isn’t just being in a romantic relationship but in all that we do. If we do not love from a loving place are we living at all? Blessed be and so it is so it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

3. Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. – Sonia Muraca

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A few years ago I met a beautiful woman at my local chemist. We connected and started chatting about life. I had been buying some bits and pieces for Cambodia and she had wanted to know more about the work that I was doing. I happily told her and she had asked if we could connect on Facebook. I often find that when I speak about Cambodia it is when I make the deepest of connections. Perhaps it is because I am completely in my heart space and it is simply felt between the exchanges of souls connecting. When I was in Melbourne a few weeks ago she helped me choose some medicinal items for my sore throat. We chatted briefly about our lives and we hugged before we left. Unknowingly this would be the last time that I saw her.

I found out yesterday that she has left this realm on earth. She was a young woman who died suddenly and I feel quite saddened by her passing. As I am sitting here and reading about her life I am reflecting what it is that I am feeling. I feel incredibly grateful that I connected with her. I feel the unconditional love and loyalty between humanity that we shared. When souls recognise one another there is feeling that brings you comfort and peace. I know that each time I saw her, this is how I felt. What it leaves me to ponder is how well do we love?  How do we make each moment matter and what are we doing with our one precious life? I know that I make a conscious decision to do the best that I know how, but this has left me pondering somewhat.

Her life is not my story to tell and not what this blog is about. For me this is about honouring what I am feeling and allowing whatever is meant to come up will. I didn’t speak, nor did I see her every day but when we did, we connected on a soul level. We go through life just talking and doing but there can be little or no real union between each other. We can go through life being automated and barely notice what is real and what is not.

It brings me to the realisation that there is so much to do in our universe that matters the most. That we should take more risks, love more courageously and live more fiercely. That doing what we love is what is most important and how we loved others just as significant. That connection with humanity is what I love the most because it is this feeling that truly remains.  Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. To you beautiful woman thank you for your beautiful heart and what you have taught me, may your wings soar you high.  Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

20. “Don’t let anybody walk through your mind with their dirty feet” – Ghandi

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I heard this quote twice yesterday. When I heard it for the second time I really stopped to listen and feel what it meant for me. Earlier that day I had been listening to some radio station. They were talking about forgiveness. I almost changed it but something stopped me. The announcer explained that when we hate someone every day it requires a lot of effort and energy. The act of forgiveness happens once and we are done. Sounds pretty simple and it was definitely something that I needed to be reminded of. I am no angel, far from it. I am a human having a spiritual experience. I don’t love all the time but for most of the time I have an open heart. My blog is about writing with a compassionate heart even on the days when I don’t want to. These are the times when I need it the most.

So after having heard the quote twice and having listened to the story about forgiveness I figured there was certainly something that I needed to look into. There is no surprise that someone from my past surfaced and had been only what they can be. Being compassionate also means that the other party is doing the best that they can and they are in their own process of healing. Look if you had of heard me at the time it was quite the contrary, but a day or two later and I have learnt to not let someone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

First and foremost we are human beings. I believe in order to evolve that we have to experience all the extremities of emotions, irrespective of whether they feed good or bad. Sometimes or not it helps to analyse the crap out of a misdoing and we simply do our head in. On a conscious level we are aware that the thoughts we are allowing to consume us are only generating a negative impact on our bodies and lives.

Our souls remind us that what we are going through is for the greater good or is redirecting us to a bigger and better place. However our minds and our bodies can tell us otherwise. We carry anger, distaste and attempt to rationalise the injustice that has occurred. Unfortunately or not our bodies can take a little more time to catch up to what we truly know. Respecting and honouring the process is paramount to our evolvement. I am all for love in fact I thrive in an atmosphere of love. It is all good and well to send love and light but sometimes let’s just own it and call it for what it is. I know that anger and resentment isn’t worth hanging onto to but I also know that I am human and feeling all of what life has to offer is part of my growth and aligning me to exactly where I am meant to be  “Don’t let anybody walk through your mind with their dirty feet”– Ghandi. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoo

15. “I came here for love”

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I was at my exercise session this morning and I heard a song that caught my attention. I barely remembered the lyrics other than the words “I came here for love” I can’t say that I was actually listening to the song. I was too busy trying to get through each round of exercise at 5am. On the way home from work I heard the same song. I love music and what it is able to do. The song immediately resonated with me as the words worked their way to my soul. I am not even sure what the song is about but I felt a strong urge to write about it.

We can talk about messages and signs from the universe but we also have to be present to listen to them. Living in a new state for over a month now, I am probably the most present I have ever been. That is not to say that I have no distractions or that I am perfect. In fact far from it, I like to call it a work in progress. We are all here to learn and grow from what we know and what surrounds us at the perfect time. So when I heard the lyrics for the2nd time in one day I took it a sign that it was something that I was meant to hear. After all everything is about perspective and interpretation.

We come into this lifetime as a big bundle of love and unfortunately life happens and our natural state of being in not something that we become accustomed to. This morning I was told that it is likely that more war and terrorism could occur, quite possibly the truth. Not the sprinkle of sunshine I had planned to start my day with but I also have personal freedom and choice. It is not to say that I walk around with rose coloured glasses (as much as I reckon they would be really cool). Instead I am reminded that “I came here with love”

This morning as I went for my morning coffee, I listened to a mum scathe her child in front of everyone. The words rang through my mind “I came here for love”. I have no idea what she went through that morning, nor is it any of my business. It is however my purpose to be love in all that I do. It doesn’t mean that her actions are justified and that the protection of the little boy isn’t paramount, instead it is about the way I choose to spend the next moments in that time. I could create more angst or I can simply send her some peace and patience.

Today was a perfect reminder for me to be love in all that I do. After all it is who we truly are. It doesn’t mean that life is always presented with unicorns and rainbows, I get it shit happens. Instead what I do know is that I can choose to respond with love, truth and personal responsibility in all that I do. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

13. F.E.A.R – Face everything and rise.

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So I made the big move to Gold Coast Queensland and have been here just under a week.  I felt really compelled to write this morning as it always puts me in a place of grounding and alignment. What came to me was the juxtaposition of what the word fear can actually mean. I don’t recall where I heard that FEAR can also mean “Face everything and rise” and nor does it actually matter. What is important for me right now is how it resonates and where I choose to place my energy.

The Gold Coast is a picture of paradise. I could certainly spend the next 400 or so words about the picturesque settings that I am in total awe of. Instead what feels more important is to appreciate the contrast of what Queensland means to me right now and how I am feeling in the face of fear. Fear is paralysing and stops us from living love and from our hearts. When we live from our head space it is debilitating and sends us into a spiral of chaos and big fat brain drain! Trust me I know.

What I continue to learn is if something isn’t challenging us then we are not learning and evolving. Not sure about you but the aspect of staying the same scares the crap out of me. So I have had to remind myself of that quite a few times this week. The move has been one that I know is absolutely something that I have needed to do on so many levels. That doesn’t mean that “fear” doesn’t turn up on occasions and I can send myself into a little tail spin. After all we are humans first and foremost. We can go about being all spiritual and stuff but what does that mean anyways? I would much rather not go into labels and instead simply be real and raw. We tend to shy away time and time again from feelings of pain and uncomfortableness, but these are the ones that stem the most growth.

So for me right now, I know that this is a time of total transition. Yes there is fear around the unknown. At times there is pure joy and others an emotion I can’t even identify with because I have never quite been here before. I know that I wake up to an ocean of pure bliss and the sounds of waves which sing to my soul. I can also sit at a coffee shop and watch the connections of friends meeting up and miss home. I can choose to live in the fear of the unknown or I can embrace every opportunity that this sea change has to offer and rise. It doesn’t mean that I am not going to go through a range of “stuff” at any given time. What it does teach me is to live love, get outside of my head and create from a space of freedom and compassion. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

To “Let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

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When I sat down today to write my blog I hadn’t quite expected what was going to come up. Life has a funny way of revealing itself to you at the most opportune and serendipitous moments. As I read the affirmation today I can recall past conversations especially about my last relationship. I can hear myself saying “I regret convincing myself that I didn’t want to have children” when deep down I discovered I would have welcomed being a mum with open arms. I have caught myself saying “ I regret not loving myself enough to leave a relationship that was not in alignment with who I was” A lot of bloody regret right there I reckon and judging by the way my stomach is churning whilst I am writing, I am gathering it doesn’t do a whole lot for your cellular body either.

When I go into my heart space it simply makes me feel sad and justifiably so. This has been an issue that with time and healing is one that has unmistakably allowed me to grow in so many other areas of my life. What I have come to terms with is that I may not be a biological mum in this time and whatever will be simply will. In the process I love and embrace my role as Zia to my kooky, inspiring, compassionate and amazing nephews and nieces.

So for me now it is all about perception and truly not feeling regret for past decisions. Even as I type the word regret the vibration feels shitty and dull. Instead what I opt is to fully embrace the lessons and amazing experiences that I have been able to delve into because of a relationship that did not serve me.

Whether or not I am a biological mum in this lifetime is irrelevant, rather for me it is about the love that I am able to share with others is most prevalent. I have worked in child protection over my community services career. There have been plenty of children who are born to parents who simply through lack of love of self cannot love another and this is truly sad. I know now through the learning of relationships that didn’t serve me I have a lot of love to give. So how can I have regret when I have learnt to love without conditions?

Whilst this one has been a tough and sad lesson for me that I am embracing the silver lining. It is about teaching and inspiring others to fully feel into their heart space and to be in relationships where love is unconditional. For unconditional love is the purest love of all and once you have discovered that love for yourself you are only able to attract the same. To “Let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xx

 

72. I am far more than other people’s opinions. My opinion of myself is the one that counts.

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I love the age old saying “what others think about me is not of my business”. It sounds so simple, but yet we tend to get caught up in our egos. For such a long time I truly gave a f*&K about what others thought or said about me. Now I couldn’t care less. Not because I am arrogant or self-centred but simply because I recognise that their perception is a reflection of their world. At 41 years young I have the wisdom to know the difference. Trust me it hasn’t always been this easy or simple for me. There were times in my life where I just wanted to be loved and accepted and would worry and care about what others thought and said. Now I figure if somebody is taking the time to “talk about me” even if it is not in the most desirable of ways then I must be pretty significant for them to putting their energy into it. All about perception I reckon.

It is when we are down and out about ourselves that the options of other can either exacerbate or alleviate our feelings, good bad or indifferent. It is the relationship that we have about our self that is the most important. We are only able to feel the negative impact of another opinion if we in fact have that opinion about ourselves

I have accepted and now love my inner “crazy\weird”. There was a time that I was so embarrassed and ashamed about having a mental health issue that I would avoid it at all costs. Now I am loud and proud about it because I embrace and love my “crazy\weird”. I am happy to admit that at times there is “Little Miss Psycho” that resides within me. She is certainly much more tamed these days but Little Miss Psycho is a part of me that I have learnt to love and totally embrace. She is the part that has allowed me to dig deep and discover my creative flair that I love to express.

With this experience has also come a “shitload” of lessons. Sure it is about the stigma that is attached to mental illness, but it so much more and quite frankly I don’t really care about the “story” any more. What I love most is how the experience has enriched my life and fulfilled a part of me that I never knew existed. So we have a choice about others opinion. We can either get pulled into the drama of it all or not give a rats and focus on the amazing relationship with ourselves, because who we are is a reflection of what is around us.. I am far more than other people’s opinions. My opinion of myself is the one that counts. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox

66. It is Ok to be sad sometimes. Sadness is just another feeling. I allow it to be, and then it passes away.

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Sadness is a feeling that right now feels miles away as I get myself organised to go on a little getaway with my sisters and cousin to Queensland. I could write about how happy that it is making me right now and that sadness is far removed from my mind but that would make a contradictory blog. One of the reasons for the getaway is because there has been so much sadness this year and part of getting away is to have fun, be together and have some fun.

For me I know sadness all too well. Whilst I was in the midst of my depression over 15 years ago  it is something that I now have so much more awareness of and an aspect of my life in which I am truly grateful for. For me sadness and feeling flat is a part of my life that I have learnt to embrace, a space in which I am able to feel vulnerable and an experience that I am able to grow from.

A friend text me the other day and told me she “felt” me and that I was feeling sad. For me this is one of the greatest gifts that I am able to receive. Yes I was feeling sick and sorry for myself yet to know that there was another person that was happy to hold that space for me in my vulnerability allowed me to feel what it was that I needed to and move on from that feeling. It wasn’t about shoving it down and pretending that I was OK, rather it wasn’t about having courage and strength in my vulnerability to move through the feelings and process them the way that was beneficial to me.

Sadness is a feeling that we sometimes tend to shy away from. A feeling that at times we try to “snap out of” and one that tends to disassociate us from the rest of our world. It is a feeling that can have stigma attached to it and one that doesn’t always appear as acceptable from others. We all want to hang around happy uplifting people but yet we find it uncomfortable to sit with someone in their sadness. Now there is difference between negativity and sadness.  For me sadness especially this year has been one of the greatest gifts in which I have allowed myself to dig deep to what is truly important, to expose my vulnerability with those I trust and to gain insight and understanding to my shadow side.

Where sadness lies most for me is for my dear cousin who chose to take her life, not only for her but the countless others that felt that suicide was their only answer. It makes me sad that in a world where we are so many there can still be no connection that gives another individual enough courage to stay. Whilst there is sadness there is also an inner courage and strength to do more for others, to connect on levels that I haven’t before and to know and truly feel that we are all one, that we are connected. Whilst we celebrate each other with joy it is just as important to celebrate and be present in the sadness. It is Ok to be sad sometimes. Sadness is just another feeling. I allow it to be, and then it passes away.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

With HUGE love

Sonia

xxxx