“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit” – Bankay

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I was watching the Bachelorette the other night. Yes I know it is a highly intelligent and stimulating show. One of the guys on the show stated “I just want to be happy”. I was intrigued by what he had said and thought, does this mean you are not happy? Does it mean you are only happy once you are in a relationship?  How do you know what happy means and how is happiness defined?  If we don’t experience the extremity of sadness how do we know what happy feels like?

Today was my Nonna’s birthday. She passed over 6 years ago. I sat on the beach for a few hours today and remembered all of the beautiful lessons that I learnt from her. I felt her resilience, strength and courage in all that she endured. She had a tough life. My Nonno completed suicide and she was left to raise 9 children on her own. Her smile and laughter was far and few between. I felt happy in my sadness of missing her and wishing that I could hear her just one more time.  As I sat on the rocks and closed my eyes I could feel the whispers of her wings close by. I felt sad that she is no longer here but happy that there was so much to remember and smile about.  Can we be happy in our sadness? Why is it that we feel so uncomfortable with feelings that don’t elate us? I know for me that so much growth happens from pain. It is where I have the opportunity to dig deep and learn more about why I am here in this one precious life.

So when I came across this quote today I reflected it back to happiness and what that meant for me.  I don’t think we are always meant to be happy and why do we perceive sadness as negative? Maybe those times are just “rest” times in our lives. For me happiness is about being content in where I am no matter what is presented. It certainly doesn’t mean that I always have my shit together in fact far from it. It is not about one person being better or superior than another. We are all in different stages of our lives; this is what makes us imperfectly perfect. There is a process to healing and we all learn when we are meant to. I am not sure that we ever work it all out. I do feel that is a work in progress and personal responsibility for where we are at is the freedom of happiness.

I don’t want to wait for another human being to make me happy and quite frankly it is not fair to have that expectation of another. It doesn’t mean that others don’t bring happiness to our lives; in fact the core of connection is pivotal. What it does mean is not having an expectation that another person or situation can give us something that we cannot give ourselves. If we can’t find a sense of happiness within then we can’t expect it from another. The best relationship that we are ever going to have is the one we have with ourselves.  If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Blessed be. So it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

13. F.E.A.R – Face everything and rise.

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So I made the big move to Gold Coast Queensland and have been here just under a week.  I felt really compelled to write this morning as it always puts me in a place of grounding and alignment. What came to me was the juxtaposition of what the word fear can actually mean. I don’t recall where I heard that FEAR can also mean “Face everything and rise” and nor does it actually matter. What is important for me right now is how it resonates and where I choose to place my energy.

The Gold Coast is a picture of paradise. I could certainly spend the next 400 or so words about the picturesque settings that I am in total awe of. Instead what feels more important is to appreciate the contrast of what Queensland means to me right now and how I am feeling in the face of fear. Fear is paralysing and stops us from living love and from our hearts. When we live from our head space it is debilitating and sends us into a spiral of chaos and big fat brain drain! Trust me I know.

What I continue to learn is if something isn’t challenging us then we are not learning and evolving. Not sure about you but the aspect of staying the same scares the crap out of me. So I have had to remind myself of that quite a few times this week. The move has been one that I know is absolutely something that I have needed to do on so many levels. That doesn’t mean that “fear” doesn’t turn up on occasions and I can send myself into a little tail spin. After all we are humans first and foremost. We can go about being all spiritual and stuff but what does that mean anyways? I would much rather not go into labels and instead simply be real and raw. We tend to shy away time and time again from feelings of pain and uncomfortableness, but these are the ones that stem the most growth.

So for me right now, I know that this is a time of total transition. Yes there is fear around the unknown. At times there is pure joy and others an emotion I can’t even identify with because I have never quite been here before. I know that I wake up to an ocean of pure bliss and the sounds of waves which sing to my soul. I can also sit at a coffee shop and watch the connections of friends meeting up and miss home. I can choose to live in the fear of the unknown or I can embrace every opportunity that this sea change has to offer and rise. It doesn’t mean that I am not going to go through a range of “stuff” at any given time. What it does teach me is to live love, get outside of my head and create from a space of freedom and compassion. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

11. In freedom I take flight.

 

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I just woke up from a little nap. I have been in the Gold Coast for the last few days. I am moving up here in a few weeks for a sea change so I have spent the last few days sorting out where to from here. As I awoke the words ran through my head “In freedom I take flight” Freedom would have to be one of my highest values.  It is right up there in my list of priorities. For such a long time in my life I felt that my freedom was undermined in one way shape or form.  Whether it was in my childhood, relationship or simply by own restrain and limitation.

So much has transpired in the last month since I have made the decision to relocate and with that comes a huge sense of freedom. Sure freedom means being able pick up and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t have children, pets or any huge responsibilities that keep me from being able to do as I please. This is liberating but what I value most is freedom of thoughts and burdens that subconsciously are created in our thought processes.

Our minds are a powerful tool and one that can be used in greatness but can also succumb to the misery of mindless banter. I have reminded myself time and time again especially in the last week or so to remain present, to stay in this moment. To not rush off to the future because fuck knows what is going on over there. At the moment my mind can feel like a bit of a whirlwind with all that is happening and about to transpire. So when I woke up with the quote literally running through my mind “In flight I take freedom” I knew exactly what it meant.  I instantly felt more settled and felt the urge to write about what was going on for me. I generally have a feel when it is that I need to write. More often than not it is when I am in my head and have begun to disconnect from myself and what is going on.

So when I felt into the quote it was absolutely about freedom, but not necessarily in the freedom to do or say as I please. Rather it was about detachment and the ability to stay present in this very moment. To not require any validation about what is wrong rather to seek what I already know from within. I have absolutely no control about what the future will bring and to be perfectly honest nor do I wish to know. Right now all I do know is what is real. When we allow ourselves go down the rabbit hole of endless banter and drama we can simply stay there and create whirlwinds of chaos. Not sure about you but I am not too keen to go there. Been there done that and trust me it is not all that great! So for now it is about day by day. Sure I require some action steps to get me to where I need to go but the art of detachment and to be present is the finest art of freedom one can have.  Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and my magic follow your day,

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia Muraca

 

7. “Let’s get lost.”

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A friend sent me this quote a few days ago and it has been on my mind since then. It got me thinking about another quote that I particularly love. “Not all who wander are lost” J. R. R. Tolkien. I have been back a few short weeks from a holiday of a lifetime with my dear dad in Italy. I have spent a whirlwind of 3 weeks connecting with my paternal family and was enveloped with an abundance of love and a treasure chest of goodness. I have landed smack bang to Melbourne’s looming winter and have not loved it. I can hear myself whinging about the cold and grey days and I don’t like it. I refuse to let the holidays “blues” settle in. So I ask myself now what?  What is it that I want to create from this one beautiful life that I have?

The largeness of life, the gift of generosity and the natural state of being in my heart seems to have dissipated somewhat.  It has been the same kind of feeling that emerges each time I return from working in Cambodia. For me Cambodia is a place where I feel totally in my heart and leading from a place of deliberate action, opposed to just being. I am not sure it is something that I can simply write in words rather it is a feeling and knowing that where you are is exactly where you are meant to be.

I attended a drumming mediation last night and it has confirmed for me very much the feeling of connection and following your heart home. It is not to say that I don’t ever feel at home in Melbourne but rather the feeling of connection and purpose in all that I do. My work climate along with the current reforms is something that I battle and I am not in flow. The inequality to those that live with mental health issues will serve a greater injustice and my energy is spent on frustration and fighting a neurotic battle that makes me feel disconnected. So when I reflect on being “lost” it is about finding a different way.  To know that there is a bigger purpose. To really and truly step into your purpose and follow your soul to where it is meant to be. In this space there are no questions, and there are no second thoughts. The mindless chatter is eradicated and the connection to self is one that the soul is able to recognise. The feeling of “home” represents being in your heart and that life is in flow.

So when I feel into “wandering” or being “lost” for me it is not about wandering around aimlessly, in fact it is quite the contrary. It is about the connection to self and others. It is about stepping up and being in alignment with what truly matters. There are no guarantees, there is no promise of tomorrow and all we have is right now. So for me it means staying in your heart and listening to the gentle whispers of your soul. For when we are truly connected magic does truly happen. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

4. “Love leads us home”

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This saying has popped up a few times in the last few weeks. So when it came across my vision the other day I took it as a sign to “blog” about. When life is moving along with all things happy and daisy chains it is relatively easy to come from a place of love. It is when life throws us those curveballs and the hurdles present that leading life with an open heart can pose a little more difficult. This is where the real challenge lies. Well it does for me anyway. When I am angry, frustrated or sad I can throw love right out the window. Hopefully it is not too long before I pull over and pick up where I left off.

Yesterday I was reminded about living love with an open heart. Interestingly enough it was a tragic event that allowed me to really feel it. I can be quite oblivious about current news events. I don’t read the paper nor do I watch the news. I do however believe that when I am meant to hear something I will. I was at mums and dads and the news was on. The images were sprawled across the TV. The screen was filled with children fighting for their lives. They were choking and lying lifeless on the ground whilst parents scurrying with their limp child in their arms in the hope to save them. It was utter fear and havoc. The images were horrific beyond belief and ones that as much as I wanted to turn away from I couldn’t. There was a chemical warfare in Syria and the devastation continues to transpire on a daily basis. The loss of humanity is unbearable.

I later posted the clip to Facebook and of course it brought up a lot for stuff for people. Naturally it would. There was blame, sadness and not wanting to watch the horror that was presented. It is not about judgement. It is not about being right or wrong about what one person feels to the next. Rather for me it was about the quote that I came across. How does lead us home when there is so much injustice? How do we stay in a place of love when all we are exposed to is such a cruel and inhumane loss of lives?

What I do know is that I was a lot more conscious of my own thoughts. I didn’t feel like going into blame, nor did I go to an angry place instead I turned it around and thought about what can I do differently? Sure I can’t get on a plane and physically be in Syria and to be perfectly honest nor do I want to. Instead what I can do is to create more peace in the world that I live. After I posed the clip a friend suggested a “prayer\mediation” night. Perfect as a collective we are far more powerful than as individuals. It is only through love that we can conquer otherwise we are in the same vibration as the act itself. Whilst it is tragic beyond comprehension, I don’t want to waste time or energy that serves no purpose. Instead I can turn my attention out and create more peace and love. It is the true essence of love that leads us home. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of love and may magic follow your day,

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxoxo

2. Shame stops you from stepping up.

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Last week I attended Aboriginal Cultural Awareness Training. It was inspiring, educational and tinged with sadness and shame. One of the trainers spoke about how “shame stops us from stepping up” I loved what this meant. This was not only in the context of the training but also the meaning this represented in life. My mind dives into all kinds of things where we may carry shame. I know for me personally there was so much shame connected to mental illness, failed relationships and all kinds of “stuff”. Trust me carrying the shame serves absolutely no purpose, so I loved when I heard that “it” stops you from stepping up.

We are ashamed for a number of reasons and all of our stories are different and unique. Shame is judgement which separates. Generally the shame and judgment is the one that we tend to place on ourselves. Seems ridiculous that we would do this, yet we tend do. Sure there are others that may make us feel ashamed. This can be for a number of different reasons for a multitude of motives. One of my ex partners would tell me that I was “damaged goods”, charming I know. Had I have known what I know now I quite possibly may have damaged his “goods” (Just jokes). The shame connected to this comment encompassed many facets. This is just a small snippet of a story but the shame stopped me from stepping up and stepping out of the toxic relationship.

I’m not about to get into the he said, she said story, rather what happens when shame exists. It is an emotion that is futile and keeps us stuck. So why did I allow this to happen? There was a part of me that did believe I was “damaged goods”.  I had already been married and felt that I had “failed” so there was shame associated. Culturally I had come from a place where “divorce” wasn’t something that just happened. So again I placed more shame upon myself. I somewhat accepted the comment of “damaged goods” because I somehow believed I was. This was not only because of my past but especially the label of mental illness that I had been carrying and the indoctrinated beliefs around these areas. My god what I story I had embellished myself in! The truth is no other person can make you feel that way unless there is a part of you that carries that emotion.

My self-worth at the point in my life was not something that I recognised. It was more comfortable to sit in shame than to actually acknowledge it. So instead these days I am able to shift the shame around. I am able to forgive myself for allowing myself to be treated less than what I deserved. I can take responsibility that in some way I created that situation. Shame is what we believe and perceive. It is an opportunity to grow and learn from our experiences rather than dwelling in what is no longer. The lessons of integrity, strength and courage far outweigh the heaviness and detriment of shames. Unveiling what truly matters is where the magic unfolds.

With a magic of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

22. Beautiful Unknown

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Today is the last day before I fly out back to Melbourne after having spent almost three weeks in Cambodia. To describe what this time has meant to me in words would do it no justice, instead an immense avalanche of feelings and the great desire to be of service in greater capacities.  To be in alignment with compassion and integrity for we are only here for such a short precious time. One of my most profound lessons is that when you are on purpose and in service nothing else really matters.

There are mouths to be fed, clean water to be sourced and the basic human right to live hygienically. Unfortunately this is not the always the case and the injustice prevalent. I could sit here and write about all the injustices that are served but this could possibly quire dramatic and a little boring to be honest. I would much rather be working towards the difference that we can create no matter where we are in our world.

There are so many times in life where we feel we need to have control of this or that. Whether it is in our personal relationships, work or how we structure our day to day. To be perfectly honest I find this totally boring. Make no mistake I have known what it is like to feel like you are losing control of everything that was once was. It’s scary and surges anxiety throughout your entire being. What is scarier is staying the same. Surrendering is such a gift to self and one that I continue to learn.  I have learnt that what scares me the most is generally what leads me to where I am meant to be. Fear is not real; it is ego based and only holds us back from infinite potential.

When we hold ourselves back from the life that we are meant to be living the only injustice is to ourselves, our growth and our life. What if there were no second chances? What if we truly felt that all we had was right now, that the past has no power and it has no relevance. What if we cut out all the drama and crap from our lives and used that energy towards precious humanity. What if we put our arms together to feed the hungry children? Or to make sure that humans are not dying from drinking poisonous water.  Imagine not having a shower or toilet or knowing if there is a next meal. Imagine not having the funds to take your child to the doctor let alone purchase medical supplies. Imagine this for just one moment.

This is what I witness each time I come to Cambodia, so much of it and so prevalent. I can’t live in my head about this and deal with atrocities of what it all means yet I can make a difference no matter where I am in the world. For when we are in alignment and connect to what is real is where the magic truly happens. The unknown is truly beautiful. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

18. The Journey

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The title of the affirmation today comes from a coffee shop that I am sitting in front of at the Gold Coast airport. I am waiting for a shuttle bus to pick me up so I can stay with my bff for a few days and I am so excited I may just wee myself! I usually take my affirmations with me when I go away but clearly I forgot. Instead of being regimented I decided to sit and write about whatever I was presented with and so here I am. There is something about packing a suitcase and heading to an airport that fills me with such excitement, so I suppose when I saw the words “The Journey” staring at me I took it as a sign to write some words.

Yes it is exciting getting on a plane and going to visit wonderful places or connecting with loved ones. What I truly love about travel are the experiences along the way that define and shape the journey for you as in life. I have had such beautiful connections on the way from Melbourne to Gold Coast in such a short time that it has whooshed me straight into my heart space. I make a conscious and deliberate action to be present and to be in the moment of what I am doing, unless I am reading or writing. Even as I wrote on the plane today the man seated next to me asked me what I was writing about and we spoke for a while. There was a lady who sat next to me for a short while and we somehow began speaking about Cambodia. In such a short amount of time I was speaking to complete strangers about two of my most passionate topics, suicide awareness and Cambodia.

So yes right now for me it is about getting on a plane and having a little adventure to Bryon Bay but it also allows me to reflect on so much more than that. It reminds me to be in the present moment and to be reminded about the magic and miracles that follow us each and every day.  We always seem to be waiting for this or that to make our lives just right but what if they were perfect just the way it was right now. What is it that we are actually waiting for? We only have right now and we have so much of our precious lives to live.

I am always learning for if I stopped I may as will be dead. I am not perfect far from it in fact but what I do know it that I am imperfectly perfect just the way I am. We have a moral responsibility as we live on earth and at the very minimum to be loyal and compassionate to one another. To be in service where we are sharing our unique gifts and lead an authentic life with integrity. It truly doesn’t matter where you have been but it does matter where you are going. For me right now I am looking forward to many moments of magic and miracles as they follow my days. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste

14. HOORAY

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When I read the statement for today my first reaction “F*N HOORAY” Hooray for what? I am particularly tired today. The last few weeks have been a curveball of emotions that have been thrown thick and fast. I have had no choice but to allow them roll and hit wherever they have fallen.  There have been a lot of endings and in particular the emotional downpour of two of my friends who have lost a parent. As spiritual as one may be we are also humans with raw emotions and feelings. As much as I am aware of this life being a place that we stop by to explore and that our souls are infinite, there is also sadness that needs to be acknowledged and truly felt.

I also happened to be at the hospital when my friend’s dad left this earth. It has left me with feelings that I haven’t been exposed to before and my head has been in a bit of a spin. I have felt like I have been floating a little and to be perfectly honest I must admit I like having my head in the clouds. So in perfect timing I had a weekend away planned and was in sync with needing to collaborate and ground to where I am at. I loved being away and embraced the dose of being close to a beach but being back I have fallen back down with a thump. My body is tired and I feel like I could sleep for a week.

So when I read the statement that read “Hooray” I was like really! As I sit back and reflect what I do know is that it is about honouring my feelings and emotions about the last few weeks. In the mix we also were required to reapply for our positions at work as our contract came to an end. I am back for another 12 months, so surrendering was paramount to not going stir crazy to a situation that I had absolutely no control over at that particular time. For me it is about acknowledging the fear of loss and knowing that in our lifetime it is something that we will succumb to in one way shape or form.

I know that for me each time I am presented with the lessons of loss and grief that I am in a different space with a different set of tools in my “box”. It doesn’t make me a master it simply makes me human and real. There are times where I feel totally out of control and fearful about what may or may not happen but I know that I do my best to embrace my shadows and learn what they can teach me. My grumpiness and loss of patience teaches me to stop and reflect on the importance on what I choose to spend my energy on. It may not always be the way that I would like to be and act but I can say “Hooray” for all of our feelings shadows and all. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

5. Let the beauty of what you love be what you do

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At the moment I am sitting at Gold Coast airport waiting for a bus to pick me up to see my soul sister. I am sure there is no coincidence that the time I have chosen to write this blog is the same day I am visiting an amazing soul is who is very near and dear to me. A soul that shines my light when I can’t see the path and who sings my song when I have forgotten the words. A love that I know is recognised and felt beyond this lifetime.

One of my most passionate times of my life is visiting and working in Cambodia. I met Emma almost three years ago after a 7 year relationship ended. I was lost, confused, shattered and really didn’t know where I was heading or what I was doing. It was day by day. We began to email as I started to make queries about a Head Heart and Hand Holiday that she was facilitating. Making the decision to go was the one of the greatest leaps I made and far out I am eternally grateful. Over 2 years later and I have travelled to Cambodia 4 times. I now co-facilitate the holidays with her and am part of the Head Heart and Hand Holiday family. We bring over groups of individuals who have a desire to be of service, follow their passion and truly connect with their heart space and what they love to do. To write what Cambodia means to be in one word would be magic.

The beauty of doing what you love for me is to be of service, especially in Cambodia. Sure I can jump on a plane a few times a year and work on local projects, build wash stations, playgrounds etc. That is the easy part! It is being of service and doing what I love each and every other day which is what matters most.  Having travelled and worked in Cambodia for the last few years has been one of the most inspiring aspects of my life. There is always more to learn, more to give and so much more to receive.

We can sometimes get caught up in grandiose plans, goals and ambitions. We forget to be still, quieten our minds and listen to our hearts. We get caught up in our minds and ego and life starts to defy us and we wonder why. Things don’t go the way we anticipate, we get caught up in drama and stories. We become distracted from who we really are and what we love.

So use this as a reminder to you, to your heart, your soul, your higher self. Are you doing what you love? Are you being the difference that you want to see in the world each and every day? Are you living with a grateful heart? These prods and pokes are not judgements rather a time of reflection and nurturing. We all swing off course from time to time; it is part of the learning. A time to dig deep, identify our shadows and embrace the wilder beast. I know mine has emerged a little of late and that is cool just for now.

For now I will be in the moment enjoy my soy latte and appreciate the treasures of goodness that surround me now (thanks universe for the eye candy) Be in gratitude for the freedom that I am so fortunate to have me and thank source for the timely reminder from Rumi. Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo