4. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime – Bette Davis.

Quote About Pay No Attention To What People Say. Pay Very Close

I have been reflecting on pain and what that means especially in the last few days. I have been pondering this morning and felt an urge to write when I came across this quote. “Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime”.  Perhaps I am still learning what love is. I know what it feels like to be loved by my family and closest friends but when it comes to relationships with men it is not something that I have always been able to reflect on with the fondest of memories. This isn’t a sob story on who did what because quite frankly that would bore the crap out of me. Instead it about acknowledging what was so I can move forward to what is.

We are so afraid of pain, being hurt, abandoned and don’t allow ourselves to be fully loved for who we are. We are frightened at the chance of our precious hearts being in anguish. I am not sure how much I resonate with the quote today, none the less it has allowed me to ponder what this means to me. This is my perspective and an area of my life that has had it great and not so great moments. Fortunately or unfortunately when it comes to love, men and relationships there has been more pain than not. Does this mean that I carry it for a lifetime or that it simply was and love is one the other side? For love is all there truly ever is. It isn’t about blaming rather acknowledging that I was also the creation of these stories. For me the most important relationship is the one that I have with myself. If I cannot love myself unconditionally then how can I expect this from someone else?

Unconditional love for self is something that I have learnt to give myself. I am happy being on my own. I have fought hard to be where I am today and it hasn’t been an easy or smooth ride. Would I change the pain? Not in a heartbeat. For when we hurt deeply we love even more. I was at a breakfast the other morning and the guest speaker spoke about her husband. The words reverberated through my body when she said, “I don’t need my husband, I want him” This was a turning point for me as I really felt what this meant. Have I been avoiding not being in pain opposed to rising and being in love?

I am certainly not professing to know the answers and all I can do is speak my truth. There is a saying that I particularly love. “We can’t write a new chapter unless we have turned the page” What if the new pages that we turned weren’t ones that were filled with trepidation and fear? What if the new story was one that we chose to live from a place of having an open heart and wanted to risk love more than pain? This isn’t just being in a romantic relationship but in all that we do. If we do not love from a loving place are we living at all? Blessed be and so it is so it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

3. Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. – Sonia Muraca

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A few years ago I met a beautiful woman at my local chemist. We connected and started chatting about life. I had been buying some bits and pieces for Cambodia and she had wanted to know more about the work that I was doing. I happily told her and she had asked if we could connect on Facebook. I often find that when I speak about Cambodia it is when I make the deepest of connections. Perhaps it is because I am completely in my heart space and it is simply felt between the exchanges of souls connecting. When I was in Melbourne a few weeks ago she helped me choose some medicinal items for my sore throat. We chatted briefly about our lives and we hugged before we left. Unknowingly this would be the last time that I saw her.

I found out yesterday that she has left this realm on earth. She was a young woman who died suddenly and I feel quite saddened by her passing. As I am sitting here and reading about her life I am reflecting what it is that I am feeling. I feel incredibly grateful that I connected with her. I feel the unconditional love and loyalty between humanity that we shared. When souls recognise one another there is feeling that brings you comfort and peace. I know that each time I saw her, this is how I felt. What it leaves me to ponder is how well do we love?  How do we make each moment matter and what are we doing with our one precious life? I know that I make a conscious decision to do the best that I know how, but this has left me pondering somewhat.

Her life is not my story to tell and not what this blog is about. For me this is about honouring what I am feeling and allowing whatever is meant to come up will. I didn’t speak, nor did I see her every day but when we did, we connected on a soul level. We go through life just talking and doing but there can be little or no real union between each other. We can go through life being automated and barely notice what is real and what is not.

It brings me to the realisation that there is so much to do in our universe that matters the most. That we should take more risks, love more courageously and live more fiercely. That doing what we love is what is most important and how we loved others just as significant. That connection with humanity is what I love the most because it is this feeling that truly remains.  Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. To you beautiful woman thank you for your beautiful heart and what you have taught me, may your wings soar you high.  Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

2. If you could change the world, what would it be? – Sonia Muraca

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It is funny or not how life manifests. We set an intention and we have no idea how it may or may not transpire. When our soul speaks to us we can only ignore it for so long. Our cousin chose to go home almost three years ago, still that feeling of anguish sits in my being, but it can’t always live there. As a family we turned our attention outwards and organised a fundraiser in her honour. It wasn’t so much about raising money but most importantly about awareness. The money that we did raise went into a community that our cousin was connected to. Our vision was that they would be able to connect to more people. I knew at that time that there was something more that had to be done about suicide.

Ultimately we can’t stop any being from doing what is their choice. Instead what I can do is recognise that a loss of connection to self, can lead to a very dark path. Dark doesn’t have to be good or bad. It is an opportunity to find visit the depths of our souls and discover our truth. Behind the pain there are lessons to be learnt and joy to be found, if this is what we allow. For so many the pain is too deep or hurts too much and that is not for me to judge or tell you otherwise. I have been great at burying and shoving stuff down but you know what it resurfaces and generally when we least expect it.

As the fundraiser progressed so did #connecttocreatechange#. I have had some ideas swirling around for months now and after having a chat with my mentor this week I know that there is a bigger picture. I work in the area of suicide prevention and awareness and my passion about people not taking their own lives is one that I feel I am meant to do. Almost every 3 hours in Australia a precious life is lost to suicide. A figure that I still can’t quite comprehend nor do I want to. This isn’t about saving lives rather it is about creating more conscious connections with ourselves and each other.

I began writing this blog a few days ago and wasn’t sure where it was going. As I sit and finish my blog a few days later I have had a moment of clarity. For the last four or so years I have written simply because I love to write, it is also a part of who I am. It allows me to connect to my heart space and unleash what is going on in my sometimes monkey mind. I would love and invite you to be a part of #connecttocreatechange#. It is time to show up, be vulnerable and ask for your input, ideas and thoughts on how you feel change can be created. Sometimes it is the simplest of gestures that can change someones life forever. If you could change the world, what would it be?  Never underestimate the strength and power of humanity, kindness and love. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxox

1. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage – Brene Brown

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Writing for me is a part of who I am. Without it I am not sure where my life would be right now. It takes me to a place where nothing else matters. The purpose of my blog is to write with a compassionate heart especially on the days that I don’t want to. Today is one of those days and I am reminded that these are the times that I need to dig deep and change my perspective of where my head space it at. My body is tired and all I want do is climb under my doona and sleep. I live in Queensland now and the weather doesn’t allow doona kind of days. I could potentially continue to lie on the couch and feel sorry for myself or I can write. Clearly this is what I have chosen.

To be vulnerable is not something that we are taught to do. We are often told that we need to be strong, that we need to have it all together or that we need to feel a certain way. That doesn’t really work for me. It is tiring and consuming to be someone who we are not. I would choose raw and real any day. To be vulnerable is one of the greatest gifts that we can possibly give ourselves and others. I really don’t believe we were meant to live our lives having to do it all on our own.

I was having a conversation with my roomies a few days ago and we were talking about our ideal relationship and what expectations we have not only on ourselves but on others. The conversation that took place is one that has left me pondering. We all want to be independent people and not have any expectations from others but does that in turn can leave us isolated and not emotionally available.

What if we took off the masks and just presented exactly as we were. To openly admit what it is that we are feeling without being afraid of being hurt or judged. For it to be perfectly ok to have days when we just can’t adult. We seem to forget that we can’t have one without the other. Where there is light there is darkness and on the days that it is too dark we can use the light of others to ignite what we need.

For me my needs right now are simple. A meal that is being cooked, for me to openly admit that I am not feeling the best I can be and to accept the love and warmth from those around me. Sometimes it isn’t that simple and showing up as we are can scary. But what if it wasn’t and what if our imperfections were actually perfect. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo

23. If you want to see the love of your life, look in the mirror.

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I came across this quote this morning and it struck a chord for a number of reasons. The most important relationship that one can have is with oneself and yet as humans we often put ourselves last. We tend not to look after ourselves well, we eat the wrong foods, and we indulge in things that do not make us feel good. We engage in conversations that leave us feeling drained and sometimes have relationships that are not in our alignment.  Sound ridiculous but time and time again it happens.

When I read the words, “love of your life” the first thing that came to my mind was about being in relationship. So clearly this is where I have been going wrong! The love of my life has to be me first and foremost and then the rest will just fall into place, so it seems. Sounds so simple, yet it would have to be one of the hardest life lessons that I am still learning. Life is a work in progress. Having been in two long term relationships in the last 20 odd years has certainly shown me that I have not put myself first. The past is just that and there is no point in dredging it up other than to learn from what we have experienced.

Having been single for the last 5 or so years you reckon I may have learnt something by now. This time has certainly given me the space and energy to work on the love of my life, which by the way I now have discovered is me.  I have certainly realised and understood the importance of self-love and take very active steps to nourish this relationship. What I also know is that this took me a very long time to understand. It was only because I hated so much of myself that I realised and understood how much of me there was to love. This evidently wasn’t something that I learnt overnight. It has been something that I continue to work on. I validated my love and worth through relationships and was measured by how much a man loved me. This by the way wasn’t a hell of a lot so you can imagine how high and established my self-worth was. By the way we teach people how to treat us, so my level of self-esteem was only mirrored by the relationships that I was in.

So in reflection I know that this is a reminder to keep my heart open. To live my life from my heart space and to remain connected to myself and others for this is living with a purpose. To truly feel and recognise that I am worthy and deserving of love. To honour and feel that my heart is open to receiving love gracefully and unconditionally. If you want to see the love of your life, look in the mirror. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE
Sonia

xoxoxo

22. “Be the light that helps others”

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I am on my way to Melbourne for Christmas. I have been living on the Gold Coast for almost 6 months now so being at home with my family feels especially important. It is not to say that I haven’t appreciated every other year but distance has certainly given me another level of appreciation. I just watched one of our family movies. It is a compilation of pictures composed to some music. It is about 5 or so years old and so much has changed. What I am immensely grateful for especially is the connection that I have with my abundant family.

I can’t help but reflect on those that at Christmas feel terrible grief and loneliness. I feel my aunt and uncle who can’t spend Christmas with their daughter since she completed suicide. This will be another year, or perhaps the first for so many that find Christmas extremely difficult and sad.  I am not here to fix it or to say that I have a magic wand or an answer. What I do know is how important connection and family is especially during these times. The definition of family is different for everybody. It is what we are connected to that matters most. As I flick through old pictures and movies I am overwhelmed with the connection of my loved ones and find immense gratitude in all that I have.

I find Christmas to be such a double edged sword. I love the connection and prosperity but I don’t enjoy the amount of consumerism that we tend to indulge in. What is highlighted for many is the disconnection that can sometimes avalanche into a deep slump. This year especially I feel that there is so much more to do in this space. We can’t force people to connect but what we can do is live from our hearts where connection is truly felt. I know for me this year I have spent a lot of time in my head. It hasn’t been pleasant and is a guaranteed brain drain. The Gold Coast has certainly forced me to slow down and be in the moment. Living in another state from my family and friends, means that connection is more important than what it ever has been.

There is an opportunity to learn from everything in our lives.  Personally it is often the most painful of situations where the greatest learning arrives. Doesn’t make it any easier but instead finding the gift is the treasure amongst it. So for now I have no grandiose way to make anything better or different. I am however reminded that connection and community is what life truly is about. I work in the space of suicide prevention and the statistics are shattering. There is no magic wand but there is however a zero suicide strategy.  The fundamental principles of humanity is one in which we are all responsible for. It is often the simplest of acts that can be the most profound. You never know where the lessons will unveil.  As I thanked mu Uber driver for his mints, water, comfy car, cool conversation and music, he remarked “it doesn’t take much to be human” He is absolutely right!. Be the light that helps others. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo

21 “Flow to where the soul knows” Sonia

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I was doing some reading at work today. There are days when I can read information and it simply filters in and out. Today I came across a statistic that has sat with me for most of the day. It read that 58% of people that complete suicide do not have a mental illness. Suicide awareness and prevention is an area of my life that I am passionate about personally and professionally. Some days it feels like there is so much to do on such a great scale. There was dialogue that took place and I must admit I felt defeated and tired by this national crisis that we are all facing. I got home and this statistic still stirred through my mind. These are the days when I find that writing is most important. If I walk around feeling defeated the energy that I carry will reflect this. I may as well quit.

What this statistic also tells me is that there are so many people that are suffering in silence. I have worked in the area of mental health for the last three or so years. I have also had a history of mental illness so this has been the area in which my attention has been directed. I was jolted to a different place today and really felt that there is so much more to do in this space. People complete their lives for so many reasons. The reasons are far and few between and I am by no means a health professional or expert in this field. However what I do know is that there is a lack of connection, resilience and hope when an individual feels that this is the only answer.

I don’t have the answers nor do I profess to know them. What I do know is that we all have a personal responsibility not only to ourselves but to each other. Self-love and worth is still an area that is overlooked. Instead we tend to focus on the “stuff” that in the end doesn’t matter. Basic community and humanity seems to get lost along the way. The statistics tell us that as a country this is a crisis, so clearly something isn’t working.

It saddens my heart to know that there are so many individuals that have felt that suicide is the answer. I know this feeling all too well and feel so passionate about making a difference and creating change. It all starts within us. It is in our everyday actions and the way we treat each other. It is our responsibility towards one another and where loyalty and respect is paramount. It is a knowing that every action has a reaction so it is our own choice on where we choose to direct this energy. No I physically can’t stop someone from suicide and it is not my job to save anyone. Instead what I can do is change the way I look at things. I especially love the quote which I have commented on so many times before. The late Dr Wayne Dwyer states “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” How are you choosing to see the world? Flow to where the soul knows. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle fo fiary dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoox

20. “Don’t let anybody walk through your mind with their dirty feet” – Ghandi

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I heard this quote twice yesterday. When I heard it for the second time I really stopped to listen and feel what it meant for me. Earlier that day I had been listening to some radio station. They were talking about forgiveness. I almost changed it but something stopped me. The announcer explained that when we hate someone every day it requires a lot of effort and energy. The act of forgiveness happens once and we are done. Sounds pretty simple and it was definitely something that I needed to be reminded of. I am no angel, far from it. I am a human having a spiritual experience. I don’t love all the time but for most of the time I have an open heart. My blog is about writing with a compassionate heart even on the days when I don’t want to. These are the times when I need it the most.

So after having heard the quote twice and having listened to the story about forgiveness I figured there was certainly something that I needed to look into. There is no surprise that someone from my past surfaced and had been only what they can be. Being compassionate also means that the other party is doing the best that they can and they are in their own process of healing. Look if you had of heard me at the time it was quite the contrary, but a day or two later and I have learnt to not let someone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

First and foremost we are human beings. I believe in order to evolve that we have to experience all the extremities of emotions, irrespective of whether they feed good or bad. Sometimes or not it helps to analyse the crap out of a misdoing and we simply do our head in. On a conscious level we are aware that the thoughts we are allowing to consume us are only generating a negative impact on our bodies and lives.

Our souls remind us that what we are going through is for the greater good or is redirecting us to a bigger and better place. However our minds and our bodies can tell us otherwise. We carry anger, distaste and attempt to rationalise the injustice that has occurred. Unfortunately or not our bodies can take a little more time to catch up to what we truly know. Respecting and honouring the process is paramount to our evolvement. I am all for love in fact I thrive in an atmosphere of love. It is all good and well to send love and light but sometimes let’s just own it and call it for what it is. I know that anger and resentment isn’t worth hanging onto to but I also know that I am human and feeling all of what life has to offer is part of my growth and aligning me to exactly where I am meant to be  “Don’t let anybody walk through your mind with their dirty feet”– Ghandi. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoo

“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit” – Bankay

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I was watching the Bachelorette the other night. Yes I know it is a highly intelligent and stimulating show. One of the guys on the show stated “I just want to be happy”. I was intrigued by what he had said and thought, does this mean you are not happy? Does it mean you are only happy once you are in a relationship?  How do you know what happy means and how is happiness defined?  If we don’t experience the extremity of sadness how do we know what happy feels like?

Today was my Nonna’s birthday. She passed over 6 years ago. I sat on the beach for a few hours today and remembered all of the beautiful lessons that I learnt from her. I felt her resilience, strength and courage in all that she endured. She had a tough life. My Nonno completed suicide and she was left to raise 9 children on her own. Her smile and laughter was far and few between. I felt happy in my sadness of missing her and wishing that I could hear her just one more time.  As I sat on the rocks and closed my eyes I could feel the whispers of her wings close by. I felt sad that she is no longer here but happy that there was so much to remember and smile about.  Can we be happy in our sadness? Why is it that we feel so uncomfortable with feelings that don’t elate us? I know for me that so much growth happens from pain. It is where I have the opportunity to dig deep and learn more about why I am here in this one precious life.

So when I came across this quote today I reflected it back to happiness and what that meant for me.  I don’t think we are always meant to be happy and why do we perceive sadness as negative? Maybe those times are just “rest” times in our lives. For me happiness is about being content in where I am no matter what is presented. It certainly doesn’t mean that I always have my shit together in fact far from it. It is not about one person being better or superior than another. We are all in different stages of our lives; this is what makes us imperfectly perfect. There is a process to healing and we all learn when we are meant to. I am not sure that we ever work it all out. I do feel that is a work in progress and personal responsibility for where we are at is the freedom of happiness.

I don’t want to wait for another human being to make me happy and quite frankly it is not fair to have that expectation of another. It doesn’t mean that others don’t bring happiness to our lives; in fact the core of connection is pivotal. What it does mean is not having an expectation that another person or situation can give us something that we cannot give ourselves. If we can’t find a sense of happiness within then we can’t expect it from another. The best relationship that we are ever going to have is the one we have with ourselves.  If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Blessed be. So it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

18. Home is not a place it is a feeling

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I have been living on the Gold Coast for just over three months.  It has been a plethora of emotions that I seem to untangle and construct on a sometimes daily basis. I love being so close to the ocean. Knowing that I can walk 5 minutes to be so close to the roaring waves brings so much joy to my heart. On the flip side I miss my family, friends and the familiarity that I know.  Some days are harder than others. Being away from all that I know has also forced to go deeper within myself and to feel truly at home no matter where I am. It has taught me to dig to depths that I haven’t visited before and grow to a different sense of self.

When I am being challenged in life I also take it as an opportunity to learn and understand what it means for me. It doesn’t mean that I have to analyse the crap out of it and do my own head in. instead I am able to feel what it is that is going on for me and allow myself to take responsibility for growth and understanding. Too often in life when we are presented with “stuff” that is painful or difficult to digest we shove it down or distract ourselves with whatever else. To feel pain is uncomfortable and we do anything possible to avoid it. We learn so much from a place of pain and for me it is where growth really happens if we allow it.

It is relatively easy for us to live in our heads, it is comfortable and it is safe up there, quite frankly it gives me a headache. Living from our hearts and being connected is love living. So when I connect to the place of feeling of home at times it is what I know. What I have come to understand is that feeling of home is living from your heart which may not always be easy to do. It can feel far more comfortable to lash out, blame and avoid. For me it is a daily practise and reminder of what life essentially is.  There will always be situations and interactions that we are presented with. It has the potential to take us away from living love if this is what we allow. Or we can choose to sit in our pain, hurt, grief or whatever uncomfortable feeling we are shown and grow from the experience.

So when I connect to home, I feel what it is like to be surrounded by my mad, crazy, loud and fun loving family. They are what I have known for the last 43 years, I miss them like crazy at times and yearn for the comfort that I know so well. The other side of that is remaining connected to who I am and feeling at home in my heart no matter where I am. Being pushed out of my comfort zone also take me to a place of discovery and this is where the magic truly happens. Home is not a place, it is a feeling. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo