I know that there is certainly no mistake or coincidence that the burst of energy I have just received to write, is because it is the exact conversation I was having earlier with a friend. It is the reminder that I needed to hear, the lesson my soul yearned to feel and to celebrate the imperfect glorious mess that I am.
We are often our own worst enemy and as clichés as that may sound it is so true. Why is it that we feel we are only loveable when we are happy and satisfied with the way life is working out for us? Why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves when we are going through the slippery slide of mess, dishevelment and the crazy that is going on in our head?
There are potentially a million reasons why we choose to not love ourselves! It is our childhood, the person that broke our heart, blah blah blah the list can go and on. Sure these can certainly be contributing factors to our self-esteem and worth. Ultimately if we truly had this love for ourselves it wouldn’t matter or we would not have ended up in that situation to begin with.
One of the reasons I believe is that we were never actually taught how to. I don’t recall any teacher standing up in the front of a classroom teaching us self-love and self-worth. Perhaps it is a lesson that is learnt through pain, heartbreak and grief. I am no guru and I don’t have any self-fulfilling prophecies for you. One thing I do know is that the lesson of self-love comes up for me time and time again. Just when I think I have got it, whoosh the universe presents me with a little dash of something and I feel I have been flung back like a rubber band about to be propelled to the dismalness of self-loathing.
So why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves and wait for the perfect scenario to do so. “Well when I have the perfect job, relationship, lover then I will truly be able to love myself” What a croc of crap! The void that we want another to fill is dangerous and when we seek external factors self-love is absent.
Love for self is honouring and worshipping the total glorious, shadow, weird and wacky self. To find the gifts of gratitude beneath from the depths of our murkiness is love. I spent so much of my 41 years appeasing to what I thought would make me more loveable. Now I know that embracing all of me can only attract more of the same in my life. Fortunately or unfortunately the lessons of loving self came at a cost, but it is up to me to choose to love that part as well right here and right now. So you may not have your “shit” together. Who cares? Love all of your right now because you are imperfectly perfect just the way you are. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.
With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.