17. We accept the love we think we deserve – Stephen Chbosky

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Love comes to us in various ways. For me the most important kind of love is the love and relationship that I have with myself. It hasn’t always been a great relationship but as time passes and lessons are learnt my love for self deepens to a different space and time.  I was listening to a pod cast the other day by Matt Kahn (awesome stuff by the way). He was talking about relationships, twin flames and soul mates. I was travelling back home from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on the train. I had just attended a Suicide Prevention Forum and was pondering life (as you do). It was a heavy day and one that left me feeling drained but somewhat hopeful about the difference that we all need to be making in the world. As I watched the world go his words reverberated. “At the first sign of abuse the soul contract is over”

His words jolted me out of what I was feeling and I realised how many times I had so easily accepted abuse in my life. When I speak of abuse it doesn’t necessarily mean the most obvious kinds. Abuse can come in many ways and sometimes it appears in the most subdued ways. I thought about the endless time especially in relationships when I allowed this to happen. Not the most pleasant of memories but ones that have allowed me to grow and learn. We can certainly go into drama and stories of who did what and where but I refuse to give any more of my precious air time. Instead I can reflect on the lesson of “we accept the love we think we deserve”. I am deserving of open communication, trust, loyalty, time and respect. So if that is not presented it is time for the soul contract to be over. The lesson is so clear. I can blame or I can simply know that the contract is over for my highest good.

Reflection is paramount to any given situation. I have learnt from experience to walk away and to understand what role that I had to play in any given situation. Personal responsibility is a lesson that I continue to learn. It doesn’t make what the other person did right or wrong, instead it shifts the power to enable growth and understanding. We only attract what we need to learn. So recently when I was dealt with a situation, I knew that there were aspects that I could only grow from. I could use the opportunity and allow myself growth from a place that I haven’t been before. This is where the magic truly happens.

Sometimes the lessons aren’t always obvious to begin and if we get stuck we can just go around and around in a vicious circle. Not sure about you but I have no interest in giving anyone my time and energy that is not worthy. I have learnt that hurt people, hurt people and we all have our own lives to lead. We learn at the perfect time for own evolvement and growth. It is only my responsibility to self that is important.  We accept the love we think we deserve. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

12. Being present to every moment of our lives is living in our spirituality. True spirituality is in the living of it, not the talking about it.

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I am not sure who wrote this quote. It is from a woman’s calendar that has been sitting on my desk. It is for women who “do too much”. The irony is that I glance it at from time to time but don’t absorb what is being written. Today I felt compelled to rip off the pages that had already occurred and of course there was a message that I connected to. In just over a short week I will be moving to Queensland and taking a leap of faith. I have packed up my home and am almost ready to go. Today at work I completed an official handover with clients that I have worked with and now I am tying up final loose ends.

I made a conscious decision to stay present and in the moment. Unfortunately or fortunately this hasn’t always been working for me. (insert lesson here) This morning I got myself into quite a tizz. I have expected that there would be some kind of emotional overload going on. After all I am Italian and can be quite dramatic at times. #justsaying#.  I am moving to a place where I have never lived before. Everything I know will be no longer and I am moving away from my family and friends, my support network and all I have known for such a long time. I am excited and so ready! However I have had moments of meltdown. I am not judging it rather I am just allowing that what needs to come up is being presented so it can be cleared.

This move for me has been based on what my heart feels and listening to the sounds of my soul. The sounds have resonated and the feelings have vibrated through every morsel of my being. The feeling of connectedness is one of freedom and truth.  I am being supported in every decision along the way. Life is about learning and perspective of what is presented to us. There have been challenges and that is perfectly OK. It is what I do with them that matters. I can choose to go into fear or I can rise about it and learn from what is being presented. If I am present in that exact moment, nothing else truly matters. My past is just that and has no power or energy unless I choose to give it ammunition. The choice is completely mine.  So a part of going with the flow is going with what is presented, good, bad or indifferent. We easily connect with feelings of joy. When we are presented with pain, anger or whatever we deem to be uncomfortable we try to shun it away. For me the most important lesson of this experience has been to stay present. Nothing else matters except right now. My past is a gift, simple, full stop, the end. The present is all we truly have and simply being in this moment. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxoox

8. What have I done today to help a younger person think for themselves?

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(The kids of Cambodia to whom I am forever grateful for the lessons of simplicity, gratitude & unconditional love)

Our little people of the world are such a precious and unique gift. Today I am celebrating a friend’s son 1st birthday and his blessing to the world. I am not a biological mum but I am surrounded and so very blessed to have so many children with whom I share my life with. One of my most valued roles is being a “zia”. I love the unconditional love that I am offered and the gifts that I am relished with.  Life takes turns and twists and I suppose on some level I had anticipated that I would be a mum. At the age of 42 I am not. There is acceptance that being a biological mum won’t happen in this lifetime. At times there has been a yearning to explore this area but it is not something that I choose to dwell on nor is it something that I spend my energy in regret or angst. It simply is. Instead I can focus my energy outward and be the best role model that I can possibly be, to create a world where little people become the shining light that they need to be.

We are born into this world being a blissful energy of purity. What happens along the way as we grow and learn is often the way that our lives are shaped. Life happens and we teach children what we know. There is no right or wrong and the lessons we are meant to impart we will. Children are our greatest teachers and the amount of learning that we can encapsulate from them is the essence on how we can strive to be better people. There are no masks or facades. They simply are just who they need to be and show up exactly as they are. This is the beauty. However what is important is the knowledge and wisdom that we impart. Are we teaching them fear? Are we teaching them to be the best versions of who they can possibly be? Are we keeping them small through our own belief patterns? I am not an expert nor am I a parent. What I do know and feel is that we owe it to our little people to teach them to make our world a different and better than the way we will leave it.

One of the greatest compliments that I received was a friend telling me the other day that her son wanted to catch up and talk about his upcoming school trip to Cambodia. He is excited to share his news and I can’t wait to hear about it. The smile and warmth that it generated was overwhelming and I was super stoked. He is a teenage boy and has a strong yearning to be a part of a building project and help those less fortunate than he is. This is life and our responsibility to make the world one that is safe and harmonious. Every action creates a reaction so let’s be mindful of the lessons we impart.  If this is the knowledge and courage that I can impart onto another then my heart is full. What have you done today to help a younger person think for themselves? Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xxx

5. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step.”

 

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(Dad & I)

I have been in Italy for the last week or so. Dad and I have travelled back to his motherland so he has the opportunity to see his family. When I saw the quote for today I thought about him at 72 years of age and making the decision to travel. I don’t really need an excuse to travel or explore so when the opportunity presented itself I was more than happy to go with him. It certainly hasn’t been a holiday where there has been lots of sightseeing of “things” but what I have encountered are lessons that will always remain.

From the moment we began our trip together I have loved watching my dad and all that he encounters along the way. It is funny that at some point in your life the roles of parenting reverse. This can be confronting but it can also be a time where the opportunity is one where growth is paramount. Dad hadn’t been inside an international airport for almost 30 years and he was in awe and captivated by what he saw. I admit there was some trepidation about travelling with my dad. At times we have a typical father\daughter relationship but for most of the time he is simply my dad. Watching him with fresh eyes and not just as my “dad” has been a lesson of empathy and compassion.

Dad was born and raised in a small town in Calabria. The main town in which we have spent our time has a population of almost 1,000 people. I am from Melbourne, Australia so one can imagine the contrast and extremities of difference. I have loved watching dad in his surroundings and being reunited with family and friends that he hasn’t seen for almost 30 years.  It is a feeling beyond words and one in which has allowed me to understand my dad in a way I have not known before.

For him especially making a small step and deciding to reunite with his siblings has meant so much more. His journey will always belong to him and whatever needs to take place for him will. For me this small step has allowed me to be in a space that I have not felt before. Usually consumed and challenged with time and a lengthy to do list, I have been forced to slow down and just be.

I have loved the serenity and mindfulness of being in each moment. The art of detachment in drama is one in which I am learning the most. After all Italian families and drama can inevitably go hand in hand. I am savouring in life lessons of what is important and what matters most. Being open and present is important especially when Italian is not my native language. The freedom of simplicity is bliss and one in which I value most. Sometimes the smallest times allows the greatest lessons to be learnt. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step”. Blessed be.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

3. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most.

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Life presents us with so much and it is entirely up to us in how we choose to deal with it. Sometimes the moments can be long and arduous and others may be short and fleeting. It can also depend entirely where we are at any particular time on how we choose to respond and react to the situation. There is a saying that I particularly love and it reads “people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime” Sometimes the reason hits us like a ton of bricks and throws us into a whirlwind that we did not anticipate. It can be beautiful and scary all at the same time.

I have been working on writing my book for almost a solid year now and I have finally finished. Fifteen years of an epic tale (even if I must say so myself) told in 36 chapters. When I set out to tell my story it was to create awareness about suicide and prevention. The lessons that is has taught me through the writing have been paramount and ones that I feel will always continue to teach me. The difference now is that the lessons have been learnt and the story is done. What transpires along the way is where the magic truly happens.

Life happens regardless of what bubble we are living in. I truly feel that our lives can throw us curveballs to monitor just how well we have learnt the lesson. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most. When we are present and in the moment, it is then that we can truly appreciate where we have been and what is yet to come. When we get stuck in where we have been and keep rehashing the story there is no growth that can occur and drama continues to play itself out.  It is heavy and the energy is dormant. I’m not sure about you but for me it is a pretty difficult way to live and there is no flow. Magic can’t come in and disconnection to self occurs.

Instead when we live with an open heart, remain in our integrity and are our true authentic selves, life flows and is at ease. It is easy to be dramatic and blame. Far out I have known this for so long and to be perfectly honest it is boring and dull. It doesn’t mean that the pain and hurt doesn’t not exist, rather it a choice to live without fear and ego. Ultimately what do we have to lose?

Don’t get me wrong some lessons have been tough and I can still wear my angry pants. What is different is that now I recognise my self-worth and understand that the most important relationship that I can have is the one that I have with myself. So no matter what happens in life and what is presented I can only learn lo love more deeply and my heart can never be broken it can only be more open.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxox

17. That we breathe, that we showed up on this planet, that we communicate is a miracle.

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I have been speaking to a friend in the last few days about life and what it all means. You know the kinds of conversations that you tend to have with a loved one where you are going to save the world. When I looked at the statement for today I breathed a sigh of relief because it fell into sync beautifully with what has been a theme especially in the last few days.

We are such a busy, time driven robotic society that sometimes we simply forget to show up. By this I mean we can be physically present in a place or time but what we fail to do is to be present. We can have a gazillion other things going on in our minds at exactly the same time. What we seem to dismiss time and time again is the miracles that surround us each and every moment. Stop for a moment and look around. Are you in your home? Are you on a phone? Are you surrounded by loved ones? Are you clothed? Are you warm? Are you having dinner tonight? Are you breathing? Well I truly hope you are breathing otherwise I am chuffed that you decided to tune in from the afterlife. In just a few moments are you able to feel and nourish the blessings of gratitude that surround you at this perfect time.  Is it perfectly imperfect?

I was speaking to a client today about depression and anxiety that was going on for them. We fight so hard to dismiss these feelings. It is not until they get us to a point in which we can no longer function that we tend to do something about it. As humans we try so naturally do anything but feel. We are not afraid to feel happy or blissful yet we navigate so harshly to deflect what we perceive as painful or too difficult to deal with. What is we just sat in our stuff and worked out why we got to that place in the first instance. We may not work it out straight away but allowing is far better than shovelling under the pile that has already existed for so long.

So rather than being so harsh and depreciating on ourselves for not having done this or that, how about we just take a moment to honour ourselves just as we are. To show up and to be real and authentic in whatever it is that we are doing. Whether it is walking the dog, buying milk, taking out the garbage, running a country or whatever it may be, just be you. Rather than dissembling ourselves into fragments that we no longer recognise perhaps it is time to stop, breather, and show up and communicate, for this is the true miracle of life. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

10. A mind at peace, a mind focused on not harming other, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.

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Funny or not that this affirmation is presented to me today. It has been a bit of a theme in the last couple of days. A dear friend actually reminded me yesterday about this very subject. As much as it may make an interesting read about who did what I am not really concerned in the drama of it.  What has come to fruition for me in the last few months has been a mixed bag of lessons that to say the least I haven’t enjoyed. To be perfectly honest I can’t wait to F&*k them right off! What I do know and am very much at peace with is that I also have the power to recreate any story that I choose.

So in true Mercury Retrograde style the area has been revisited and reviewed. I can’t help but have wanted sing a “in your face” song followed by a big fat “I told you so!” I did neither.  I just thank god for precious friends that remind me exactly how it is. The fact of the matter is that I am passionate about justice, truth, responsibility and equality. So when these areas of my life are personally affected there is a shadow that has wanted to lash out. Those close to me would have heard various profanities coming whilst wearing my angry pants and  I am sure I was a delight to be around.

What I love most about the beautiful souls I choose to share my life with is that they hold a space, but also give me the news pretty quickly. So when I read the affirmation about today I had a giggle and was reminded about the snippets of advice that have been gently offered throughout the course of the last few days. What was really profound was listening to the beloved Dr Wayne Dyer. I listen to him in the car especially when I am in traffic and rather than be frustrated, I choose it to be a time to listen to some words of wisdom. There is always something that I am meant to hear and yesterday was no exception. He quoted “when you seek revenge, you may as well dig two graves”.  It jolted me right out of my head and into my heart of forgiveness and compassion.

Whilst there is still some searching for peace, I can at least acknowledge that this is certainly the path that I strongly desire. It doesn’t make the actions of another justified or accepted it simply is acknowledging that you are not allowing them to take any more of your energy. Forgiveness for self is equally as important and is first and foremost. What I recognise are the lessons of boundaries that have been presented. So whilst this has been an area of my life that has required some much needed attention, the universe certainly delivered. So with grace and ease I give thanks. A mind at peace, a mind focused on not harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxoxo

9. What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Interior of living-room. 3d render.

A dandelion would have to be one of the prettiest weeds I know. I particularly love the analogy of the weed because just like the dandelion there are so many discoveries. We often look at weeds as something that we have to dig and get rid of. In life it is the same, without the weeds there are no discoveries. I particularly love the dandelion because for me it reminds me of fairies and all things magical, a chance to make a wish and start afresh.

For the last few months there have been quite a few weeds that I have been digging at and they have felt like crap. They have been murky, heavy and emotionally draining. I was yet to discover the virtues of the lessons presented. I don’t want to get into the story as that would simply be adding drama. We all might like a bit of drama at times but does that really ever get us anywhere? We may have self-satisfaction for a short time but it does nothing for our growth and soul. Sometimes it takes a while to process. I’ve been sitting in this story for a few months now and it’s far from being fun or conducive to anything. My creativity has been blocked in the process, life has not been in flow and there have been times of anxiousness and a rise in feeling overwhelmed.

The gifts of these “weeds” are the absolute beauty of finding the lessons that have allowed me to feel into what is actually going on. Sure it is easy to sit and feel sorry for myself and for a day or two that feels pretty cool. Combined with trashy TV and chocolate, it is a successful recipe for a downward spiral. Our light can become dim and we begin to wonder where the flicker has gone. The flicker never disappears it is always there, we may just have to dig a little deeper to switch it back on and discover a new awesome way to shine once again.

Having worked in Mental Health now for the last 6 months I tend to see so much of how easy it is to “not deal” with our stuff. It is easy to be consumed by the “story” and there are so many layers of self-discovery. What I do know is that I am no better than any other. We are all simply a mirror of what we are to learn. Possibly one of the hardest lessons to digest but one with so many treasures if we are willing to have the courage to feel vulnerable and exposed. There is a beautiful chant meditation that I did whilst in Cambodia that presented as “Humee Hum, Tumee Tum, Wahe Guru; I am Thine, in Mine, Myelf, Wahe Guru” – translating that we are own guru. [i]We are our own teacher and our infinite self knows all the answers.  Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

 

 

[i] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWdXplY87LA

7.Once you have learned how to enter your own kingdom, you have a special retreat within that is always available to you.

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Awareness and personal responsibility are high on my agenda. They have allowed me to grow in ways I did not even know were humanly possible. The freedom that you are able to experience through awareness and having a conscious understanding that you create your own story is by far the most self-fulfilling prophecy that I will ever learn. Men and relationships would have to be the greatest gifts in which I have been able to grow and surrender.  Let’s make no mistake it has been a f**&^N tough one to learn and one that I still learn and emerge from. Just when I think I have got it, BAM the universe shows me something else to learn. What is actually evolving is self-growth and honouring me enough to know my boundaries of unconditional love for myself.

The most precious relationship that you can have is the one you have with self. If you don’t love and support yourself then you truly cannot expect another person to do the same for. Lessons come in many ways shapes or forms and sometimes it is men that will teach you. (well for me it has been) I would love to go into a man hating rave right now but pffft who wants to waste any more energy that is required on what is no longer. I haven’t met “the one” yet.  I would not even know what it feels like to be truly adored and supported because I simply haven’t been able to do that for myself. From the first boy I ever dated at the age of 16 who had another girlfriend the whole time, to the disrespectful behaviour I have been witness to from men in my life is simply because I have allowed it to happen. The relationship that existed within my self was one that did not have boundaries, did not know how to support and did not love without conditions.

At the time it is not necessarily something that I am entirely conscious or aware of but when I delve into what it is for me the message and lesson transpires and it is really cool. What is different for me now is that I do have love for self, I have enough compassion and understanding that as much as it is easy to blame, I appreciate that it is a total waste of precious time. What I would rather be putting my energy into is learning, being of service to humanity and loving from a space that is pure and unconditional.

So when life throws you a curveball and one that came out of nowhere you have a choice to either feel it and learn from it or turn the other way. I don’t know about you but at the age of 41 I am over shoving stuff down, it makes you sick, literally! Cliché or not we are not here for a long time but far out I want to make it a fun and happy ride. I want to feel all of it and know that no matter what comes up for me I can create whatever I choose it to be. Once you have learned how to enter your kingdom, you have a special retreat that is always available to you. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

78. We are all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge and awareness we have.

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The affirmation for today is one that comes to me at the perfect time. It is a reminder to be patient, kind and compassionate. A lesson that we can easily let slip by at the best of times. I have done a lot of work on self and the most freedom is that of personal responsibility especially when “stuff” is presented. Don’t get me wrong I am not claiming to be an enlightened guru that knows better than the next person, in fact I am learning more every single day. Quite frankly I would rather be learning than to be stale and righteous. What I am aware of and accept as part of my role as being human is personal responsibility and knowing that each situation that is presented is an opportunity to learn.

The last few weeks have been filled with growth. They have not been fun to say the least. What I have found is that there are times and situations where I just wish that individuals would take personal responsibility for their own “crap and insecurities”.  When I am in “grumpy pants” mode my patience wears thin and I retreat into my head which in no fun at all. What my head is saying perhaps should not be translated to words that are actually delivered. Pretty sure it is better that way. As I continue to write I am stirred by the events. As much as I am willing to accept that we are all doing the best we can it also comes at a cost to humanity when people are simply mean and rude. It is not cool and my patience for those who don’t have awareness about personal responsibility really stirs my pot!

Now one could say that I am calling the kettle black and in some ways I certainly am. What I do know is that instead of blaming I am prepared to look within and facilitate for myself what my triggers are and where they have come from.  What I do know is the crap that I was receiving and feeling were still parts of me that needed to heal from my past. It showed up in the most unexpected way and I am grateful to the person that delivered the lesson but it still doesn’t make it OK to be disrespectful.

So for me the affirmation reminds me about a couple of things. It is a reminder that the only person that has responsibility for the way we feel is self. Ultimately when we are triggered by another it is an opportunity to heal and grow from that experience. It is a timely reminder to be patient to those who act in ways that are not in alignment with love for they are still finding ways to love themselves. For me it also means that I now love myself enough to not take it personally and to know that my purpose it to live with a compassionate heart and to be of service. We are all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge and awareness we have. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xxx