11. And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom – Anais Nin.

Quote About Pay No Attention To What People Say. Pay Very Close

I woke this morning with a heavy head and feeling restless. One of the things I love most about where I live is that I can see the beach as soon as I walk out of my bedroom.  I walk across the road and the ocean is in front of me, it immediately soothes my soul. I’m not quite sure how I managed before. It all feels different now and for so many reasons. What I do know is that I can take a walk to the beach and instantly my being feels harmonious and at peace. Nothing else seems to matter at that point other than the roar of the waves and the sand between my toes. Sounds super corny I know, but it is how I feel.

As I watched the sun rise I felt the promise of a brand new day with no expectations other than to light up the sky and shine its magnificent light. I know when I do have a heavy head writing is something that allows me to empty my thoughts, to see again with fresh eyes and a new perspective. I have been doing a lot of reflecting and processing in the last few days. A lot of changes have taken place and for now I have finally stopped and have been able to embrace the new.

So as I sat this morning feeling restless I knew that writing would allow me to be present. I came across this quote and connected with what it felt like for me. Change is inevitable and it is what we create with it that makes a difference. The last 9 months I have moved to a different state, moved into shared accommodation, moved out on my own, found a job, left a job and about to start a new one. I have felt heart ache and opened up to new love. The emotions connected to it all have been somewhat overwhelming at times and the ocean my best friend. The outpour of what I have been able to explore in that time is a knowing that I can never go back to what was and nor do I want to.

Remaining in a tight bud doesn’t really work for me. I’m not really sure it is meant to work for anyone. Instead what I do know is the gift of risk far outweighs the pain of staying the same. It is not always an easy path. The stirring of emotions can at times avalanche into a mixture of pain, and growth ultimately leading to a new found path of peace. A feeling and place that allows you to feel the rhythm of your own soul and to hear the whispers clearly, for this is where self-love truly blossoms.  Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

10. You are only free when you realise you belong no place- you belong every place-no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great – Maya Angelou

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I have come across this statement by Maya Angelou quite a few times as I have been reading the book, Braving the Wilderness by Brene` Brown. It is still a passage of writing that leaves me pondering with much to explore. The feeling of belonging for me is exactly where I am, even though I am living in another state away from my family andall that I have ever known. However I have connected with a network of people and places and meeting some super special people along the way. Most importantly I have come back to me.

So for now this is where I belong. I have just moved into my own place on the Gold Coast and my life and home is here now. Don’t get me wrong the last 8 months has been a trial of tribulations. It has been a plethora of experiences that have allowed me to find a new level of freedom that I haven’t experienced before.  At times life hasn’t been entirely pleasant, however I don’t regret any of these experiences because without them I wouldn’t be where I am right now. For now as I write my blog I can see the ocean and the feeling of belonging completely to me overwhelms my being.

It doesn’t mean that I have stopped learning or that the lessons will no longer present. Instead it is about succumbing to the moment, to what is presented, to take the risk, the leap of faith and to simply live love. We are ever changing. This is the true beautiful, inspiring and authentic dishevelled yet beautiful mess that we are here to be.

So when I reflect on the statement about belonging to every place but no place at all, it is starting to make sense. When I first read it I know that It felt to different to the way that it feels right now, I can only guess that in 6 or 12 months’ time that it may feel different again. For now it means that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be and the reward is great. I live across the road to the ocean and for this is the truest sense of belonging. I wake to the roar of the waves and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this is what home and belonging truly feels for me.

This is not a lesson that I set out to discover instead it is one in which I continue to unravel and is ever-changing. It is a collective of experiences that lead us to a place of belonging, not only to where we are but ultimately coming home to ourselves. For when we are home within ourselves the epitome of freedom is delivered. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

 

9. When I speak up it is a win win for everyone involved. – Emily Gower

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A few months ago I had a mentoring session with an author. It was about my writing and the direction that I would like to go with that aspect of my life. It was a great session and prompted me in areas of my life that I hadn’t visited before. When you invest the time, energy and effort into the relationship that you have with yourself then it is only a natural reaction that life tends to flow with some grace and ease. Well for me it does anyway.

One of the things that did come up for me was speaking up. Funny huh! For those that know me relatively well I would daresay that they would consider me not having an issue in this area. I was only speaking to someone recently about not yelling or arguing anymore. It felt like such a foreign concept and one that my body did not respond to well. Look let’s make no mistake, I certainly haven’t been an angel in the past and yelling and pointless arguing was something that I once participated in.

Life inevitably happens. You learn lessons and understand that drama is futile. I would much prefer a conscious, courageous conversation. In saying that I am also Italian and totally own the dramatic hand gestures and arm throwing that I have been told I indulge in at times. Ok so I own all parts of me, imperfectly perfect I like to call it.

So somehow along the lines of life I had managed to create a belief pattern that when I speak my truth people leave. I hadn’t just plucked this out of nowhere; it was indeed what had happened in some past relationships\friendships. Now let’s not go down the rabbit hole of where all this came from, for that is way too dramatic. Just kidding! It is probably best to understand this pattern.

I know that as a young woman, culturally it was certainly never encouraged to speak out. It was something that wasn’t looked upon favorably and in fact “answering back” usually came with consequences. Not sure that this quite worked for dad because as a family of 6 girls we can all be pretty opinionated and outspoken. That is not to say that any of it is right or wrong but understanding where our “stuff” comes from then allows us to create a new path.

So when I identified with my mentor that this was an area that had come up from me in the past we created a new belief pattern. What this allowed me to know and truly feel that the people that are meant to be in my life will. For those that are not able to sit with me in my truth then perhaps they are not meant to. It is not about judging or finger pointing. It is about recognising and not blaming others for what resides within us. This is the true essence of freedom. For if we are not living from a place of integrity in all of our actions we are not showing up to shine our light and live love. When I speak up it is a win win for everyone involved. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xo

8. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.”

 

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I watched Wonder with my roomie last night. It was the perfect weather to be home on a Saturday night to watch a movie. With Maltesers and Twisties in tow, we assumed our positions on the couch, watched and cried as the lessons unveiled and the story of a very special young boy was told. A true account of what one’s tribulations can offer the world in the most magical of ways. When life presents outside the “norm”, whatever that even means it seems to throw a lot of things into a flurry. For “Auggie” the main character of the movie the so called deformities on his face made his life hard and painful and equally beautiful.

As I watched I thought of my funny, open hearted sister. I winced at the amount of times she has been stared at or eyes have glazed upon her with someone trying to figure out “what is wrong with her”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. In fact she is one of the most amazing human beings that I will ever know. What she teaches the world that she lives in far outweighs any label of disability. People that know and love her undoubtedly feel that but for those that gaze and encounter her otherwise it can sometimes be cruel and unkind.

The quote that I am writing from today is one that was prevalent throughout the movie and one that I have heard a couple of times in the last few weeks. It is simple yet one that we seem to miss every now and again. I have certainly gotten better at deciphering between being right and kind but every now and then it seeps in. That is OK as long as I don’t live there and choose kindness. When it comes to my sister the protective wolf comes in and I am not quite sure that I have always chosen kindness, instead opting to be right. Up until last night I felt that it was my right to be her voice and I always will be. Choosing kindness and understanding far outweighs the ripple effect of being right.

Sometimes it is the smallest of encounters that make up the big stuff. It could be the person that cut you off in traffic, or the sales assistant that wasn’t helpful. Are you choosing kindness or being right?  Trust me there are many a time where I have chosen the latter and I am happy to own my stuff but upon reflection it is not conducive. We are human and we don’t have to beat ourselves up over things we think we should or shouldn’t be doing. Instead awareness and understanding is what ultimately leads us to a place of peace and freedom within ourselves. Life will always present us with stuff but ultimately it is what we choose that makes the difference. “When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.” Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xo

7. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got – Henry Ford

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This would have to be one of my favourite quotes and one that I tend to reflect on. It kept ringing through my head and I knew that it was time to write. I have been writing a blog for quite some time. It has generally been about writing with a compassionate heart even on the days when I don’t want to. I had a conversation with a special someone who somewhat challenged me about my blogs. To be perfectly honest when I first received the information I felt super defensive and wasn’t quite sure what to do with the information that I received. I suppose I sort of brushed it aside.

 

When the conversation took place again I was able to feel it with a different energy. I know that the information that was being given to me was coming from a loving space and energy. It wasn’t from a place of ego but only to allow me to reflect in a place that I haven’t been before and for this I can be totally grateful. What I have been able to reflect on and feel is that I generally use my writing to get me out a dark space and to shed light. Ultimately I can find compassion and grace in what is going on for me at the time. It has served its purpose and my writing has been able to heal. I know that no matter what my writing is a tool that I will always use. It allows me to express and find avenues that I may not otherwise. But if I am always looking to turn a negative into a positive am I also manifesting material to write for my blog? Am I on some subconscious level creating an avenue to look for “negative” things to write about?

 

So when I heard the conversation for a second time I knew that it was also a sign for me to listen and feel. To feel what it was like to open up and receive information that was coming from a place of integrity. To know that it was only being delivered from a genuine place of kindness and loyalty. It is not to say that I will never write form this space again as life happens and these are the gifts that we receive. However what I do know is that I am no longer interested in only writing blogs when I need to turn a negative experience around. I know that life does happen but how about I manifest more of the good stuff and truly feel that magic does happen. After all it takes a special someone to break down those walls. Thank you for allowing me to find a different way.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

 

 

 

 

5. The weaving of connection is what allows our souls to soar– Sonia Muraca

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A few weeks ago I received a message from a friend’s sister whom I have never met and lives on the other side of the world in Greece. She resonated with what I had written about and we shared and exchanged parts of our life that we may not have otherwise. There is no particular rhyme or reason as to why I write I just know that it is something that my soul yearns to do. I have had a really restless night sleep and am feeling a little disconnected to myself so I do what I know how and write. Writing always connects me back to my heart and gets me out of my monkey mind. The weaving of connection as humans it is one of the most important aspects of how we live our lives. Although I have never met my beautiful friend’s sister I feel very connected to her. We are able to share our moments of vulnerability and give each other the gift of strength and courage. Connections like these are rare and ones that I hold dear and near to my heart.

What is it about these connections that dig deep and are felt far and wide? Is it that our souls recognise each other and those we are here to teach and learn from? Or is it simply to love in a way that inspires and generates more love? I don’t do shallow and superficial well. I have been told many a time that my face and expressions indicate exactly where I am at. To be perfectly frank I am glad that this is the case because pretending doesn’t work well for me at all. I would much rather have connecting conversations with a complete stranger that leave you feeling full and inspired opposed to countless conversations about drama and toxicity.

Connection for me is what gives our life purpose. If we are not connecting to each other and most importantly ourselves then do we just exist? I am going to be 44 this year. Being in my 40’s has been the best part of my life so far. I have been able to connect to myself, nature and people in ways that I have not experienced before. It is the epitome of freedom and what my souls years for the most.  I don’t have the energy to do otherwise. When I am not in flow my energy and connection to self dissipates and I find myself in a lower vibration that does not align. I recognise that I am wearing my grumpy pants or those that love me tell me that I am. I tend not to look after myself as well as what I would like to and I can spend copious amounts of time binging on Netflix. It is not about judging any of these experiences; we can’t have one without the other. As long as we are able to recognise the differences of where we are at, then we can come to understand that we are here to experience and cherish the essence of what life is truly about. The weaving of connection is what allows our souls to soar. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

4. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime – Bette Davis.

Quote About Pay No Attention To What People Say. Pay Very Close

I have been reflecting on pain and what that means especially in the last few days. I have been pondering this morning and felt an urge to write when I came across this quote. “Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime”.  Perhaps I am still learning what love is. I know what it feels like to be loved by my family and closest friends but when it comes to relationships with men it is not something that I have always been able to reflect on with the fondest of memories. This isn’t a sob story on who did what because quite frankly that would bore the crap out of me. Instead it about acknowledging what was so I can move forward to what is.

We are so afraid of pain, being hurt, abandoned and don’t allow ourselves to be fully loved for who we are. We are frightened at the chance of our precious hearts being in anguish. I am not sure how much I resonate with the quote today, none the less it has allowed me to ponder what this means to me. This is my perspective and an area of my life that has had it great and not so great moments. Fortunately or unfortunately when it comes to love, men and relationships there has been more pain than not. Does this mean that I carry it for a lifetime or that it simply was and love is one the other side? For love is all there truly ever is. It isn’t about blaming rather acknowledging that I was also the creation of these stories. For me the most important relationship is the one that I have with myself. If I cannot love myself unconditionally then how can I expect this from someone else?

Unconditional love for self is something that I have learnt to give myself. I am happy being on my own. I have fought hard to be where I am today and it hasn’t been an easy or smooth ride. Would I change the pain? Not in a heartbeat. For when we hurt deeply we love even more. I was at a breakfast the other morning and the guest speaker spoke about her husband. The words reverberated through my body when she said, “I don’t need my husband, I want him” This was a turning point for me as I really felt what this meant. Have I been avoiding not being in pain opposed to rising and being in love?

I am certainly not professing to know the answers and all I can do is speak my truth. There is a saying that I particularly love. “We can’t write a new chapter unless we have turned the page” What if the new pages that we turned weren’t ones that were filled with trepidation and fear? What if the new story was one that we chose to live from a place of having an open heart and wanted to risk love more than pain? This isn’t just being in a romantic relationship but in all that we do. If we do not love from a loving place are we living at all? Blessed be and so it is so it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

3. Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. – Sonia Muraca

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A few years ago I met a beautiful woman at my local chemist. We connected and started chatting about life. I had been buying some bits and pieces for Cambodia and she had wanted to know more about the work that I was doing. I happily told her and she had asked if we could connect on Facebook. I often find that when I speak about Cambodia it is when I make the deepest of connections. Perhaps it is because I am completely in my heart space and it is simply felt between the exchanges of souls connecting. When I was in Melbourne a few weeks ago she helped me choose some medicinal items for my sore throat. We chatted briefly about our lives and we hugged before we left. Unknowingly this would be the last time that I saw her.

I found out yesterday that she has left this realm on earth. She was a young woman who died suddenly and I feel quite saddened by her passing. As I am sitting here and reading about her life I am reflecting what it is that I am feeling. I feel incredibly grateful that I connected with her. I feel the unconditional love and loyalty between humanity that we shared. When souls recognise one another there is feeling that brings you comfort and peace. I know that each time I saw her, this is how I felt. What it leaves me to ponder is how well do we love?  How do we make each moment matter and what are we doing with our one precious life? I know that I make a conscious decision to do the best that I know how, but this has left me pondering somewhat.

Her life is not my story to tell and not what this blog is about. For me this is about honouring what I am feeling and allowing whatever is meant to come up will. I didn’t speak, nor did I see her every day but when we did, we connected on a soul level. We go through life just talking and doing but there can be little or no real union between each other. We can go through life being automated and barely notice what is real and what is not.

It brings me to the realisation that there is so much to do in our universe that matters the most. That we should take more risks, love more courageously and live more fiercely. That doing what we love is what is most important and how we loved others just as significant. That connection with humanity is what I love the most because it is this feeling that truly remains.  Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. To you beautiful woman thank you for your beautiful heart and what you have taught me, may your wings soar you high.  Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

2. If you could change the world, what would it be? – Sonia Muraca

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It is funny or not how life manifests. We set an intention and we have no idea how it may or may not transpire. When our soul speaks to us we can only ignore it for so long. Our cousin chose to go home almost three years ago, still that feeling of anguish sits in my being, but it can’t always live there. As a family we turned our attention outwards and organised a fundraiser in her honour. It wasn’t so much about raising money but most importantly about awareness. The money that we did raise went into a community that our cousin was connected to. Our vision was that they would be able to connect to more people. I knew at that time that there was something more that had to be done about suicide.

Ultimately we can’t stop any being from doing what is their choice. Instead what I can do is recognise that a loss of connection to self, can lead to a very dark path. Dark doesn’t have to be good or bad. It is an opportunity to find visit the depths of our souls and discover our truth. Behind the pain there are lessons to be learnt and joy to be found, if this is what we allow. For so many the pain is too deep or hurts too much and that is not for me to judge or tell you otherwise. I have been great at burying and shoving stuff down but you know what it resurfaces and generally when we least expect it.

As the fundraiser progressed so did #connecttocreatechange#. I have had some ideas swirling around for months now and after having a chat with my mentor this week I know that there is a bigger picture. I work in the area of suicide prevention and awareness and my passion about people not taking their own lives is one that I feel I am meant to do. Almost every 3 hours in Australia a precious life is lost to suicide. A figure that I still can’t quite comprehend nor do I want to. This isn’t about saving lives rather it is about creating more conscious connections with ourselves and each other.

I began writing this blog a few days ago and wasn’t sure where it was going. As I sit and finish my blog a few days later I have had a moment of clarity. For the last four or so years I have written simply because I love to write, it is also a part of who I am. It allows me to connect to my heart space and unleash what is going on in my sometimes monkey mind. I would love and invite you to be a part of #connecttocreatechange#. It is time to show up, be vulnerable and ask for your input, ideas and thoughts on how you feel change can be created. Sometimes it is the simplest of gestures that can change someones life forever. If you could change the world, what would it be?  Never underestimate the strength and power of humanity, kindness and love. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxox

1. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage – Brene Brown

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Writing for me is a part of who I am. Without it I am not sure where my life would be right now. It takes me to a place where nothing else matters. The purpose of my blog is to write with a compassionate heart especially on the days that I don’t want to. Today is one of those days and I am reminded that these are the times that I need to dig deep and change my perspective of where my head space it at. My body is tired and all I want do is climb under my doona and sleep. I live in Queensland now and the weather doesn’t allow doona kind of days. I could potentially continue to lie on the couch and feel sorry for myself or I can write. Clearly this is what I have chosen.

To be vulnerable is not something that we are taught to do. We are often told that we need to be strong, that we need to have it all together or that we need to feel a certain way. That doesn’t really work for me. It is tiring and consuming to be someone who we are not. I would choose raw and real any day. To be vulnerable is one of the greatest gifts that we can possibly give ourselves and others. I really don’t believe we were meant to live our lives having to do it all on our own.

I was having a conversation with my roomies a few days ago and we were talking about our ideal relationship and what expectations we have not only on ourselves but on others. The conversation that took place is one that has left me pondering. We all want to be independent people and not have any expectations from others but does that in turn can leave us isolated and not emotionally available.

What if we took off the masks and just presented exactly as we were. To openly admit what it is that we are feeling without being afraid of being hurt or judged. For it to be perfectly ok to have days when we just can’t adult. We seem to forget that we can’t have one without the other. Where there is light there is darkness and on the days that it is too dark we can use the light of others to ignite what we need.

For me my needs right now are simple. A meal that is being cooked, for me to openly admit that I am not feeling the best I can be and to accept the love and warmth from those around me. Sometimes it isn’t that simple and showing up as we are can scary. But what if it wasn’t and what if our imperfections were actually perfect. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo