8. The gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown

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I spoke to my uncle a few days ago for his birthday. Uncles are such cool characters in our lives and they offer you a unique relationship. My uncle reminded me to be grateful for what we have, that time is precious and all we have is this moment. Sure it is what we know but how much of it do we truly practise each and every day? I know that there are certainly times in my life where I live in my head and I really don’t take the time or energy to really feel into the simplicity yet complex components of gratitude.

I know that it was the perfect reminder for me as I have so much to be grateful for. What I also know is that when I live from my head life becomes exhausting quickly. I have started my own business and now work as a sole trader providing support services. Having only started my business 5 months ago it is certainly something that I tend to think about a lot. Life changes all the time and we are always unearthing aspects of self. I am grateful that I have a box of tools to balance out the emotions and let me tell you there has been many. There seems to be a theme of life being hectic at the moment especially in the last few months. By hectic I don’t mean in a super fun, social fairy kind of way. Instead they have been emotional, heavy, stressful, and anxious with plenty of tears being shed.

Has it been fun? Probably not. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. I would rather be going through the emotions rather than pretending that they don’t exist. Life can throw you some really full on lessons at times. It doesn’t mean we have to accept them with positivity and a bag of fairy dust. Quite the contrary it has to be transmuted to where it needs to go before we can understand the impact of what it means for us in our lives. I am by no means suggesting that we have a pity party but let’s meet what comes up with some passion and full responsibility of what we have created.

When we remind ourselves that all we have is this very moment nothing else should matter and all the stories can disperse. Great in theory but when we are in the midst of our own drama it doesn’t seem to be that easy. Instead what I do know now is what I continue to learn. Who we were even 6 months is perhaps different to who we are today. It can be scary and exciting at the same time. What I know now more than ever is the lessons seem to appear thick and fast and what matters most is how easily we let go of what no longer is necessary. To immerse in what we need to for the time and to truly find the gifts that have presented. It doesn’t mean that it is all pretty instead what we can do is embrace the space that is. To my dear uncle thanks for the gift of your wisdom and to truly feel that time is so very precious, gratitude is everything and all we have is now. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

Xoxo

4. Choosing to wade through the mud is often what bears the greatest gifts

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I woke up thinking about my cousin Cathy this morning. She took her own life over 4 years ago. I think of her a lot, but more so in my times of shutdown or when I am feeling somewhat disconnected to myself. Her life continues to offer me hope and inspiration. You see I don’t really believe that Cathy wanted to die (she may have) we can never know for sure. But I truly feel she just wanted the pain to stop.  What saddens me the most about her death is that in the depths of her darkness she didn’t reach out. Did she even know how? I have come to a place of forgiveness about this for myself but it is also what pushes me to create an impact about suicide prevention and awareness.

Loss of connection to self can be debilitating and for a long time I didn’t even know what that meant. Now I do and I know the difference but it doesn’t mean that I am never sad, grumpy, angry or flat. In fact this can be quite the contrary. In the last few weeks I have felt angry and defeated and haven’t necessarily been able to pinpoint it to a particular event or situation. Sure there are some instances and situations that may have triggered that emotion but I also know that it has presented to have a little dance with.

I am very blessed that the people in my life love me for who I am so I don’t have to pretend to be happy if I am not. They usually know as soon as I say hello that something is up. When I was chatting to a friend the other day who had been feeling in a similar way we also acknowledged the gifts that come from the disconnection. We are meant to experience all spectrums of life. It doesn’t mean we have to walk around being a grumpy ass hole but it is also important to be kind to the grumpy asshole that made an appearance. As much as I love unicorns and rainbows sometimes I just want to throw glitter in people’s faces that have pushed my buttons! As much as that would give me a giggle I know that is mostly about bringing it back to me. What part have I played to create this? What do I need to learn or let go of?  Acknowledging and being in those moments is often part of the process for growth.

For now I know that action is important. Sometimes it is the simplest of moments that make a difference. Yesterday I watched a young toddler take pure delight in opening a lollipop and sucking it straight into his mouth. What joy! It is the connections that we weave that create the most magic. It is the conscious conversations and level of responsibility in all that we do that ultimately makes a difference.  When we can appreciate our differences and have a common respect and loyalty for all humanity then ultimately freedom transpires.  Choosing to wade through the mud is often what bears the greatest gifts. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xxx

11. And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom – Anais Nin.

Quote About Pay No Attention To What People Say. Pay Very Close

I woke this morning with a heavy head and feeling restless. One of the things I love most about where I live is that I can see the beach as soon as I walk out of my bedroom.  I walk across the road and the ocean is in front of me, it immediately soothes my soul. I’m not quite sure how I managed before. It all feels different now and for so many reasons. What I do know is that I can take a walk to the beach and instantly my being feels harmonious and at peace. Nothing else seems to matter at that point other than the roar of the waves and the sand between my toes. Sounds super corny I know, but it is how I feel.

As I watched the sun rise I felt the promise of a brand new day with no expectations other than to light up the sky and shine its magnificent light. I know when I do have a heavy head writing is something that allows me to empty my thoughts, to see again with fresh eyes and a new perspective. I have been doing a lot of reflecting and processing in the last few days. A lot of changes have taken place and for now I have finally stopped and have been able to embrace the new.

So as I sat this morning feeling restless I knew that writing would allow me to be present. I came across this quote and connected with what it felt like for me. Change is inevitable and it is what we create with it that makes a difference. The last 9 months I have moved to a different state, moved into shared accommodation, moved out on my own, found a job, left a job and about to start a new one. I have felt heart ache and opened up to new love. The emotions connected to it all have been somewhat overwhelming at times and the ocean my best friend. The outpour of what I have been able to explore in that time is a knowing that I can never go back to what was and nor do I want to.

Remaining in a tight bud doesn’t really work for me. I’m not really sure it is meant to work for anyone. Instead what I do know is the gift of risk far outweighs the pain of staying the same. It is not always an easy path. The stirring of emotions can at times avalanche into a mixture of pain, and growth ultimately leading to a new found path of peace. A feeling and place that allows you to feel the rhythm of your own soul and to hear the whispers clearly, for this is where self-love truly blossoms.  Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

8. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.”

 

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I watched Wonder with my roomie last night. It was the perfect weather to be home on a Saturday night to watch a movie. With Maltesers and Twisties in tow, we assumed our positions on the couch, watched and cried as the lessons unveiled and the story of a very special young boy was told. A true account of what one’s tribulations can offer the world in the most magical of ways. When life presents outside the “norm”, whatever that even means it seems to throw a lot of things into a flurry. For “Auggie” the main character of the movie the so called deformities on his face made his life hard and painful and equally beautiful.

As I watched I thought of my funny, open hearted sister. I winced at the amount of times she has been stared at or eyes have glazed upon her with someone trying to figure out “what is wrong with her”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. In fact she is one of the most amazing human beings that I will ever know. What she teaches the world that she lives in far outweighs any label of disability. People that know and love her undoubtedly feel that but for those that gaze and encounter her otherwise it can sometimes be cruel and unkind.

The quote that I am writing from today is one that was prevalent throughout the movie and one that I have heard a couple of times in the last few weeks. It is simple yet one that we seem to miss every now and again. I have certainly gotten better at deciphering between being right and kind but every now and then it seeps in. That is OK as long as I don’t live there and choose kindness. When it comes to my sister the protective wolf comes in and I am not quite sure that I have always chosen kindness, instead opting to be right. Up until last night I felt that it was my right to be her voice and I always will be. Choosing kindness and understanding far outweighs the ripple effect of being right.

Sometimes it is the smallest of encounters that make up the big stuff. It could be the person that cut you off in traffic, or the sales assistant that wasn’t helpful. Are you choosing kindness or being right?  Trust me there are many a time where I have chosen the latter and I am happy to own my stuff but upon reflection it is not conducive. We are human and we don’t have to beat ourselves up over things we think we should or shouldn’t be doing. Instead awareness and understanding is what ultimately leads us to a place of peace and freedom within ourselves. Life will always present us with stuff but ultimately it is what we choose that makes the difference. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.” Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xo

22. “Be the light that helps others”

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I am on my way to Melbourne for Christmas. I have been living on the Gold Coast for almost 6 months now so being at home with my family feels especially important. It is not to say that I haven’t appreciated every other year but distance has certainly given me another level of appreciation. I just watched one of our family movies. It is a compilation of pictures composed to some music. It is about 5 or so years old and so much has changed. What I am immensely grateful for especially is the connection that I have with my abundant family.

I can’t help but reflect on those that at Christmas feel terrible grief and loneliness. I feel my aunt and uncle who can’t spend Christmas with their daughter since she completed suicide. This will be another year, or perhaps the first for so many that find Christmas extremely difficult and sad.  I am not here to fix it or to say that I have a magic wand or an answer. What I do know is how important connection and family is especially during these times. The definition of family is different for everybody. It is what we are connected to that matters most. As I flick through old pictures and movies I am overwhelmed with the connection of my loved ones and find immense gratitude in all that I have.

I find Christmas to be such a double edged sword. I love the connection and prosperity but I don’t enjoy the amount of consumerism that we tend to indulge in. What is highlighted for many is the disconnection that can sometimes avalanche into a deep slump. This year especially I feel that there is so much more to do in this space. We can’t force people to connect but what we can do is live from our hearts where connection is truly felt. I know for me this year I have spent a lot of time in my head. It hasn’t been pleasant and is a guaranteed brain drain. The Gold Coast has certainly forced me to slow down and be in the moment. Living in another state from my family and friends, means that connection is more important than what it ever has been.

There is an opportunity to learn from everything in our lives.  Personally it is often the most painful of situations where the greatest learning arrives. Doesn’t make it any easier but instead finding the gift is the treasure amongst it. So for now I have no grandiose way to make anything better or different. I am however reminded that connection and community is what life truly is about. I work in the space of suicide prevention and the statistics are shattering. There is no magic wand but there is however a zero suicide strategy.  The fundamental principles of humanity is one in which we are all responsible for. It is often the simplest of acts that can be the most profound. You never know where the lessons will unveil.  As I thanked mu Uber driver for his mints, water, comfy car, cool conversation and music, he remarked “it doesn’t take much to be human” He is absolutely right!. Be the light that helps others. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo

17. We accept the love we think we deserve – Stephen Chbosky

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Love comes to us in various ways. For me the most important kind of love is the love and relationship that I have with myself. It hasn’t always been a great relationship but as time passes and lessons are learnt my love for self deepens to a different space and time.  I was listening to a pod cast the other day by Matt Kahn (awesome stuff by the way). He was talking about relationships, twin flames and soul mates. I was travelling back home from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on the train. I had just attended a Suicide Prevention Forum and was pondering life (as you do). It was a heavy day and one that left me feeling drained but somewhat hopeful about the difference that we all need to be making in the world. As I watched the world go his words reverberated. “At the first sign of abuse the soul contract is over”

His words jolted me out of what I was feeling and I realised how many times I had so easily accepted abuse in my life. When I speak of abuse it doesn’t necessarily mean the most obvious kinds. Abuse can come in many ways and sometimes it appears in the most subdued ways. I thought about the endless time especially in relationships when I allowed this to happen. Not the most pleasant of memories but ones that have allowed me to grow and learn. We can certainly go into drama and stories of who did what and where but I refuse to give any more of my precious air time. Instead I can reflect on the lesson of “we accept the love we think we deserve”. I am deserving of open communication, trust, loyalty, time and respect. So if that is not presented it is time for the soul contract to be over. The lesson is so clear. I can blame or I can simply know that the contract is over for my highest good.

Reflection is paramount to any given situation. I have learnt from experience to walk away and to understand what role that I had to play in any given situation. Personal responsibility is a lesson that I continue to learn. It doesn’t make what the other person did right or wrong, instead it shifts the power to enable growth and understanding. We only attract what we need to learn. So recently when I was dealt with a situation, I knew that there were aspects that I could only grow from. I could use the opportunity and allow myself growth from a place that I haven’t been before. This is where the magic truly happens.

Sometimes the lessons aren’t always obvious to begin and if we get stuck we can just go around and around in a vicious circle. Not sure about you but I have no interest in giving anyone my time and energy that is not worthy. I have learnt that hurt people, hurt people and we all have our own lives to lead. We learn at the perfect time for own evolvement and growth. It is only my responsibility to self that is important.  We accept the love we think we deserve. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

12. Being present to every moment of our lives is living in our spirituality. True spirituality is in the living of it, not the talking about it.

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I am not sure who wrote this quote. It is from a woman’s calendar that has been sitting on my desk. It is for women who “do too much”. The irony is that I glance it at from time to time but don’t absorb what is being written. Today I felt compelled to rip off the pages that had already occurred and of course there was a message that I connected to. In just over a short week I will be moving to Queensland and taking a leap of faith. I have packed up my home and am almost ready to go. Today at work I completed an official handover with clients that I have worked with and now I am tying up final loose ends.

I made a conscious decision to stay present and in the moment. Unfortunately or fortunately this hasn’t always been working for me. (insert lesson here) This morning I got myself into quite a tizz. I have expected that there would be some kind of emotional overload going on. After all I am Italian and can be quite dramatic at times. #justsaying#.  I am moving to a place where I have never lived before. Everything I know will be no longer and I am moving away from my family and friends, my support network and all I have known for such a long time. I am excited and so ready! However I have had moments of meltdown. I am not judging it rather I am just allowing that what needs to come up is being presented so it can be cleared.

This move for me has been based on what my heart feels and listening to the sounds of my soul. The sounds have resonated and the feelings have vibrated through every morsel of my being. The feeling of connectedness is one of freedom and truth.  I am being supported in every decision along the way. Life is about learning and perspective of what is presented to us. There have been challenges and that is perfectly OK. It is what I do with them that matters. I can choose to go into fear or I can rise about it and learn from what is being presented. If I am present in that exact moment, nothing else truly matters. My past is just that and has no power or energy unless I choose to give it ammunition. The choice is completely mine.  So a part of going with the flow is going with what is presented, good, bad or indifferent. We easily connect with feelings of joy. When we are presented with pain, anger or whatever we deem to be uncomfortable we try to shun it away. For me the most important lesson of this experience has been to stay present. Nothing else matters except right now. My past is a gift, simple, full stop, the end. The present is all we truly have and simply being in this moment. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxoox

8. What have I done today to help a younger person think for themselves?

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(The kids of Cambodia to whom I am forever grateful for the lessons of simplicity, gratitude & unconditional love)

Our little people of the world are such a precious and unique gift. Today I am celebrating a friend’s son 1st birthday and his blessing to the world. I am not a biological mum but I am surrounded and so very blessed to have so many children with whom I share my life with. One of my most valued roles is being a “zia”. I love the unconditional love that I am offered and the gifts that I am relished with.  Life takes turns and twists and I suppose on some level I had anticipated that I would be a mum. At the age of 42 I am not. There is acceptance that being a biological mum won’t happen in this lifetime. At times there has been a yearning to explore this area but it is not something that I choose to dwell on nor is it something that I spend my energy in regret or angst. It simply is. Instead I can focus my energy outward and be the best role model that I can possibly be, to create a world where little people become the shining light that they need to be.

We are born into this world being a blissful energy of purity. What happens along the way as we grow and learn is often the way that our lives are shaped. Life happens and we teach children what we know. There is no right or wrong and the lessons we are meant to impart we will. Children are our greatest teachers and the amount of learning that we can encapsulate from them is the essence on how we can strive to be better people. There are no masks or facades. They simply are just who they need to be and show up exactly as they are. This is the beauty. However what is important is the knowledge and wisdom that we impart. Are we teaching them fear? Are we teaching them to be the best versions of who they can possibly be? Are we keeping them small through our own belief patterns? I am not an expert nor am I a parent. What I do know and feel is that we owe it to our little people to teach them to make our world a different and better than the way we will leave it.

One of the greatest compliments that I received was a friend telling me the other day that her son wanted to catch up and talk about his upcoming school trip to Cambodia. He is excited to share his news and I can’t wait to hear about it. The smile and warmth that it generated was overwhelming and I was super stoked. He is a teenage boy and has a strong yearning to be a part of a building project and help those less fortunate than he is. This is life and our responsibility to make the world one that is safe and harmonious. Every action creates a reaction so let’s be mindful of the lessons we impart.  If this is the knowledge and courage that I can impart onto another then my heart is full. What have you done today to help a younger person think for themselves? Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xxx

5. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step.”

 

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(Dad & I)

I have been in Italy for the last week or so. Dad and I have travelled back to his motherland so he has the opportunity to see his family. When I saw the quote for today I thought about him at 72 years of age and making the decision to travel. I don’t really need an excuse to travel or explore so when the opportunity presented itself I was more than happy to go with him. It certainly hasn’t been a holiday where there has been lots of sightseeing of “things” but what I have encountered are lessons that will always remain.

From the moment we began our trip together I have loved watching my dad and all that he encounters along the way. It is funny that at some point in your life the roles of parenting reverse. This can be confronting but it can also be a time where the opportunity is one where growth is paramount. Dad hadn’t been inside an international airport for almost 30 years and he was in awe and captivated by what he saw. I admit there was some trepidation about travelling with my dad. At times we have a typical father\daughter relationship but for most of the time he is simply my dad. Watching him with fresh eyes and not just as my “dad” has been a lesson of empathy and compassion.

Dad was born and raised in a small town in Calabria. The main town in which we have spent our time has a population of almost 1,000 people. I am from Melbourne, Australia so one can imagine the contrast and extremities of difference. I have loved watching dad in his surroundings and being reunited with family and friends that he hasn’t seen for almost 30 years.  It is a feeling beyond words and one in which has allowed me to understand my dad in a way I have not known before.

For him especially making a small step and deciding to reunite with his siblings has meant so much more. His journey will always belong to him and whatever needs to take place for him will. For me this small step has allowed me to be in a space that I have not felt before. Usually consumed and challenged with time and a lengthy to do list, I have been forced to slow down and just be.

I have loved the serenity and mindfulness of being in each moment. The art of detachment in drama is one in which I am learning the most. After all Italian families and drama can inevitably go hand in hand. I am savouring in life lessons of what is important and what matters most. Being open and present is important especially when Italian is not my native language. The freedom of simplicity is bliss and one in which I value most. Sometimes the smallest times allows the greatest lessons to be learnt. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step”. Blessed be.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

3. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most.

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Life presents us with so much and it is entirely up to us in how we choose to deal with it. Sometimes the moments can be long and arduous and others may be short and fleeting. It can also depend entirely where we are at any particular time on how we choose to respond and react to the situation. There is a saying that I particularly love and it reads “people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime” Sometimes the reason hits us like a ton of bricks and throws us into a whirlwind that we did not anticipate. It can be beautiful and scary all at the same time.

I have been working on writing my book for almost a solid year now and I have finally finished. Fifteen years of an epic tale (even if I must say so myself) told in 36 chapters. When I set out to tell my story it was to create awareness about suicide and prevention. The lessons that is has taught me through the writing have been paramount and ones that I feel will always continue to teach me. The difference now is that the lessons have been learnt and the story is done. What transpires along the way is where the magic truly happens.

Life happens regardless of what bubble we are living in. I truly feel that our lives can throw us curveballs to monitor just how well we have learnt the lesson. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most. When we are present and in the moment, it is then that we can truly appreciate where we have been and what is yet to come. When we get stuck in where we have been and keep rehashing the story there is no growth that can occur and drama continues to play itself out.  It is heavy and the energy is dormant. I’m not sure about you but for me it is a pretty difficult way to live and there is no flow. Magic can’t come in and disconnection to self occurs.

Instead when we live with an open heart, remain in our integrity and are our true authentic selves, life flows and is at ease. It is easy to be dramatic and blame. Far out I have known this for so long and to be perfectly honest it is boring and dull. It doesn’t mean that the pain and hurt doesn’t not exist, rather it a choice to live without fear and ego. Ultimately what do we have to lose?

Don’t get me wrong some lessons have been tough and I can still wear my angry pants. What is different is that now I recognise my self-worth and understand that the most important relationship that I can have is the one that I have with myself. So no matter what happens in life and what is presented I can only learn lo love more deeply and my heart can never be broken it can only be more open.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxox