8. What have I done today to help a younger person think for themselves?

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(The kids of Cambodia to whom I am forever grateful for the lessons of simplicity, gratitude & unconditional love)

Our little people of the world are such a precious and unique gift. Today I am celebrating a friend’s son 1st birthday and his blessing to the world. I am not a biological mum but I am surrounded and so very blessed to have so many children with whom I share my life with. One of my most valued roles is being a “zia”. I love the unconditional love that I am offered and the gifts that I am relished with.  Life takes turns and twists and I suppose on some level I had anticipated that I would be a mum. At the age of 42 I am not. There is acceptance that being a biological mum won’t happen in this lifetime. At times there has been a yearning to explore this area but it is not something that I choose to dwell on nor is it something that I spend my energy in regret or angst. It simply is. Instead I can focus my energy outward and be the best role model that I can possibly be, to create a world where little people become the shining light that they need to be.

We are born into this world being a blissful energy of purity. What happens along the way as we grow and learn is often the way that our lives are shaped. Life happens and we teach children what we know. There is no right or wrong and the lessons we are meant to impart we will. Children are our greatest teachers and the amount of learning that we can encapsulate from them is the essence on how we can strive to be better people. There are no masks or facades. They simply are just who they need to be and show up exactly as they are. This is the beauty. However what is important is the knowledge and wisdom that we impart. Are we teaching them fear? Are we teaching them to be the best versions of who they can possibly be? Are we keeping them small through our own belief patterns? I am not an expert nor am I a parent. What I do know and feel is that we owe it to our little people to teach them to make our world a different and better than the way we will leave it.

One of the greatest compliments that I received was a friend telling me the other day that her son wanted to catch up and talk about his upcoming school trip to Cambodia. He is excited to share his news and I can’t wait to hear about it. The smile and warmth that it generated was overwhelming and I was super stoked. He is a teenage boy and has a strong yearning to be a part of a building project and help those less fortunate than he is. This is life and our responsibility to make the world one that is safe and harmonious. Every action creates a reaction so let’s be mindful of the lessons we impart.  If this is the knowledge and courage that I can impart onto another then my heart is full. What have you done today to help a younger person think for themselves? Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xxx

7. “Let’s get lost.”

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A friend sent me this quote a few days ago and it has been on my mind since then. It got me thinking about another quote that I particularly love. “Not all who wander are lost” J. R. R. Tolkien. I have been back a few short weeks from a holiday of a lifetime with my dear dad in Italy. I have spent a whirlwind of 3 weeks connecting with my paternal family and was enveloped with an abundance of love and a treasure chest of goodness. I have landed smack bang to Melbourne’s looming winter and have not loved it. I can hear myself whinging about the cold and grey days and I don’t like it. I refuse to let the holidays “blues” settle in. So I ask myself now what?  What is it that I want to create from this one beautiful life that I have?

The largeness of life, the gift of generosity and the natural state of being in my heart seems to have dissipated somewhat.  It has been the same kind of feeling that emerges each time I return from working in Cambodia. For me Cambodia is a place where I feel totally in my heart and leading from a place of deliberate action, opposed to just being. I am not sure it is something that I can simply write in words rather it is a feeling and knowing that where you are is exactly where you are meant to be.

I attended a drumming mediation last night and it has confirmed for me very much the feeling of connection and following your heart home. It is not to say that I don’t ever feel at home in Melbourne but rather the feeling of connection and purpose in all that I do. My work climate along with the current reforms is something that I battle and I am not in flow. The inequality to those that live with mental health issues will serve a greater injustice and my energy is spent on frustration and fighting a neurotic battle that makes me feel disconnected. So when I reflect on being “lost” it is about finding a different way.  To know that there is a bigger purpose. To really and truly step into your purpose and follow your soul to where it is meant to be. In this space there are no questions, and there are no second thoughts. The mindless chatter is eradicated and the connection to self is one that the soul is able to recognise. The feeling of “home” represents being in your heart and that life is in flow.

So when I feel into “wandering” or being “lost” for me it is not about wandering around aimlessly, in fact it is quite the contrary. It is about the connection to self and others. It is about stepping up and being in alignment with what truly matters. There are no guarantees, there is no promise of tomorrow and all we have is right now. So for me it means staying in your heart and listening to the gentle whispers of your soul. For when we are truly connected magic does truly happen. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxo

6. Collect moments not things.

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I have just spent almost 3 weeks in Italy with my dad. The quote or saying “collect moments not things” has been one that has certainly played through my mind more than often. As the last day comes to a close the goodbyes are certainly difficult to endure.  I may have done my part in the area of Italian leather boots, but what I have loved the most are the moments that have captured my heart. I have loved meeting my cousins and I have so many!! My dad is one of 11 siblings so to say the least the number of family members overwhelms me.

I have loved meeting some cousins for the first time and others that I saw about 11 years ago. Most are in my age bracket and there is a connection with some beyond words. I have loved establishing relationships with my dad’s brothers and sisters as an adult and have felt an overwhelming sense of love and kinship that will be etched deeply within my heart. Speaking to cousins with an understanding that we have travelled similar experiences has created love that contains no boundaries of time and space. A depth of understanding that comes from a place that is shared and understood.

I initially had some reservations about travelling with dad. I wondered how we would get along and whether we would at all. After all we have a somewhat “typical” father daughter relationship and tend to bicker – just because we can. What I have loved is that I have learnt to understand him as man, an individual before he became my dad. I have understood his courage and resilience more than ever. His life was one that was led with scarcity. I have heard him say time and time again that life may have been tough but there was a unity that existed amongst the community that is no longer. So when I refer to collect moments and not things I can certainly take on the lessons that I have learnt on what has been an adventure and an avalanche of emotions. They have cascaded from a place that I did not know existed but they now take a special place in my heart in life.

To sum up the three weeks in a blog does not do it any justice. Instead what I can take away are the moments that have captured my heart. The goodbyes have been bittersweet. The extremities of the arrivals and departures are ones that are heart opening. I know that there is a love that didn’t exist before and a heartfelt pain that comes with distance and loss. I have captured moments and memories that are beyond anything that can ever be spoken and only felt. To collect moments with my dad on this trip to his motherland has been beyond what I could have ever imagined. Collect moments, not things. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

oxoxxo

5. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step.”

 

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(Dad & I)

I have been in Italy for the last week or so. Dad and I have travelled back to his motherland so he has the opportunity to see his family. When I saw the quote for today I thought about him at 72 years of age and making the decision to travel. I don’t really need an excuse to travel or explore so when the opportunity presented itself I was more than happy to go with him. It certainly hasn’t been a holiday where there has been lots of sightseeing of “things” but what I have encountered are lessons that will always remain.

From the moment we began our trip together I have loved watching my dad and all that he encounters along the way. It is funny that at some point in your life the roles of parenting reverse. This can be confronting but it can also be a time where the opportunity is one where growth is paramount. Dad hadn’t been inside an international airport for almost 30 years and he was in awe and captivated by what he saw. I admit there was some trepidation about travelling with my dad. At times we have a typical father\daughter relationship but for most of the time he is simply my dad. Watching him with fresh eyes and not just as my “dad” has been a lesson of empathy and compassion.

Dad was born and raised in a small town in Calabria. The main town in which we have spent our time has a population of almost 1,000 people. I am from Melbourne, Australia so one can imagine the contrast and extremities of difference. I have loved watching dad in his surroundings and being reunited with family and friends that he hasn’t seen for almost 30 years.  It is a feeling beyond words and one in which has allowed me to understand my dad in a way I have not known before.

For him especially making a small step and deciding to reunite with his siblings has meant so much more. His journey will always belong to him and whatever needs to take place for him will. For me this small step has allowed me to be in a space that I have not felt before. Usually consumed and challenged with time and a lengthy to do list, I have been forced to slow down and just be.

I have loved the serenity and mindfulness of being in each moment. The art of detachment in drama is one in which I am learning the most. After all Italian families and drama can inevitably go hand in hand. I am savouring in life lessons of what is important and what matters most. Being open and present is important especially when Italian is not my native language. The freedom of simplicity is bliss and one in which I value most. Sometimes the smallest times allows the greatest lessons to be learnt. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step”. Blessed be.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

4. “Love leads us home”

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This saying has popped up a few times in the last few weeks. So when it came across my vision the other day I took it as a sign to “blog” about. When life is moving along with all things happy and daisy chains it is relatively easy to come from a place of love. It is when life throws us those curveballs and the hurdles present that leading life with an open heart can pose a little more difficult. This is where the real challenge lies. Well it does for me anyway. When I am angry, frustrated or sad I can throw love right out the window. Hopefully it is not too long before I pull over and pick up where I left off.

Yesterday I was reminded about living love with an open heart. Interestingly enough it was a tragic event that allowed me to really feel it. I can be quite oblivious about current news events. I don’t read the paper nor do I watch the news. I do however believe that when I am meant to hear something I will. I was at mums and dads and the news was on. The images were sprawled across the TV. The screen was filled with children fighting for their lives. They were choking and lying lifeless on the ground whilst parents scurrying with their limp child in their arms in the hope to save them. It was utter fear and havoc. The images were horrific beyond belief and ones that as much as I wanted to turn away from I couldn’t. There was a chemical warfare in Syria and the devastation continues to transpire on a daily basis. The loss of humanity is unbearable.

I later posted the clip to Facebook and of course it brought up a lot for stuff for people. Naturally it would. There was blame, sadness and not wanting to watch the horror that was presented. It is not about judgement. It is not about being right or wrong about what one person feels to the next. Rather for me it was about the quote that I came across. How does lead us home when there is so much injustice? How do we stay in a place of love when all we are exposed to is such a cruel and inhumane loss of lives?

What I do know is that I was a lot more conscious of my own thoughts. I didn’t feel like going into blame, nor did I go to an angry place instead I turned it around and thought about what can I do differently? Sure I can’t get on a plane and physically be in Syria and to be perfectly honest nor do I want to. Instead what I can do is to create more peace in the world that I live. After I posed the clip a friend suggested a “prayer\mediation” night. Perfect as a collective we are far more powerful than as individuals. It is only through love that we can conquer otherwise we are in the same vibration as the act itself. Whilst it is tragic beyond comprehension, I don’t want to waste time or energy that serves no purpose. Instead I can turn my attention out and create more peace and love. It is the true essence of love that leads us home. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of love and may magic follow your day,

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxoxo

3. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most.

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Life presents us with so much and it is entirely up to us in how we choose to deal with it. Sometimes the moments can be long and arduous and others may be short and fleeting. It can also depend entirely where we are at any particular time on how we choose to respond and react to the situation. There is a saying that I particularly love and it reads “people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime” Sometimes the reason hits us like a ton of bricks and throws us into a whirlwind that we did not anticipate. It can be beautiful and scary all at the same time.

I have been working on writing my book for almost a solid year now and I have finally finished. Fifteen years of an epic tale (even if I must say so myself) told in 36 chapters. When I set out to tell my story it was to create awareness about suicide and prevention. The lessons that is has taught me through the writing have been paramount and ones that I feel will always continue to teach me. The difference now is that the lessons have been learnt and the story is done. What transpires along the way is where the magic truly happens.

Life happens regardless of what bubble we are living in. I truly feel that our lives can throw us curveballs to monitor just how well we have learnt the lesson. Sometimes it is the fleeting moments that teach us the most. When we are present and in the moment, it is then that we can truly appreciate where we have been and what is yet to come. When we get stuck in where we have been and keep rehashing the story there is no growth that can occur and drama continues to play itself out.  It is heavy and the energy is dormant. I’m not sure about you but for me it is a pretty difficult way to live and there is no flow. Magic can’t come in and disconnection to self occurs.

Instead when we live with an open heart, remain in our integrity and are our true authentic selves, life flows and is at ease. It is easy to be dramatic and blame. Far out I have known this for so long and to be perfectly honest it is boring and dull. It doesn’t mean that the pain and hurt doesn’t not exist, rather it a choice to live without fear and ego. Ultimately what do we have to lose?

Don’t get me wrong some lessons have been tough and I can still wear my angry pants. What is different is that now I recognise my self-worth and understand that the most important relationship that I can have is the one that I have with myself. So no matter what happens in life and what is presented I can only learn lo love more deeply and my heart can never be broken it can only be more open.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxox

2. Shame stops you from stepping up.

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Last week I attended Aboriginal Cultural Awareness Training. It was inspiring, educational and tinged with sadness and shame. One of the trainers spoke about how “shame stops us from stepping up” I loved what this meant. This was not only in the context of the training but also the meaning this represented in life. My mind dives into all kinds of things where we may carry shame. I know for me personally there was so much shame connected to mental illness, failed relationships and all kinds of “stuff”. Trust me carrying the shame serves absolutely no purpose, so I loved when I heard that “it” stops you from stepping up.

We are ashamed for a number of reasons and all of our stories are different and unique. Shame is judgement which separates. Generally the shame and judgment is the one that we tend to place on ourselves. Seems ridiculous that we would do this, yet we tend do. Sure there are others that may make us feel ashamed. This can be for a number of different reasons for a multitude of motives. One of my ex partners would tell me that I was “damaged goods”, charming I know. Had I have known what I know now I quite possibly may have damaged his “goods” (Just jokes). The shame connected to this comment encompassed many facets. This is just a small snippet of a story but the shame stopped me from stepping up and stepping out of the toxic relationship.

I’m not about to get into the he said, she said story, rather what happens when shame exists. It is an emotion that is futile and keeps us stuck. So why did I allow this to happen? There was a part of me that did believe I was “damaged goods”.  I had already been married and felt that I had “failed” so there was shame associated. Culturally I had come from a place where “divorce” wasn’t something that just happened. So again I placed more shame upon myself. I somewhat accepted the comment of “damaged goods” because I somehow believed I was. This was not only because of my past but especially the label of mental illness that I had been carrying and the indoctrinated beliefs around these areas. My god what I story I had embellished myself in! The truth is no other person can make you feel that way unless there is a part of you that carries that emotion.

My self-worth at the point in my life was not something that I recognised. It was more comfortable to sit in shame than to actually acknowledge it. So instead these days I am able to shift the shame around. I am able to forgive myself for allowing myself to be treated less than what I deserved. I can take responsibility that in some way I created that situation. Shame is what we believe and perceive. It is an opportunity to grow and learn from our experiences rather than dwelling in what is no longer. The lessons of integrity, strength and courage far outweigh the heaviness and detriment of shames. Unveiling what truly matters is where the magic unfolds.

With a magic of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxoxoxo

1. I AM OPEN TO RECEIVE rather than “GO F*&K YOURSELF”

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For the last 4 or so years I have been writing a blog. The blog has usually been derived from some type of affirmation calendar. I have either purchased one or received one as a gift. This year neither happened. So we are halfway through January and I haven’t sat down nor have I taken the time to sit and write and do what I love most.  My blogs have usually consisted of turning a situation around but most importantly it is about being real, raw and vulnerable. It is not a spiritual blog that is going to make you feel better rather it is about connection.  It is not going to teach you how to be happy, nor is it going to tell you what you have to do. Ultimately that is up to you. Instead what it will do is connect you to what I am being guided to write about

When there is loss of connection to self, the cascade motion that follows can usually be of detriment. Hence when we want to tell the world and everybody in it to “go F&*K yourself. For those that know me well will know that may be a phrase that they would have heard. Perhaps not my proudest moments but it is who I am and I am forever learning. So for the last 24+ hours I have spent in my bathroom with an eloquent purging kind of virus. I am sure you can work out the rest. It has been crap literally. Call it a purge, call it a virus, call it whatever you will but what I do know is that out of every situation that is presented to us it is an opportunity to learn if that is what we want to do. We don’t have to learn if we don’t want to we can simply be stuck and continue to have the same conversations with the same situations. Boring and pretty much “go F*&(K yourself”

Now I am not suggesting for one minute that you should be going around telling anyone to “go F*&K themselves” Instead what I have recognised for me today is that when I get to this point it is  a tell-tale sign that there is something else going on. For me it is about feeling stuck, stagnant and my creative energy feels dormant. What I have learnt the best is that we weren’t meant to live this life doing it on our own. After speaking to a dear soul today I recognised what my soul needed to do. I took myself to the park and just sat. What came through was “I am open to receive” The “Go F*(K yourself” mantra appeared to dissipate. So instead of feeling stuck and stagnant a mere 15 minutes allowed me to connect to nature and I could hear my soul speak. As soon as I drove away from the park a car beeped me in the non-friendly version.  I instantly went to “go F&^K yourself” but this time I didn’t stay there I laughed.

Sending you an abundance of unicorn magic and fairy wishes

Sonia

xoxox

25. The universe works on many principles that are beyond our control. They work independently of our opinion, and work even if we do not understand them

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Christmas festivities have subsided for another year and the quite lull is welcoming. The season seems to provoke so much and with it an avalanche of emotions, good bad and indifferent. For some the empty chairs  is what hits the hardest, for others the financial strain soars and the toxins we induce into our bodies aren’t always that great. But hey, Merry Christmas and HO HO HO! Me personally I can be the Grinch who stole Christmas and seriously doesn’t give a F&*K or I can sway to the peace and prosperity that the season brings. It all depends on which day you speak to me.  I really dislike the emphasis that we seem to place on one day and the commercialism of it all. How about we don’t wait for one day to be happy and all things holly? How about we practise kindness and compassion every day?

Now please don’t take what I have to say as gospel as often what I am writing is also a reminder to myself? Do I practise kindness and compassion every day? Heck no! I don’t go out being a deliberate asshole but there are certainly times when I haven’t taken the time or respect to fill myself up with what I need so how can I possibly be doing it for others?  It doesn’t mean I have to go into the story about it all rather recognising and having an awareness about what is happening for me not to me.

It has been a while since I have written my blog. Instead I have spent the most part of the year writing a book that has been in the making for almost 15 years. The book is primarily about suicide awareness and prevention, my own journey of mental illness and many roads of recovery. So when I read the affirmation for today a number of thoughts ran through my mind. I thought about Christmas and what it meant for me and then I began to reflect on what a year it has been.  There is just so much! Where do we start really?

What I did notice most poignantly was that the “universe works on many principles” and indeed it does. There is so much focus on searching and looking for that one thing to make it better, for that one thing to make it right. All along everything we need is already inside of us we just have to work our way to find it. Sometimes the search is long and arduous and other times it can be magical and quick. Other times it flashes before our very eyes and sometimes it takes the wind out of us. Whatever it may be is right for you and what works best. We try so hard to please everybody else that we simply forget the most important aspect of self. That everything is perfectly imperfect just the way it is. If you want it to be different, choice is simple, make your own rules and create your own dance. The universe works on many principles that are beyond our control. They work independently of our opinion, and work even if we do not understand them. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoox

24. Love is the most important thing to give, regardless of the circumstances.

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There seems to be a lot of discussion about the recent elections and new president of America. No, this is not another post or blog about what Trump has said or done. Quite frankly he no longer interests me. Instead I can actually sit and write about what he taught me in such a short amount of time and I am grateful. I refuse to give him any more air time or power. I was in a bakery picking up some chocolate for my dad’s birthday when I heard the news that he had won. I shuddered and tried to extrapolate it from my mind. I was on my way to my dad’s celebration dinner and I didn’t want to let the news dampen how I was feeling.

Later that night as predicted it was all over Facebook and the distaste and disharmony spewed onto my newsfeed. That is except for a few. There was an extremely funny comparison to a dinosaur cartoon that he eerily resembled from the 80’s. Most importantly there were other perspectives on the recent result of the presidency of America. First things first it was about owning the shadow within us. Trump only pushes our buttons because there is a trait that resides inside of us. Feels uncomfortable I know, but if you were to be really honest with yourself I am sure there has been a snippet in time where you may have been racist or ignorant towards somebody or something. I know there have been times in my life where I have had made judgments on others. Not entirely proud of it but our shadows allow us to seek truth and grow.

The other perspective was about stepping up in love. If we are hurling abuse at him are we not just as bad or distasteful as he is? Please let’s make no mistake; I am not a fan of Trump. What I can say is that he is teaching me who I am not. I want to be able to see or hear about him and not feel triggered. Instead I want to create and feel more love and compassion for the world that we live in. There is one thing for sure the world needs a whole lot of love right now.

What if Trump is showing us what it is that we need to be? If we don’t want to be like him, then who do we aspire to be?  What if we aspire to be the best version of ourselves? What if we stopped looking outside of ourselves and know that the answers we seek are already within. To know that there is no guru or leader other than the one that resides inside of who we truly are. What if it is about stepping up in love, compassion and integrity? I know that I have been able to shift my perspective about the election because I don’t want to waste this one precious life feeling insecure about my future. Instead I want to be able to turn it around and follow my bliss. Love is the most important thing to give, regardless of the circumstances. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo